The going advice in popular culture is not so helpful, since it tends to run exactly counter to CCC 2352 and 2396.<\/span><\/div>\n<\/blockquote>\n\u00a0He got the bright idea that I might like to write a companion piece about girls, and he was right!\u00a0 I would like to write the companion piece, so thanks for thinking of me! <\/p>\n
Having once been a teenage girl (with a past I\u2019m not always so proud of) and now being the mother of a teenage girl, I have a slight amount of experience in this area.\u00a0 There are the things I tell\/show my own daughter, and the things I desperately wish my parents had told\/shown to me.<\/p>\n
A lot of folks seem to have the idea that girls are all kinds of crazy emotion looking for an outlet, or that they must be purely sexual instinct looking for a place to happen, which means that we as parents must learn to contain one and reign in the other. Which isn\u2019t to say that the over the top emotions or biological drives don\u2019t exist,\u00a0 (Believe me, they do!) but there is a tendency when we discuss teenage girls to forget about their brains.\u00a0 These are young women with intellects!\u00a0 Okay, those intellects are often driven by emotions and biology, but that\u2019s okay.\u00a0 You can work with that.<\/p>\n
Let\u2019s start at the very beginning\u2026..what is chastity?\u00a0 It means your mind is clean, your heart is pure, and your clothes are ON!\u00a0 It\u2019s a fruit of the Holy Spirit\u2026that doesn\u2019t mean you have to be a be a person of Faith to be chaste, but it sure does make it a whole lot easier.<\/p>\n
Talking chastity with your daughter should begin when she is very young.\u00a0 It is easiest if you lay the foundation there.\u00a0 I don\u2019t mean that you need to be having frank discussions about sex with your preschooler.\u00a0 Heavens no!\u00a0 But it is when she is a little, little girl that she needs to learn she can trust you.\u00a0 If you don\u2019t earn her trust in the very beginning, you can regain it, it just takes a lot more work, and a lot more proving yourself to her.\u00a0 <\/p>\n
I\u2019m not a fan of mothers being best friends with their children.\u00a0 Moms need to be the grown up authority figure, and girls need someone else to whom they can speak when mom drives them crazy, which doesn\u2019t mean that you can\u2019t have a friendly<\/i> relationship.\u00a0 In fact, it\u2019s the kind I highly recommend.\u00a0 You didn\u2019t have that child so that you could fight all the time did you? (If you did, you might need a little help.\u00a0 Sorry, but who goes looking for trouble?) You had this child with the dream of a future of fun, laughter, and family.\u00a0 Are you working to create that culture in your home?\u00a0 Here\u2019s a way to tell\u2026.when your child needs someone to be \u201cDear Abby\u201d for her, and we all need that advice person in our lives, are you <\/i>the person she comes to?\u00a0 Are you her confidante?\u00a0 If not, is there a reason for that?\u00a0 Is there something you can do to correct that?\u00a0 If you don\u2019t know where to begin to fix it, ask her<\/i>!\u00a0 What good is a teenage girl if not for her brutal honesty?<\/p>\n
In addition to trust, you have to tell your daughter what you expect of her and not be vague about it.\u00a0 Which means, of course, that you have to know what you<\/i> think about chastity, dating, and boys\u2026.not the ever threatened \u201cno dating until you\u2019re 35!\u201d but a realistic and honest idea of what her parents consider to be appropriate.\u00a0 She\u2019s also going to need an explanation why those are the rules.\u00a0 It\u2019s so tempting to assert our authority and draw lines in the sand, but girls need the why.\u00a0 Without an explanation, you\u2019re just restraining her actions and not teaching her anything.\u00a0 Children will rise to the level of your expectations for them if they know they don\u2019t have to attempt that climb on their own, so let her know you\u2019ll be right beside her as her help and counsel for as long as she needs you.\u00a0 (And she\u2019ll need you at least until she heads off to college.)<\/p>\n
