This past weekend, I went to the homeschool convention in Arlington. As I sat down for the first talk on Saturday morning, I looked around at all the young (oh my goodness they were young!) faces of the moms just beginning on this journey.\u00a0 At 37, I definitely wasn\u2019t the oldest mom in the room, but I was at least 15 years older than the youngest. I looked down at the baby hanging out in her sling and it hit me\u2026.I\u2019ve been homeschooling for 12 years and #7 means I\u2019ll be at it for at least 18 more.<\/p>\n
Holy crap.<\/p>\n
30 years.\u00a0 That\u2019s my whole life. Well, a big ol\u2019 chunk of it teaching preschool, Algebra, and physics all side by side.\u00a0 It was in that moment that I felt exhausted. What about me?\u00a0 What about the plans I had and have for myself? In the prime of my life with so many dreams unfulfilled\u2026.what about me? 30 years. More if there\u2019s ever a #8.\u00a0 Holy. freaking. moly.<\/p>\n
And I knew that I want to quit.\u00a0 Just chuck it all and walk away. There are better things I could be doing with my life.\u00a0 Important and memorable things. Things which will last forever!<\/span><\/b><\/p>\n Things like my children and their immortal souls.Which, incidentally, are the only <\/i>things which last forever.\u00a0<\/span> <\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" This past weekend, I went to the homeschool convention in Arlington. As I sat down for the first talk on Saturday morning, I looked around at all the young (oh my goodness they were young!) faces of the moms just beginning on this journey.\u00a0 At 37, I definitely wasn\u2019t the oldest mom in the room, […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1979,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-465","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"yoast_head":"\n
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I was reminded this weekend of the time #2 spent in the NICU dying.\u00a0 (Just because you\u2019re dying doesn\u2019t mean you do.\u00a0 You can<\/i> recover, but he was surely dying.)\u00a0 The awful very bad time when I pleaded with God to trade my life for his.\u00a0 \u201cPlease take my life in trade for his, let me die if he can live,\u201d I begged.<\/span>
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Did I mean it?\u00a0 Did I really mean I would give my own life for his or did I only mean I\u2019d die willingly right there on the spot?\u00a0 What if the death He asks for is a long, slow painful death to self?\u00a0 Say\u2026\u2026 30 years or more of dying to myself?\u00a0 Am I willing to make that trade for him? For them all?<\/span><\/p>\n