![\"\"](\"https:\/\/wp-media.patheos.com\/blogs\/sites\/644\/2020\/07\/vineyard-encouragement-parents.jpg\")
<\/p>\n<\/p>\n
Over the years, I\u2019ve talked to many parents who experience guilt over the struggles of their grown kids. The following are some thoughts I\u2019ve shared from time to time, including with friends who have grown children who aren\u2019t following Christ and making wise decisions.<\/p>\n
On this issue, I find great insight and comfort in Isaiah 5:1-7. Here\u2019s the full text:<\/p>\n
1\u00a0Now I will sing for the one I love
\na song about his vineyard:
\nMy beloved had a vineyard
\non a rich and fertile hill.
\n2 He plowed the land, cleared its stones,
\nand planted it with the best vines.
\nIn the middle he built a watchtower
\nand carved a winepress in the nearby rocks.
\nThen he waited for a harvest of sweet grapes,
\nbut the grapes that grew were bitter.
\n3 Now, you people of Jerusalem and Judah,
\nyou judge between me and my vineyard.
\n4 What more could I have done for my vineyard
\nthat I have not already done?
\nWhen I expected sweet grapes,
\nwhy did my vineyard give me bitter grapes?
\n5 Now let me tell you
\nwhat I will do to my vineyard:
\nI will tear down its hedges
\nand let it be destroyed.
\nI will break down its walls
\nand let the animals trample it.
\n6 I will make it a wild place
\nwhere the vines are not pruned and the ground is not hoed,
\na place overgrown with briers and thorns.
\nI will command the clouds
\nto drop no rain on it.
\n7 The nation of Israel is the vineyard of the Lord of Heaven\u2019s Armies.
\nThe people of Judah are his pleasant garden.
\nHe expected a crop of justice,
\nbut instead he found oppression.
\nHe expected to find righteousness,
\nbut instead he heard cries of violence.<\/p><\/blockquote>\nConsider that God is the one with the vineyard, which consists of His \u201cchildren,\u201d the people of Israel, some of whom are true God-followers, some of whom are not. Even among those who love Him there\u2019s a wide variety when it comes to their wisdom in life choices.<\/p>\n
If parents are always to be blamed for how their children turn out, then God would have to be blamed for how we all turn out\u2014but according to Scripture, God is blameless (Psalm 18:30).<\/p>\n
Isaiah 5 says God planted His vineyard, His children, \u201con a rich and fertile hill.\u201d He acted intentionally, with forethought (even though, unlike us, He knew the ultimate outcome).\u00a0We\u2019re told \u201cHe plowed the land, cleared its stones, and planted it with the best vines.\u201d Parents invest vast amounts of time and effort in their children. God understands that.<\/p>\n
And then, in light of all His efforts and best intentions, God expects a harvest: \u201cThen he waited for a harvest of sweet grapes, but the grapes that grew were bitter.\u201d It\u2019s hard to conceive of an all-powerful and all-knowing God being disappointed, but this is the language of disappointment.<\/p>\n
This passage touches me like Hebrews 4:15-16, in terms of saying to my heart, \u201cGod understands. He gets it. He knows what I\u2019m going through\u2014in fact, He\u2019s actually gone through it.\u201d Listen to Scripture;<\/p>\n
\u201cFor we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tested in every way, just as we are\u2014yet he did not sin. Let us then approach God\u2019s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
Back to Isaiah 5, God then asks His people to judge for themselves: \u201cWhat more could I have done for my vineyard\u00a0that I have not already done?\u201d Now we always know\u00a0we<\/em>\u00a0could have done more for our children, and we could have done it better, and of course that\u2019s always true. But surely we should find comfort in the fact that God, who can do no wrong, says He did enough for His children that as their Father He had the right to expect a better outcome in terms of their character, wisdom, and heart.<\/p>\n
God asks, even knowing the answer that we ourselves seldom understand, \u201cWhen I expected sweet grapes, why did my vineyard give me bitter grapes?\u201d<\/p>\n
The final three verses show God bringing judgment, and that may seem hard to us. We\u2019re not God, the Creator of our children, and we are not their judges, and lack the wisdom and power to do as God does. Yet we too could take to heart at the very least the consideration that loving them may involve no longer being their enablers in what is hurting them and their children (our grandchildren). (Desiring God has a helpful article on\u00a0\u201c12 Ways to Love Your Wayward Child.\u201d<\/a>)<\/p>\n
Certainly we can take comfort in the fact that as long as our children are still alive, God is not done with them. The dark paths that are the result of their unwise and rebellious choices can ultimately be used by God to disillusion them with the world and themselves, and one day draw them back to Him. We can\u2019t be certain what they\u2019ll choose or what God will do, and often we don\u2019t understand why He doesn\u2019t just \u201cmake them\u201d follow Him (that\u2019s the supposed dilemma between God\u2019s sovereignty and meaningful human choice, which are two co-existing realities). But meanwhile, there is great consolation in knowing God loves our children even more than we do. \u00a0(I should add that even if they have tragically died, we don\u2019t know what our God of sovereign grace \u00a0might have done in their hearts just before they left this world.)<\/p>\n
See Randy\u2019s books\u00a0The Grace and Truth Paradox<\/a><\/em>,\u00a0Beautiful and Scandalous<\/a><\/em>, and\u00a0hand in Hand<\/a><\/em>.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
Photo by\u00a0Boudewijn \u201cBo\u201d Boer<\/a>\u00a0on\u00a0Unsplash<\/a><\/span><\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Over the years, I\u2019ve talked to many parents who experience guilt over the struggles of their grown kids. The following are some thoughts I\u2019ve shared from time to time, including with friends who have grown children who aren\u2019t following Christ and making wise decisions. On this issue, I find great insight and comfort in Isaiah […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2661,"featured_media":3658,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[50],"tags":[113,349,2199,281,44,61,172,1989,56,3059],"class_list":["post-3655","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-marriage-and-family","tag-choices","tag-christian","tag-comfort","tag-encouragement","tag-god","tag-hope","tag-jesus","tag-lost","tag-parents","tag-prodigal-children"],"yoast_head":"\n
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