{"id":3782,"date":"2015-01-26T20:03:12","date_gmt":"2015-01-27T01:03:12","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/admin.patheos.com\/blogs\/rebeccafrech\/?p=3782"},"modified":"2015-01-26T23:07:35","modified_gmt":"2015-01-27T04:07:35","slug":"finally-tackling-tom-bradys-balls","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/rebeccafrech\/2015\/01\/finally-tackling-tom-bradys-balls.html","title":{"rendered":"Finally Tackling Tom Brady’s Balls"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>

**This post was approved by my 15 year old son. You\u2019ve been warned**<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

Like all well brought up Texas girls, my love of football is second only to my love of God. Now I will freely admit that I had my panties in a twist after America\u2019s Team, the Dallas Cowboys, were robbed of victory by a bad call<\/a>. Anyone with eyes could plainly see that he had caught that ball, but I supposed eye-sight isn\u2019t required to be a referee for the National Football League. I decided then and there that I was done with the NFL, and it would be college football from here on out.<\/p>\n

I stuck to my guns all through the play-off games. My mama cried when I told her I\u2019d given up the game. I assured her that I was still the girl she\u2019d raised, but she didn\u2019t see how she could show her face in public again now that I\u2019d sworn off the game.<\/p>\n

Well Mama has nothing to worry about, because this morning I caught a whiff of Tom Brady\u2019s balls\u2026the scandal that is\u2026<\/p>\n

At first I thought that the Indianapolis Colts were just being whiny babies when they started complaining about the irregularity of the Patriots\u2019 balls. After all, these men are professionals. They have balls in their hands all the time. Sure, they can get lumpy and a little out of shape, but then you just have to change your grip. That\u2019s the way the game is played.<\/p>\n

But then I read this from Colts Quarterback Andrew Luck, and I thought that this might be\u00a0 something juicy after all. He said, \u201cYou know that moment when you\u2019re deep in the pocket with a ball in your hand? You know how that bad boy is supposed to feel. The Patriots\u2019 balls just didn\u2019t have that firmness that I\u2019m used to. Now it was a cold day and you have to expect a little shrinkage, the cold does that to anyone\u2019s balls, but this was more than the usual response to frigid weather. I hate to say it, but Tom Brady\u2019s balls are just saggy.\u201d<\/p>\n

\"\"
By Jeffrey Beall (Own work) [CC BY 3.0 (http:\/\/creativecommons.org\/licenses\/by\/3.0)], via Wikimedia Commons<\/a><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

It seems that Mr Luck wasn\u2019t the only Colt who didn\u2019t like the feel of Mr Brady\u2019s balls. They did a thorough self-examination, and then did the sensible thing and sought out a second opinion.<\/p>\n

While the NFL refs might have been blind when my Cowboys were involved, it turns out that no one knows more about how a ball should feel than then men in black and white! They grabbed hold of New England\u2019s ball sack and gave those balls a good squeeze. Turns out that the Colts were onto something. Eleven out of twelve of them were sadly lacking.<\/p>\n

At this point, I had to take this whole thing into my own hands. I had to get the down-low from Mr Brady myself. I\u2019m not at all surprised that he denies knowing that his balls were saggy and undersized. He continues to insist that there was nothing wrong with his equipment. \u201cI\u2019ve been under a lot of centers,\u201d he said, \u201cand I\u2019ve had my hands on a lot of balls. After a while, you get a feel for them. You can\u2019t just play with\u00a0 balls and not give them a good squeeze from time to time, you know? They felt pretty firm to me. I don\u2019t care what Luck says. I\u2019m telling you that hundreds of people handle my balls every year, and some of those guys like to play pretty rough. It doesn\u2019t matter how hard they\u2019re handled. My balls can take a licking!\u201d<\/p>\n

\"\"
By Jeffrey Beall (Own work) [CC BY-SA 3.0 (http:\/\/creativecommons.org\/licenses\/by-sa\/3.0)], via Wikimedia Commons<\/a><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

It was at this point that Mrs Tom Brady, Gisele Bundchen, snorted and rolled her eyes. She declined to comment though,\u00a0 saying only \u201cI have nothing to say about husband\u2019s balls. I\u2019ve learned my lesson, and I\u2019m never going there ever again.\u201d<\/p>\n

I\u2019m not sure what to make of that, but it seems that the Seahawks might have an idea about what\u2019s been going down. They released a statement today saying \u201cWe don\u2019t want anything to do with Tom Brady\u2019s balls. We\u2019ll see him and his boys at the Super Bowl, and we\u2019ll give it to \u2019em good, but the only balls we play with are our own!\u201d<\/p>\n

\"\"
\u201cSeahawks players 2014 preseason\u201d by Mike Morris \u2013 Flickr. Licensed under CC BY-SA 2.0 via Wikimedia Commons \u2013 http:\/\/commons.wikimedia.org\/wiki\/File:Seahawks_players_2014_preseason.jpg#mediaviewer\/File:Seahawks_players_2014_preseason.jpg<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

Suddenly I can\u2019t wait for the Super Bowl!<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

**This post was approved by my 15 year old son. You\u2019ve been warned** \u00a0 Like all well brought up Texas girls, my love of football is second only to my love of God. Now I will freely admit that I had my panties in a twist after America\u2019s Team, the Dallas Cowboys, were robbed of […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1979,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[53,52,54,29],"class_list":["post-3782","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-football","tag-humor","tag-mama","tag-texas"],"yoast_head":"\nFinally Tackling Tom Brady's Balls<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"**This post was approved by my 15 year old son. 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