Can Someone Buy the Girl a Map?<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Oh. My. goodness. Jessica Alba is in Oklahoma. Can you believe it? Should we all squeal like little girls now? Shouldn't we all be feeling proud about the\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/rebeccafrech\/2009\/06\/can-someone-buy-the-girl-a-map.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Can Someone Buy the Girl a Map?\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Oh. My. goodness. Jessica Alba is in Oklahoma. Can you believe it? Should we all squeal like little girls now? Shouldn't we all be feeling proud about the\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/rebeccafrech\/2009\/06\/can-someone-buy-the-girl-a-map.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Shoved to Them\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2009-06-12T18:19:00+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2015-01-13T19:34:09+00:00\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Rebecca Frech\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Rebecca Frech\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"2 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/rebeccafrech\/2009\/06\/can-someone-buy-the-girl-a-map.html\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/rebeccafrech\/2009\/06\/can-someone-buy-the-girl-a-map.html\",\"name\":\"Can Someone Buy the Girl a Map?\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/rebeccafrech\/#website\"},\"datePublished\":\"2009-06-12T18:19:00+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2015-01-13T19:34:09+00:00\",\"author\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/rebeccafrech\/#\/schema\/person\/a480038559bb99863ca3ba86f368775d\"},\"description\":\"Oh. My. goodness. Jessica Alba is in Oklahoma. Can you believe it? Should we all squeal like little girls now? Shouldn't we all be feeling proud about the\",\"breadcrumb\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/rebeccafrech\/2009\/06\/can-someone-buy-the-girl-a-map.html#breadcrumb\"},\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"ReadAction\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/rebeccafrech\/2009\/06\/can-someone-buy-the-girl-a-map.html\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"BreadcrumbList\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/rebeccafrech\/2009\/06\/can-someone-buy-the-girl-a-map.html#breadcrumb\",\"itemListElement\":[{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":1,\"name\":\"Home\",\"item\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/rebeccafrech\"},{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":2,\"name\":\"Can Someone Buy the Girl a Map?\"}]},{\"@type\":\"WebSite\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/rebeccafrech\/#website\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/rebeccafrech\/\",\"name\":\"Shoved to Them\",\"description\":\"\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"SearchAction\",\"target\":{\"@type\":\"EntryPoint\",\"urlTemplate\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/rebeccafrech\/?s={search_term_string}\"},\"query-input\":\"required name=search_term_string\"}],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":\"Person\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/rebeccafrech\/#\/schema\/person\/a480038559bb99863ca3ba86f368775d\",\"name\":\"Rebecca Frech\",\"image\":{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/rebeccafrech\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/53a07a84a2f9a9ba08b14e744e53ae70?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/53a07a84a2f9a9ba08b14e744e53ae70?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"caption\":\"Rebecca Frech\"},\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/rebeccafrech\/author\/rfrech\"}]}<\/script>\n","yoast_head_json":{"title":"Can Someone Buy the Girl a Map?","description":"Oh. My. goodness. Jessica Alba is in Oklahoma. Can you believe it? Should we all squeal like little girls now? Shouldn't we all be feeling proud about the","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/rebeccafrech\/2009\/06\/can-someone-buy-the-girl-a-map.html","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"Can Someone Buy the Girl a Map?","og_description":"Oh. My. goodness. Jessica Alba is in Oklahoma. Can you believe it? Should we all squeal like little girls now? Shouldn't we all be feeling proud about the","og_url":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/rebeccafrech\/2009\/06\/can-someone-buy-the-girl-a-map.html","og_site_name":"Shoved to Them","article_published_time":"2009-06-12T18:19:00+00:00","article_modified_time":"2015-01-13T19:34:09+00:00","author":"Rebecca Frech","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","twitter_misc":{"Written by":"Rebecca Frech","Est. reading time":"2 minutes"},"schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/rebeccafrech\/2009\/06\/can-someone-buy-the-girl-a-map.html","url":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/rebeccafrech\/2009\/06\/can-someone-buy-the-girl-a-map.html","name":"Can Someone Buy the Girl a Map?","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/rebeccafrech\/#website"},"datePublished":"2009-06-12T18:19:00+00:00","dateModified":"2015-01-13T19:34:09+00:00","author":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/rebeccafrech\/#\/schema\/person\/a480038559bb99863ca3ba86f368775d"},"description":"Oh. My. goodness. Jessica Alba is in Oklahoma. Can you believe it? Should we all squeal like little girls now? Shouldn't we all be feeling proud about the","breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/rebeccafrech\/2009\/06\/can-someone-buy-the-girl-a-map.html#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/rebeccafrech\/2009\/06\/can-someone-buy-the-girl-a-map.html"]}]},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/rebeccafrech\/2009\/06\/can-someone-buy-the-girl-a-map.html#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/rebeccafrech"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"Can Someone Buy the Girl a Map?"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/rebeccafrech\/#website","url":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/rebeccafrech\/","name":"Shoved to Them","description":"","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/rebeccafrech\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":"required name=search_term_string"}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/rebeccafrech\/#\/schema\/person\/a480038559bb99863ca3ba86f368775d","name":"Rebecca Frech","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/rebeccafrech\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/","url":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/53a07a84a2f9a9ba08b14e744e53ae70?s=96&d=mm&r=g","contentUrl":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/53a07a84a2f9a9ba08b14e744e53ae70?s=96&d=mm&r=g","caption":"Rebecca Frech"},"url":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/rebeccafrech\/author\/rfrech"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/rebeccafrech\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1106","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/rebeccafrech\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/rebeccafrech\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/rebeccafrech\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1979"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/rebeccafrech\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1106"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/rebeccafrech\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1106\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/rebeccafrech\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1106"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/rebeccafrech\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1106"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/rebeccafrech\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1106"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}

