The Twelve Days of Christmas – the atheist version

The Twelve Days of Christmas – the atheist version December 21, 2018
photo credit: Joe Buckingham via photopin cc
photo credit: Joe Buckingham via photopin cc

The Christmas Season is here again! We hope you enjoy this re-working of the Twelve days of Christmas by Catherine Dunphy.  Incidentally this version has been republished in a book by Jerry Bowler, and Oxford University Press.

 

The Twelve Days of Christmas

On the 1st day of Christmas my true love gave to me
Dawkins Christmas Tree.

On the 2nd day of Christmas my true love gave to me,
2 Trilobite fossils,
and Dawkins Christmas Tree.

On the 3rd day of Christmas my true love gave to me, 3 French Noble Laureates,
2 Trilobite fossils,
and Dawkins Christmas Tree.

On the 4th day of Christmas my true love gave to me, 4 Galapagos finches,
3 French Noble Laureates,
2 trilobite fossils,
and Dawkins Christmas Tree.

On the 5th day of Christmas my true love gave to me,
5 postcards of Dan Dennett dressed like Santa Claus!
4 Galapagos finches,
3 French Noble Laureates,
2 trilobite fossils,
and Dawkins Christmas Tree.

On the 6th day of Christmas my true love gave to me, 6 fossilized dinosaur eggs,
5 postcards of Dan Dennett dressed like Santa Claus!
4 Galapagos finches,
3 French Noble Laureates,
2 trilobite fossils,
and Dawkins Christmas Tree.

On the 7th day of Christmas my true love gave to me, 7 poisonous water snakes swimming,
6 fossilized dinosaur eggs,
5 postcards of Dan Dennett dressed like Santa Claus!
4 Galapagos finches,
3 French Noble Laureates,
2 trilobite fossils,
and Dawkins Christmas tree.

On the 8th day of Christmas my true love gave to me, 8 physicists arguing (about the origin of the universe),
7 poisonous water snakes swimming,
6 fossilized dinosaur eggs,
5 postcards of Dan Dennett dressed like Santa Claus!
4 Galapagos finches,
3 French Noble Laureates,
2 trilobite fossils,
and Dawkins Christmas Tree.

On the 9th day of Christmas my true love gave to me, 9 agnostics wondering,
8 physicists arguing,
7 poisonous water snakes swimming,
6 fossilized dinosaur eggs,
5 postcards of Dan Dennett dressed like Santa Claus!
4 Galapagos finches,
3 French Noble Laureates,
2 trilobite fossils,
and Dawkins Christmas Tree.

On the 10th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me 10 biologist dissecting,
9 agnostics wondering,
8 physicists arguing,
7 poisonous water snakes swimming,
6 fossilized dinosaur eggs,
5 postcards of Dan Dennett dressed like Santa Claus!
4 Galapagos finches,
3 French Noble Laureates,
2 trilobite fossils,
and Dawkins Christmas Tree.

On the 11th day of Christmas my true love gave to me, 11 atheists doubting,
10 biologist dissecting,
9 agnostics wondering,
8 physicists arguing,
7 poisonous water snakes swimming,
6 fossilized dinosaur eggs,
5 postcards of Dan Dennett dressed like Santa Claus!
4 Galapagos finches,
3 French Noble Laureates,
2 trilobite fossils,
and Dawkins Christmas Tree.

On the 12th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, 12 happy humanists!
11 atheists doubting,
10 biologist dissecting,
9 agnostics wondering,
8 physicists arguing,
7 poisonous water snakes swimming,
6 fossilized dinosaur eggs,
5 postcards of Dan Dennett dressed like Santa Claus!
4 Galapagos finches,
3 French Noble Laureates,
2 trilobite fossils,
………………….and Dawkins Christmas Tree!

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  • Milo C

    I cannot sing this version, and it saddens me.

    • Loren Petrich

      See if you can think of a more easily singable revision.

  • Loren Petrich

    I once saw a Starcraft version of it, where one receives stuff from that computer game.

    Here is an interesting puzzle: How much of each kind of item does one receive over all the days? How much total does one receive each day? Over all the days?

  • Keulan

    My favorite versions of that song are The Twelve Pains of Christmas by Bob Rivers and The Twelve Gifts of Christmas by Allan Sherman.

  • Some guy

    For the (probably not) last time, it’s VENOMOUS snakes! “Poisonous” means “toxic if ingested”, whereas “able to administer toxins directly to other animals” would be “venomous”.

    There. I feel better, whether or not anyone else does.