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Four years ago, our youngest daughter was born with her hands and feet in front of her face, effectively doubling the circumference of her head. (If you\u2019re thinking \u2018OUCH!\u2019, you\u2019re right.) The damage that kind of thing does to a girl\u2019s body is pretty ugly \u2013\u00a0stuff was torn and falling and collapsing\/prolapsing. I\u2019ve been limping it all along for the past four years, knowing that I needed surgery, but not able to have it because of the time off from my life that it would require.This week at my annual gynecologist\u2019s appointment, I scheduled my hysterectomy for February.<\/p>\n
My friends and family keep asking me if I\u2019m okay with this, and the truth is that I am. I\u2019ve had four years to come to the conclusion that this is the best decision for my health and well-being. While I always thought we\u2019d have eight children, it doesn\u2019t seem like that\u2019s actually the plan for our family. I\u2019ve had two miscarriages related to the fact that my lady-parts are hanging around all un-tethered in my body. My humongous uterus (8-10 lbs is my doctor\u2019s guess) is leaning on top of my right kidney. It\u2019s excruciatingly painful some days, and probably not doing that kidney any favors. I don\u2019t think they\u2019re meant to get squished like that. And then there\u2019s my age\u2026I\u2019m 41, which isn\u2019t too old to have babies, I know that. The thing is, I\u2019d rather be a grandmother than a mommy again. My eldest daughter\u2019s friends are getting married and getting pregnant, and I don\u2019t really want to be room-mothers with the girls who used to have sleep-overs at my house.<\/p>\n
All-in-all\u2026it\u2019s time for me to be done\u2026.and I\u2019m thankful that I am with no regrets. What I do regret is the story\u00a0I told for years about how having all these babies wasn\u2019t hard on my body, when it clearly was. When I was in my 20s and early 30s, I didn\u2019t notice the wear and tear, but by 35 it was obvious and I kept silent about it in the face of what I saw as judgmental and nosy questions.<\/p>\n
One of the most common things moms with a lot of kids hear is, \u201coh, your poor body\u2026\u201d and we feel this instinctive need to protect and defend our choices and our way of life. So we answer with \u201cWhat do you mean \u2018my poor body?\u2019 It\u2019s doing exactly what it\u2019s designed to do. Have babies.\u201d We don\u2019t allow any discussion of how hard this actually is, or the physical toll that it takes on us. We don\u2019t talk in public about how we get to the point of being held together with levers and pulleys and a judicious amount of duct tape. Denying how hard big family motherhood is is a protective reflex to most of the moms I know. It\u2019s a knee jerk reaction to the condemnation of those who are \u201cnot us.\u201d It would be better in the long run if we were bravely honest about it instead.<\/p>\n
What if, instead of denying the logical and obvious, we actually told the truth? What if we said \u201cHeck, yes, it\u2019s hard. I can\u2019t sneeze without having to take a protective posture, and there are parts of me which ache that I don\u2019t even know how to describe. I may\u00a0need surgery to put this hot mess back together when I\u2019m done. It\u2019s been hard. It\u2019s all true. But it\u2019s also all worth it. Every single one of these children was worth the wear and tear on my now high-mileage\u00a0body. There\u2019s not a one that I wouldn\u2019t have again if God offered me a do-over.\u201d<\/p>\n
I think it\u2019s long past the time that we stopped offering people a glossed-over fairy tale, and started letting the world know that there are worse things than having a passel of children and all the physical ailments that that may bring. Things like all of these children not<\/em> existing because I was afraid that their being would have been too hard on me.<\/em><\/p>\n Four years ago, our youngest daughter was born with her hands and feet in front of her face, effectively doubling the circumference of her head. (If you\u2019re thinking \u2018OUCH!\u2019, you\u2019re right.) The damage that kind of thing does to a girl\u2019s body is pretty ugly \u2013\u00a0stuff was torn and falling and collapsing\/prolapsing. I\u2019ve been limping […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1979,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-4405","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"yoast_head":"\n![\"\"](\"https:\/\/scontent-dfw1-1.xx.fbcdn.net\/hphotos-xpa1\/v\/t1.0-9\/1393578_10204667679886094_8114235247055656910_n.jpg?oh=82a253e7fda5beb4af8e22651051c988&oe=56DB378F\")
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