Snow is bashing its way down from the sky, of course, and so it seems like the perfect moment to head over to goop, just to see what’s going on and how better to take my money and light it on fire. Surely they have remedies for the doldrums of January. What’s on offer, goop? How can you help me?
Oooo, look at this! This little tiny purse in the shape of an envelope is only one thousand three hundred and fifty dollars. It’ll be perfect for date night, says goop. The leather is really soft and will comfort you as you listen to your children silently weeping in bed from going hungry.
Hmmm. What else have we got? The cornflower and cream riffle slip dress with one centimeter of material and no sleeves for six hundred and seventy-five dollars looks dreamy. That and my new enormous puff winter coat would do beautifully together. I can dress it up with the purse in the evening as I wipe grime off the kitchen floor and gather stray socks and broken dreams for the laundry.
But it looks like, and I think this is scientifically proven, that this seems to be the season of baths. Three “articles”–‘the serious magic behind serious baths,’ ‘my bath time: how a working mom winds down before bed,’ and ‘what to drink while you soak’–have all the tips and data you need, to the tune of six hundred and twenty-eight dollars, to make all the stress go away. Gwenyth’s professional bath organizer concludes the first “article” with this important and helpful information,
For the baths, there was a clear goal for each one, as well as an evolutionary process that allowed us to achieve therapeutic, aromatic, and quality benchmarks. It was great to work in this collaborative manner with a team that was really focused on efficacy and quality; and when the feedback started coming in about how effective the initial prototypes were, it was clear that this approach was paying off.
I’m really grateful for this information. And for all the advice about how to spend thousands and thousands of dollars that I don’t have on my kids in the Ask Anne column. Frankly, I’m a little put out that there’s someone else out there named Anne who has a column and who is giving advice. I have a lot of advice to give, so if you’d like to comment, or message me on Facebook or twitter, I’ll answer your questions. But make sure you say “Dear Anne, I can’t make decisions for myself at all, please tell me how much money to spend.” Then I’ll answer your questions.
I’ll conclude now with some serious advice for all you overwrought and frazzled people out there, unsure about how to spend your millions of dollars that are sitting around in piles around your ears. First of all, Take a Shower. Second of all, never mind, that’s it, just take a shower. Actually, I realize that it’s impossible for many of you to take a shower, much less soak in a tub with six hundred and twenty-eight dollars, so maybe later I’ll give you advice about how to do that. But not now, because now I have to go shovel out the car.
Ad-Free & Subscriber Log-In