{"id":124,"date":"2014-06-15T14:06:39","date_gmt":"2014-06-15T18:06:39","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/rebariley\/?p=124"},"modified":"2014-06-16T12:16:14","modified_gmt":"2014-06-16T16:16:14","slug":"fathers-day-this-picture-tells-a-thousand-lies","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/rebariley\/2014\/06\/fathers-day-this-picture-tells-a-thousand-lies\/","title":{"rendered":"After Father’s Day: This Picture Tells A Thousand Lies"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>

\"\"<\/a>This picture\u00a0lies.<\/p>\n

Yes, it is me and my Dad sharing the father-daughter wedding dance. Yes, the photographer perfectly captured the sheer, sweet joy of the special moment. And yes, it remains one of the hands-down most amazing snapshots of my life thus far.<\/p>\n

But.<\/p>\n

The photo tells a thousand\u00a0lies by omission. It doesn\u2019t show the years during which my father and I didn\u2019t speak, followed by the years we could only yell and hang up on each other.<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

It doesn\u2019t show that there were times in my twenties that I would have gotten married without sending my Dad an invitation, and other times that even if I\u2019d sent an invitation, he wouldn\u2019t have come.\u00a0<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

It doesn\u2019t show that we\u00a0had many an\u00a0Un-Happy Father\u2019s Day, and all the days after.<\/p>\n

In fact, if you turned all the beautiful, positive emotion of this image into its exact opposite\u2014that\u2019s how we lived. Angry. Sad. Separated. (Did I mention angry?)<\/p>\n

The snapshot fails to convey the years it took to repair our relationship\u2013 one halting conversation at a time.\u00a0 The stops and starts\u2013one step forward, three steps back\u2013those are\u00a0missing.<\/p>\n

And the grace we slowly\u00a0learned to give each other despite our differences is absent,\u00a0too.<\/p>\n

\u00a0It doesn\u2019t show the day we\u00a0realized our relationship was more important than the things that divided us,\u00a0or how we\u00a0learned steer a wide berth around topics that separated us, concentrating instead on what we had in common: each other.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0
\nThere are things my father and I still don\u2019t agree on, and we probably\u00a0never will. But I only have one father, and he only has one me, so we chose to not talk those things\u2026and that\u2019s okay!<\/p>\n

Sometimes the greatest gift you can give is silence.<\/p>\n

This photo may deceive on many counts,\u00a0but it is\u00a0honest where it matters most:<\/p>\n

Love\u00a0is\u00a0bigger than our differences.<\/p>\n

\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2013<\/p>\n

PS: This is the post-it note version\u00a0of me and Dad\u2019s journey of healing,\u00a0but\u00a0I recognize that\u00a0not all healing looks the same<\/strong>. My friend and author\u00a0Jim Palmer<\/a> says it well: \u201cHealing\u201d may not mean your relationship with your father is fixed, restored, resolved or gets any better. Instead, \u201chealing\u201d may mean realizing this is not preventing you from being at peace and free right now.\u201d \u2013Jim Palmer<\/strong><\/p>\n

PSS: I wrote this as a Father\u2019s Day gift for my Dad, but my heart was beating a nervous patter when I called to read it to him.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cWow,\u201d Dad\u00a0said after a\u00a0pause.\u00a0\u201cPublish it. Maybe it will help some other fathers and daughters out there.\u201d<\/p>\n

We\u2019ve come a long way.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>
I love you, Dad. Thanks for not giving up on us.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Follow Reba on Facebook\u00a0<\/a>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0Join the PTCS community online<\/a>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Pre-Order Post-Traumatic Church Syndrome: A Memoir of Humor and Healing in 30 Religions<\/em> by Reba Riley<\/a><\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

This picture\u00a0lies. Yes, it is me and my Dad sharing the father-daughter wedding dance. Yes, the photographer perfectly captured the sheer, sweet joy of the special moment. And yes, it remains one of the hands-down most amazing snapshots of my life thus far. But. The photo tells a thousand\u00a0lies by omission. It doesn\u2019t show the […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1839,"featured_media":132,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[15,11,12,10,6],"class_list":["post-124","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-fathers-day","tag-post-traumatic-church-syndrome","tag-ptcs","tag-reba-riley","tag-spirituality"],"yoast_head":"\nAfter Father's Day: This Picture Tells A Thousand Lies<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"This picture\u00a0lies. 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