Participation<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"I've written before about #3; about his sensory issues, his vision problems, and his memory issues. He struggles to be normal in a world which moves at a\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/rebeccafrech\/2012\/07\/participation.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Participation\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"I've written before about #3; about his sensory issues, his vision problems, and his memory issues. 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{"id":432,"date":"2012-07-09T21:04:00","date_gmt":"2012-07-09T21:04:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/admin.patheos.com\/blogs\/rebeccafrech\/2012\/07\/participation.html"},"modified":"2014-08-22T15:48:31","modified_gmt":"2014-08-22T20:48:31","slug":"participation","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/rebeccafrech\/2012\/07\/participation.html","title":{"rendered":"Participation"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>

I\u2019ve written before<\/a> about #3; about his sensory issues, his vision problems, and his memory issues. He struggles to be normal in a world which moves at a dizzying speed. He works so hard to catch up, and often never makes it.<\/p>\n

He\u2019s been going to Mass every Sunday morning (except for the rare illness) for all of his 11 years. He can\u2019t remember the responses.\u00a0 If it were another child, we would tell him to follow along in the missal, but #3 can\u2019t read fast enough to stay up.\u00a0 Convergence Insufficiency is funny that way. (If you\u2019re new here, #3 has Convergence Insufficiency,\u00a0 a sight disorder which means that his eyes work independent of each other causing double and triple vision.\u00a0 Oh, and he\u2019s dyslexic, too.)<\/p>\n

I struggle with knowing how much of his not participating in things is his deciding not to, and how much is his not being able to\u2026\u2026..like Sunday morning Mass.\u00a0 Is he being irreverent? Is there some crisis of faith? Is he rebelling against his parents and his upbringing? Or is he struggling along and doing the best he can?\u00a0 I try to assume the latter.\u00a0 Always.\u00a0 It\u2019s really hard though.\u00a0 11 years of Mass.\u00a0 He can\u2019t remember even a part of anything enough to recite it with us, except for the Our Father.\u00a0 He struggles with the Our Father.<\/p>\n

Please don\u2019t think it\u2019s an intelligence issue.\u00a0 The kid is wicked smart and creative.\u00a0 He\u2019s simply incapable of memorization.\u00a0 As his mom, I don\u2019t know what to do with that.\u00a0 Which doesn\u2019t mean much, because the experts we\u2019ve seen don\u2019t know what to do with it either.<\/p>\n

This past Sunday, his dad and I went to separate Masses. (It happens when someone is sick.) I took #3 and most of the children with me and left the sleeping kids home with the Computer Guy.\u00a0 #3 stood, knelt, and sat at the same times as everyone else (after watching us to see where we were going), but he said not a single word.\u00a0 He didn\u2019t sing.\u00a0 He was silent for the whole Mass.\u00a0<\/p>\n

So I sent him back with his father to the later one.\u00a0 With his father\u2019s focused one on one attention, he was able to be a part of what was going on around him.\u00a0 When he didn\u2019t have the commotion of his siblings in the pew, he could do it.\u00a0 (It was still hard, but he could do it.)<\/p>\n

What is the solution then?\u00a0 What\u2019s more important?\u00a0 That we go to Mass as a family or that he have a parent\u2019s undivided attention to help him through it? The truth is that if we are all in a pew, one of the littles will be in dad\u2019s lap or arms, unless they are in a different part of the Church.\u00a0 So where is the priority? That he participates in his family or that he participates in Mass?<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"