{"id":1106,"date":"2009-06-12T18:19:00","date_gmt":"2009-06-12T18:19:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/admin.patheos.com\/blogs\/rebeccafrech\/2009\/06\/can-someone-buy-the-girl-a-map.html"},"modified":"2015-01-13T14:34:09","modified_gmt":"2015-01-13T19:34:09","slug":"can-someone-buy-the-girl-a-map","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/rebeccafrech\/2009\/06\/can-someone-buy-the-girl-a-map.html","title":{"rendered":"Can Someone Buy the Girl a Map?"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>

Or I didn\u2019t.<\/p>\n

Until Ms. Alba started defacing Oklahoma property. That\u2019s right<\/a>, she\u2019s being investigated for vandalism because she\u2019s just that cool, I guess.<\/p>\n

Miss Jessica decided that our fair city wasn\u2019t decorated enough, so she went all around town pasting up posters on public and private property. She\u2019s trying to make Okies more environmentally conscious. Specifically, she wants us to be nicer to Great White Sharks.<\/p>\n

Apparently people in Oklahoma are abusive to our native marine creatures. We need to be educated about all the ways we can be kinder to these majestic creatures of the sea. There is, of course, a problem with her theory. Have you looked at a map recently? There are no oceans in Oklahoma. There aren\u2019t even any oceans close to Oklahoma. It is a 9 hour drive to the nearest beach.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m all in favor of raising awareness about the plight of endangered animals, but shouldn\u2019t you at least try<\/span> to make it a tiny bit relevant? There are people in this state who have never seen the ocean except on television. What the heck so they care about Great White Sharks? The only time they\u2019ve seen one was in that movie, Jaws, and that son of a gun was scary, and it wasn\u2019t even real.<\/p>\n

I don\u2019t think we should tell her. Just think how embarrassed she would be if we pointed out that there are no sharks here and that we don\u2019t take kindly to strangers coming into our state and acting dumb and messing our stuff up. They may think that\u2019s cool in California, but here we just think it\u2019s criminal behavior. Silly us.<\/p>\n

I\u2019ll bet she can\u2019t wait until her movie wraps and she can go back to \u201ccivilization\u201d where being in favor of a cause is enough to make her a good person and win her the accolades of her adoring fans, instead of being stuck in \u201cfly-over country\u201d where we look at her as if she needs a short vacation in a padded room.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m not sure what they\u2019re spending their educational budget on in California, but it sure isn\u2019t Biology or Geography.<\/p>\n

Hey, Jessica, you\u2019re too late. There are no sharks in Oklahoma. It must be the Global Warming.<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"