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{"id":48,"date":"2014-05-15T11:47:39","date_gmt":"2014-05-15T15:47:39","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/rebariley\/?p=48"},"modified":"2014-05-15T13:33:46","modified_gmt":"2014-05-15T17:33:46","slug":"post-traumatic-church-syndrome-the-triumph-of-defeat","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/rebariley\/2014\/05\/post-traumatic-church-syndrome-the-triumph-of-defeat\/","title":{"rendered":"Post-Traumatic Church Syndrome: The Triumph of Defeat"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>

$\"\"$ <\/a><\/p>\n

Three years ago today, I triumphed over Post-Traumatic Church Syndrome.<\/p>\n

Oh, it didn\u2019t look <\/em>like triumph on my twenty-ninth birthday. It looked like a sopping-wet woman walking exactly three steps from the shower before crumpling into a shivering, crying, heap on the floor of the closet because she was too physically ill and spiritually injured to stand for one minute longer.<\/p>\n

It didn\u2019t feel<\/em> like triumph, either. It felt like sickness and pain and despair. (It also felt freezing cold, since I was naked and the closet was drafty.) It felt exhausting, frightening and lonely. It felt <\/em>like defeat. Hell, it probably even smelled<\/em> like defeat, given my close proximity to dirty laundry.<\/p>\n

But despite the look and feel (and smell!) of that moment, it was<\/em> a moment of triumph.<\/p>\n

People who hear\u00a0my story of spiritual healing might not\u00a0think so. They\u2019d probably\u00a0call out other moments that seem triumphant\u2014and some of them are, in their own way. Like the day I first slipped into meditative stillness, or the time I went back to my old church and knew it could never hurt me again.<\/p>\n

They might see me now,\u00a0vision-questing with the Nemenhah tribe, hanging out with the Amish, speaking about PTCS, or finishing my book and think my triumph is today.<\/p>\n

Today is a good day, but it is not the best day. The best day was one of my worst: May 15^{th<\/sup> 2011, because you can\u2019t have an end without a beginning.<\/p>\n}

I wish I could reach back in time and tell myself that a story isn\u2019t written with the last word; it\u2019s written with the first. But since that is impossible, I\u2019d like to give myself the best 32nd birthday present I can imagine\u2014hope\u2014by telling everyone who is beaten down, discouraged or disheartened this one truth as I remind myself:<\/p>\n

Defeat is triumph in disguise.<\/p>\n

Whatever is defeating you today\u2014whether it is Post-Traumatic Church Syndrome or grief or anger, overdue bills, underperforming business units, illness, confinement, pain, addiction\u2014it\u2019s actually triumph. It\u2019s just cloaked in layers, a stranger-danger mask, and Cruella de Vil hair.<\/p>\n

I hope this PTCS blog will be a resource to help you strip away some of the camouflage. We\u2019ll explore topics like forgiveness, healing, spiritual injury and creative recovery with people of all faiths and no faith. We\u2019ll laugh and cry (or at least I <\/em>will because I\u2019m emotional like that). I\u2019ll share some of my stories, and you\u2019ll share some of yours, too.<\/p>\n

We will walk together where I had to go alone three years ago.<\/p>\n

I hope one day in the future, you will look at this day of defeat and see it for what it really is, just as I am looking back at my twenty-ninth birthday today: ugly, painful, desolate\u2026 and\u00a0triumphant.<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

Reba Riley is the author of Post-Traumatic Church Syndrome: A Memoir of Humor and Healing in 30 Religions<\/a>\u00a0(<\/em>Chalice Press, Pre-Order HERE)<\/a>.\u00a0<\/em>And yes, it really is her birthday.<\/p>\n

You can connect with her on\u00a0Facebook<\/a>\u00a0or \u00a0www.RebaRiley.com<\/a>\u00a0or join the PTCS Community online<\/a>.<\/em><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"