{"id":441,"date":"2012-06-23T10:02:00","date_gmt":"2012-06-23T10:02:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/admin.patheos.com\/blogs\/rebeccafrech\/2012\/06\/ill-bet-petas-behind-this.html"},"modified":"2015-01-13T13:52:33","modified_gmt":"2015-01-13T18:52:33","slug":"ill-bet-petas-behind-this","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/rebeccafrech\/2012\/06\/ill-bet-petas-behind-this.html","title":{"rendered":"I’ll Bet PETA’s Behind This"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>

I don\u2019t want to start widespread panic, but there\u2019s a tick out there biting people and turning them into vegetarians.<\/p>\n

Really.<\/p>\n

Go check it out.<\/a><\/p>\n

Are you back?\u00a0 Are you as scared as I am?\u00a0 One tick bite and no more burgers?\u00a0 Seriously? I\u2019m not sure I could go on in a life without hamburgers.<\/p>\n

I smell a plot here.\u00a0 An evil, mad scientist kinda plotty plot plot.\u00a0 PETA\u2019s behind it.\u00a0 I just know it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n
<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
The crazy guy trying to ruin your 4th of July Bar-be-Que<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n

I just know that their slimy hands are all over this.\u00a0 It\u2019s so obvious!\u00a0 And yes, their hands are slimy.\u00a0 They don\u2019t eat meat, they only eat veggies.\u00a0 Veggies are green.\u00a0 Pond scum is also green.\u00a0 Pond scum is slimy\u2026\u2026Why do I have to explain this to you?\u00a0 It\u2019s so obvious!<\/p>\n

PETA got some mad scientist guy to cook up a tick and then as further proof of their evil, they named it after Texas.<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n
<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
The Lone Star Tick<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n

Because as we all know, Texas is where South Fork Ranch is, and South Fork ranch is where they have some cattle, and cattle are what we make into yummy hamburgers and PETA hates hamburgers!\u00a0 So PETA hates Texas! and they mock us with this evil creature who makes people forever unable to eat those tasty burgers!<\/p>\n

(Pant! Pant! Gasp!)<\/p>\n

The horror of this is overwhelming to me.\u00a0 There\u2019s only one thing to do about all of this.<\/p>\n

Go shopping.\u00a0 (That\u2019s right\u2026I\u2019m dealing with my fear through retail therapy\u2026.judgy judger person\u2026.)<\/p>\n

But here\u2019s where I\u2019m smart\u2026.that tick picture is on grass!\u00a0 Know where grass is? Outside.\u00a0 Guess what\u2019s not outside? The mall with its air conditioning and shoe stores.<\/p>\n

Shoe stores!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n
<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
It\u2019s my happy place.\u00a0 Truly.<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n

If you need to find me, that\u2019s where I\u2019ll be\u2026.trying on some size 7.5\u2019s and looking for the perfect little black pumps\u2026..made of LEATHER!\u00a0 so take that PETA and your evil plot tick!<\/p>\n

Seriously\u2026.I\u2019m not going outside until the threat has passed, or until summer is over\u2026..which is okay with me because this is Texas and it\u2019s just too darn hot here to be outside.<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I don\u2019t want to start widespread panic, but there\u2019s a tick out there biting people and turning them into vegetarians. Really. Go check it out. Are you back?\u00a0 Are you as scared as I am?\u00a0 One tick bite and no more burgers?\u00a0 Seriously? I\u2019m not sure I could go on in a life without hamburgers. […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1979,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-441","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"yoast_head":"\nI'll Bet PETA's Behind This<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"I don't want to start widespread panic, but there's a tick out there biting people and turning them into vegetarians. Really. Go check it out. 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