![\"\"](\"https:\/\/scontent-dfw1-1.xx.fbcdn.net\/hphotos-xpt1\/v\/t1.0-9\/11215048_1645772088992620_9026278735760584958_n.jpg?oh=c83d4e3ee614b1ff22d36cbd363d68de&oe=5639F6A1\")
<\/p>\n<\/p>\n
A few weeks ago, Ella asked the question I\u2019ve been not-so-secretly dreading \u201cWill boys still like me, or will they not want to date me because of the chair?\u201d I looked into her serious brown eyes, and almost immediately said the first platitude that rushed to mind, \u201cThe right boy won\u2019t care\u2026\u201d But I know how inadequate that answer is.<\/p>\n
I\u2019ve spent a fair amount of time this past year thinking about the boys she will date, and the man she will marry. I know from experience that it doesn\u2019t matter what the right boy will someday think when the wrong boy is breaking your heart. I also know that even the \u201cright guy\u201d may have to justify his decision to love our girl to well-meaning family members who will \u201chate to see him burden himself.\u201d It\u2019s the maybe-someday that I dread coming, and tear up just to think about her having to prove herself to be un-burdensome.<\/p>\n
I asked her for some time to think about it, and then reached out to people I know in the Adaptive community looking for answers. Guiding a girl through the mine-field of puberty and teenage years towards womanhood is already hard. I\u2019m completely unprepared for the added challenge of paraplegia. I\u2019ve never known anyone who was in a wheelchair before this past year, so I have no frame of reference from which to draw. I\u2019m walking blind through all of this.<\/p>\n
Most of the people I asked said the same words which I\u2019d already rejected \u2013 \u201cBeing a teenager sucks. People can be cruel. The right boy won\u2019t care\u2026.\u201d They reminded me of how pretty, smart, and incredible she is; and mentioned her resiliency as a way of dealing with the inevitable rejection.<\/p>\n
While it might have been true, it wasn\u2019t right. It wasn\u2019t how I wanted to frame it to her \u2013 people suck and are going to be awful, but some day some great guy will see how amazing you are\u2026.<\/p>\n
And then I got help from the most unexpected place\u2026my eldest daughter\u2019s boyfriend.<\/p>\n
![\"\"](\"https:\/\/scontent-dfw1-1.xx.fbcdn.net\/hphotos-xtp1\/v\/t1.0-9\/10997014_10205176809893500_915829726518241252_n.jpg?oh=b748b70d9df2dadda5d315cae42e81c2&oe=567258DC\")
<\/p>\n
J spent his summer in Morocco as part of his ROTC training, and was still there when he IM\u2019d me a question about a possible souvenir for my daughter. On a hunch, I asked him Ella\u2019s question \u2013 \u201cWill boys still like me?\u201d His answer betrayed a wisdom way beyond his 20 years.<\/p>\n
\u201cTell her that there will be guys who won\u2019t date her because of the chair. Of course there will be,\u201d he began, \u201cbut it won\u2019t be because they don\u2019t think she\u2019s fun or smart or beautiful, or even because they\u2019re not interested in her. They won\u2019t ask her out because they\u2019re afraid of what their friends will say.\u201d<\/p>\n
See, guys can be totally chicken when it comes to looking different from their friends. We give each other crap when we do something weird, and\u2026.I mean let\u2019s be honest here\u2026dating the chick in a wheelchair is weird.<\/p>\n
The only difference for her is that she\u2019s gonna have just as many people like her, but few will be brave enough to say so. Guys are pu**ies\u2026and a**holes. They only like to go out with girls that other people will approve of. Meaning that in a few years, the guy she goes out with is going to already meet a higher standard because he didn\u2019t care she was in a chair.<\/span><\/p>\n
The chair will eliminate jacka**es, and will hopefully bring to light really solid guys.<\/p>\n
But\u2026I mean all couples bear each other\u2019s stuff. Everyone has to deal with sh**. It\u2019s just part of life.<\/p>\n
But tell her that if boys don\u2019t ask her out it\u2019s because they\u2019re pansies, and she\u2019s too good to date a wuss.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
And so I let her read what he\u2019d written a couple of times, and she nodded at the end of it. \u201cIt makes sense,\u201d she said, \u201cthat they would be too scared of what people would think\u2026. and that it\u2019s not really about me. I mean, if they can\u2019t look past the chair\u2026ain\u2019t nobody got time for that.\u201d<\/p>\n
Heaven help me, this is going to be an interesting<\/em> ride.<\/p>\n
\u00a0<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
A few weeks ago, Ella asked the question I\u2019ve been not-so-secretly dreading \u201cWill boys still like me, or will they not want to date me because of the chair?\u201d I looked into her serious brown eyes, and almost immediately said the first platitude that rushed to mind, \u201cThe right boy won\u2019t care\u2026\u201d But I know […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1979,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-4281","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"yoast_head":"\n
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