Ours knows that her father and I don\u2019t approve of dating in high school.\u00a0 She can have guy friends and even boys she likes, but one on one dating?\u00a0 No way.\u00a0 Her parents are members of the first generation ever to date for fun, and it was a disaster for most of the people we knew.\u00a0 Even the best kids fell victim to the temptations set before them, because 16 really isn\u2019t that old (and the 12 year olds who are dating nowadays?\u00a0 That\u2019s just crazy!)\u00a0 We trust her, and she trusts herself, but we\u2019ve all agreed not to tempt her beyond her power to resist.\u00a0 The crazy thing is that once we explained the why to her, and let her take a look around at the unhappiness of her dating friends (who seem to be experiencing a new heartbreak every week) she agreed with us.\u00a0 <\/p>\n
Moms need to talk to their daughters from the truth of their own experiences.\u00a0 That doesn\u2019t mean you have to share the gory details, but she\u2019s definitely entitled to the lessons you learned along the way.\u00a0 We talk about boys, my daughter and I.\u00a0 We discuss the annoying boys who try to hold her hand or constantly text her even when she has no interest in them (and has told them so!), and we talk about the boy she wishes would hold her hand but doesn\u2019t because they\u2019ve decided it\u2019s best to just be friends for now.\u00a0 I\u2019ve taken one look at the new boy down the street and told her exactly why she should run away from his bad-boy grin\u2026because oh my does he have that down pat.\u00a0 I\u2019ve told her how to spot a boy who respects her, and that boys who don\u2019t listen when she says she doesn\u2019t date aren\u2019t going to listen when she tells them she doesn\u2019t do other things either.<\/p>\n
Most girls who sleep around do so to feel loved.\u00a0 It\u2019s amazing what girls and even women will do to have someone hold them close and say \u201cI love you.\u201d\u00a0 That\u2019s why we make sure to tell her that we do.\u00a0 Often.\u00a0 Be sure to hug your daughter and tell her you love her, because if you don\u2019t then some yucky boy sure will. That was one of the biggest lessons I learned as a wayward teen.\u00a0 Her parents need to make her feel safe and cherished, or she will go looking for the illusion of love and safety. Girls need to be loved.\u00a0 They need to see it.\u00a0 They need to hear it.\u00a0 There is no such thing as saying it too often.<\/p>\n
So, tell her the truth of it all.\u00a0 You don\u2019t want her to be chaste for you, you want it for her.\u00a0 Chastity is a gift straight from God.\u00a0 It protects the heart, safeguards the mind, and shelters the soul.\u00a0 The world will entice her to itself with promises of excitement and romance, but tell her about the sorrow and regret which follow on their heels.\u00a0 Tell her about biology and the chemical reactions sex causes in the brain.\u00a0 Tell her about the emotional train wreck that comes along with \u201cjust foolin\u2019 around.\u201d Tell her all she stands to lose if she loses her head.<\/p>\n
And then tell her the truth about love and joy.\u00a0 Be honest with her about the beauty of sex when it\u2019s right.\u00a0 Tell her of the rapturous beauty of the marital embrace.\u00a0 Give her the hope and knowledge that her patience and self control will one day pay off for her, and that the hard work will be worth it.<\/p>\n
Then pray with her and for her.\u00a0 We pray for her strength and for the man she will someday marry. (Unless she goes to the convent\u2026which her daddy wouldn\u2019t mind at all.)\u00a0 I want her to know that he\u2019s out there, and that he needs her prayers even now\u2026.because he\u2019s fighting the same battle she is, and he can use all the prayers he can get.<\/p>\n
Now head on over to LarryD\u2019s and see what he has to say about the boys<\/a>!<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"Chastity and the Teen Girl Some time ago, Jennifer Fitz asked LarryD from Acts of the Apostasy all about chastity and teenage boys: So here\u2019s a two-part question I still need you guys to answer for me: How should a boy deal with the, shall we say, overwhelming physical urges, that are known to afflict […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1979,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-455","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"yoast_head":"\n
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