Photo Source: Flickr Creative Commons by Dennis Skley https:\/\/www.flickr.com\/photos\/dskley\/<\/figcaption><\/figure>\nMy husband forgot about the first Valentine\u2019s Day after our marriage.<\/strong><\/p>\nI didn\u2019t get so much as a card.<\/p>\n
That was what you might call a mistake on his part; one he has learned not to repeat.<\/p>\n
The reason he\u2019s learned this is because I told him. I didn\u2019t go home from work that day (I was in the legislature at the time) and hit him with my purse. But I did tell him. And the next Valentine\u2019s Day, I told him in advance.<\/p>\n
Which leads me to half my point.<\/p>\n
Women, if you want a happy marriage<\/strong>, do not assume that your husband understands what you want. Based on decades of happy marriage to the one and only love of my life, I can tell you that he does not.<\/p>\nHe. Doesn\u2019t. Have. A. Clue.<\/p>\n
I grew up with an involved father-in-residence and then married another y chromosome type person and have lived out the rest of my life since then with him. This experience has led me to form a theory about the male brain.<\/p>\n
It doesn\u2019t think like ours.<\/p>\n
From what I can tell, the male of the human species thinks that if he makes sure you go to sleep in a warm bed under a roof that doesn\u2019t leak after eating three square meals and that every man around knows that insulting you will get him in a fight, well then, that\u2019s love. And you should know it.<\/p>\n
If he comes home at night and doesn\u2019t dally with other women, if he would rather cut his arm off than raise a hand to you, if he provides for, protects and cossets you, he thinks he\u2019s done everything any woman with half a brain could possibly want. He\u2019s finished. Done. Through. In his mind, he\u2019s got that good husband stuff handled and now it\u2019s time to get a brewski and plop down in front of the television for some football.<\/p>\n
You, on the other hand, need to be told that he loves you. You think that all this protecting, providing, cosseting stuff is just a sort of baseline that any decent person would do. You don\u2019t want a bag of groceries \u2026 or \u2026 well \u2026 you do want a bag of groceries, but you want something that feeds your heart as well as your stomach. You want affection. And you want a few complimentary words thrown in with the affection.<\/p>\n
The trouble is, he\u2019ll never know this if you don\u2019t tell him. In fact, if your way of telling him is to go off and throw a hissy fit and cry and slam doors and answer \u201cNothing!\u201d when he asks you what\u2019s wrong, he\u2019ll\u00a0never\u00a0<\/em>figure it out. Nothing comes of that kind of behavior except a husband who is convinced he\u2019s married someone who has mental problems, and a wife who honestly thinks her husband does not love her and that she\u2019s probably unattractive to him to boot.<\/p>\nSo, the first half of the point I\u2019m making is, wives, talk to your husbands.<\/strong> Tell him what you want. I don\u2019t mean yell at him and demand what you want. Just \u2026 tell him. Be specific. If you want him to take you out to dinner, say so. If you want a box of chocolates, say that. Do not make him try to figure it out.\u00a0He won\u2019t. Because he can\u2019t. His brain doesn\u2019t think like yours.<\/p>\nAfter you\u2019ve told him, let it go until the next Valentine\u2019s Day or whatever it is you were telling him about rolls around again. Then, gently, gently remind him. As the big day comes into view (be it your birthday, your anniversary, Valentine\u2019s Day or whatever) start reminding him a few weeks out. You don\u2019t have to make an issue of it. In fact, you shouldn\u2019t make an issue of it. Just use your knowledge of him and your relationship to go about the business of reminding him in the gentlest way possible. If you don\u2019t remind him, he won\u2019t remember. Not, mind you, because he doesn\u2019t love you, but because he\u2019s a man, and their brains don\u2019t think the same way ours do.<\/p>\n
Which leads to the second half of my point.<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\nMen, if you want a happy marriage,<\/strong> listen to your wife.<\/strong> When your wife tells you and reminds you, that means she\u2019s handed you the ball and you need to run with it.<\/p>\nDo not quibble about this.\u00a0Listen to your wife. Go forth and buy chocolates, or make dinner reservations or whatever. It does not matter that you just rotated the tires on her car and filled it up with gas. If she wants dinner and a movie, give her dinner and a movie. And for pete\u2019s sake, tell her she\u2019s pretty. Stand in front of your bathroom mirror with the door locked and practice if you have to, but say it.<\/p>\n
Wives, talk to your husbands. Husbands, listen to your wives.<\/strong><\/p>\nAnd while you\u2019re at it, forgive one another for the subtle differences between the sexes that make this post necessary. There\u2019s a reason God made us like this. When husbands and wives cooperate with one another this way, love between them grows. Our differences, which can drive us apart if we are stupid about them, can also meld us together for life.<\/p>\n
Now, husbands and wives, start talking and listening. Your lives and your family will be the better for it.<\/p>\n
Happy Valentine\u2019s Day!<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Note: This post was first published a couple of years ago. My husband forgot about the first Valentine\u2019s Day after our marriage. I didn\u2019t get so much as a card. That was what you might call a mistake on his part; one he has learned not to repeat. The reason he\u2019s learned this is because […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1155,"featured_media":28030,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2432,44,518,520,1],"tags":[2486,2488,2487,2484,2483,2482,2463,2485],"class_list":["post-9628","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-divorce-2","category-family","category-humor","category-marriage-2","category-uncategorized","tag-happily-married","tag-happy-husband","tag-happy-wife","tag-pleasing-your-husband-on-valentines-day","tag-pleasing-your-wife-on-valentines-day","tag-staying-married","tag-valentines-day","tag-what-to-give-for-valentines-day"],"yoast_head":"\n
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