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We were cruising through the grocery store when I heard Ella say to herself, \u201cUgh. I hate that.\u201d<\/p>\n
I looked around and didn\u2019t see anything out of the ordinary, so I asked, \u201d What do you hate?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhen moms tell their kids to not look at me. It\u2019s like I\u2019m supposed to be invisible.\u201d<\/p>\n
I knew exactly what she meant, because I\u2019ve said it myself. I\u2019ve been in public when we see someone with an obvious disability and my children will begin to stare, point, or say something and I immediately shush them and whisper, \u201cDon\u2019t stare. It\u2019s rude.\u201d<\/p>\n
As we walked towards the produce in a store crowded with Sunday afternoon shoppers, I paid attention and she was right. All of the children who looked in her direction were gently corrected into looking the other way, while the adults we encountered would give her a sideways glance and make an obvious effort to not stare. She was right, she was treated as if she were less human than any other person in the store.<\/p>\n
The parents we encounter on a regular basis aren\u2019t trying to be unkind, and we know that. They are doing their best to try and teach their children to treat others with dignity. It\u2019s unfortunate that the message they send is exactly the opposite of what they intend.<\/p>\n
It\u2019s a fact that kids like to stare at people. From their infancy, children study faces and we accept it as normal. They stare at fat people and skinny people, the beautiful and the unattractive, the short and the tall, the black and the white, the very old and especially other children. They stare and stare until the subject of their fascination locks eyes with them, and then more often than not they\u00a0 both end up grinning. Everywhere we go, children are encouraged by the reactions of other people to be curious about those around them. Everyone except the handicapped. This one minority group is singled out as the only one children cannot examine. The only one they get into trouble for looking at. Which left me wondering what kind of message does that send about their humanity?<\/p>\n
By the time we reach adulthood, looking away from the differently-abled has become a deeply ingrained societal norm. As we pass by those with disabilities, our eyes drop to the floor or dart across the room. We look anywhere except at the person right in front of us. In our eagerness to not stare, we no longer look. In our efforts to be kind, we have ensured that they are never seen.<\/p>\n
I asked my daughter how being studiously ignored makes her feel. She thought a long time before saying, \u201cPeople look at me. I know they do because I can see it out of my side vision. I get it. I\u2019m a 10-year-old in a wheelchair. It\u2019s weird. But if I turn in their direction, they turn away like this is something they can catch or like I\u2019m nasty to look at. It\u2019s like I\u2019m not even a person at all.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDo you think they\u2019re trying to be mean?\u201d I asked her.<\/p>\n
\u201cNo,\u201d she replied. \u201cI don\u2019t think they know what to do or to say to their kids about me.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat do you wish they would say?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhen their kids are looking at me, they shouldn\u2019t say \u2018Don\u2019t look.\u2019 They should just say \u2018Smile and say hi.'\u201d<\/p>\n
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\u00a0 We were cruising through the grocery store when I heard Ella say to herself, \u201cUgh. I hate that.\u201d I looked around and didn\u2019t see anything out of the ordinary, so I asked, \u201d What do you hate?\u201d \u201cWhen moms tell their kids to not look at me. It\u2019s like I\u2019m supposed to be invisible.\u201d […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1979,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[6,8,9,26,21],"class_list":["post-3438","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-ella","tag-life-lessons","tag-parenting","tag-people","tag-truth"],"yoast_head":"\n