{"id":467,"date":"2012-05-10T08:35:00","date_gmt":"2012-05-10T08:35:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/admin.patheos.com\/blogs\/rebeccafrech\/2012\/05\/why-you-should-never-listen-to-me.html"},"modified":"2014-08-22T15:48:59","modified_gmt":"2014-08-22T20:48:59","slug":"why-you-should-never-listen-to-me","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/rebeccafrech\/2012\/05\/why-you-should-never-listen-to-me.html","title":{"rendered":"Why You Should Never Listen to Me"},"content":{"rendered":"<!DOCTYPE html PUBLIC \"-\/\/W3C\/\/DTD HTML 4.0 Transitional\/\/EN\" \"http:\/\/www.w3.org\/TR\/REC-html40\/loose.dtd\">\n<html><head><meta http-equiv=\"content-type\" content=\"text\/html; charset=utf-8\"><meta http-equiv=\"content-type\" content=\"text\/html; charset=utf-8\"><\/head><body><p>People tell me all the time \u201cYou\u2019re so smart, I love to talk to you.\u201d (I\u2019m not making that up.\u00a0 They tell me that. Really.) They come to me for advice about home schooling, parenting, life, or matters of faith.\u00a0 I\u2019m really not sure why. Here are all the reasons lately why those same people have told me I\u2019m wrong and going to Hell.\u00a0 They\u2019re also the reasons that if you\u2019re coming here for wisdom, you probably should go somewhere else. <span style=\"font-size: x-small\">(All this stuff has been said to me at least once as to why I\u2019m not as great as I think I am.\u00a0 I already knew I wasn\u2019t\u2026..which is part of why I\u2019m so great!)<\/span><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>I\u2019m in favor of traditional marriage and am therefore a big ol\u2019 bigot and religious zealot.\u00a0 Doesn\u2019t matter my reasoning\u2026.seriously\u2026\u2026\u2026.h.a.t.e.r.<\/li>\n<li>I have gay friends and (gasp!) let them around my children. I even trust them around my children. I happen to think they\u2019re some of the nicest people I know. I<i> really<\/i> like them.\u00a0 They\u2019re great people. I wish we could hang out more often. <\/li>\n<li>I\u2019m a crazy conservative Catholic who wears a mantilla to Mass and is obviously trying to drag us back into the Dark Ages. (Bring on the Inquisition!)<\/li>\n<li>I wear pants.\u00a0 I\u2019m a girl.\u00a0 It can\u2019t be allowed.\u00a0 No excuses. It allows men to see the shape of my\u2026..and lead them to thoughts\u2026and the seams on jeans\u2026\u2026have you noticed the pocket placement? Oh my. <i>Scandalous<\/i>! (Oh those lustfully lustful thoughts of me\u2026.in jeans\u2026or shorts\u2026..ummmmm\u2026.yeah.)<\/li>\n<li>I homeschool my children, keeping them completely sheltered from the outside world.\u00a0 Poor little un-socialized things. However will they function in the outside world?\u00a0 I\u2019m setting them up for social awkwardness and a life of never fitting in. (Because I knew this kid once, well..not well\u2026but I knew him\u2026and he was homeschooled\u2026..he was totally awkward.\u00a0 Not as much as the kid with the glasses in the high school band who played the tuba? But the homeschool kid was definitely weird.)<\/li>\n<li>I sent my son to a traditional school for a year, allowing him to be corrupted and tainted by \u201cThe World\u201d. Never mind learning disabilities, specialized help, etc.\u00a0 None of that matters!\u00a0 He should be happy to be stupid at home! (They\u2019re going to teach him about sex, drugs, and rock and roll!\u00a0 Oh, horrors!\u00a0 The corruption!)<\/li>\n<li>We pray together as a family, further brainwashing my children and indoctrinating them into our belief system.\u00a0 The fact that they ask for a Family Rosary time is just proof of how far gone our family really is.\u00a0 (Little Papist freaks!)<\/li>\n<li>We don\u2019t have time for Daily Mass. I forget the Angelus every stinking day. I haven\u2019t been to Adoration in\u2026.a really long time.\u00a0 Definitely going to Hell. (I\u2019m pretty sure I have reserved seating just across from the lake of burning sulfur.)<\/li>\n<li>I raise my children on the idea of Catholic guilt.\u00a0 Don\u2019t want to go to Mass?\u00a0 I\u2019m pretty sure Jesus didn\u2019t want to be nailed to a Cross either. If He could do that for you, you can go to Mass.\u00a0 (What? A little guilt is good for them.\u00a0 It puts hair on the chest.)<\/li>\n<li>I haven\u2019t dragged them to Confession in a shockingly long time.\u00a0 Really.\u00a0 Shockingly. (I could defend myself by citing awkward times, but I\u2019d be lying\u2026and then I\u2019d have to go to Confession\u2026.which I don\u2019t go to often enough\u2026.vicious cycle.)<\/li>\n<li>I voted for Ron Paul in the 2008 primaries. (Best man for the job, hands down.)<\/li>\n<li>I <i>didn\u2019t<\/i> vote for Ron Paul this time. (That dude is<i> crazy!<\/i>)<\/li>\n<li>I think that chastity is a perfectly reasonable thing to expect of teenagers.\u00a0 I teach them morals.\u00a0 There.\u00a0 I said it out loud.\u00a0 I believe in innocence and purity.\u00a0 I believe those to be good things. Always.\u00a0 (Shelter and protect them.\u00a0 Lock them in the basement.\u00a0 It\u2019s for their own good.\u00a0 Really)<\/li>\n<li>I talk about sex (and write about it) a lot.\u00a0 Seriously.\u00a0 I do.\u00a0 I love my husband.\u00a0 I still find him incredibly hot.\u00a0 It\u2019s one of my favorite things.\u00a0 (Which, I\u2019ve been told, is immoderate and vulgar to say, but whatev.) Which leads us to\u2026<\/li>\n<li>I have seven children. 7.\u00a0 S.E.V.E.N.\u00a0 It\u2019s a lot. Even I think so. I\u2019m destroying the environment.\u00a0 It\u2019s irresponsible of me.\u00a0 It\u2019s a vagina not a clown car.\u00a0 (It really isn\u2019t a clown car, you know.)<\/li>\n<li>I\u2019ve used contraception in the past. (Gasp!) I totally understand people who do.\u00a0 I get the whole \u201cI\u2019m done\u201d mentality.\u00a0 I truly do. There are days when I fantasize about getting a tubal.\u00a0 (Let them get going and the noise levels swell\u2026..and I start muttering \u201ccut. burn. tie.\u201d<\/li>\n<li>I use the word \u201cy\u2019all\u201d in conversation a lot.\u00a0 I have a noticeable drawl, and I speak at a speed guaranteed to drive a New England yankee batty.<\/li>\n<li>I use words like \u201cantidisetablishmentarianism\u201d in everyday speech.\u00a0 Darn that Webster\u2019s dictionary I got for a gift when I was 10.\u00a0 (Which seemed lame at the time, but I\u2019m wowing \u2019em with word power today!)<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>So, you see?\u00a0 Completely unreliable.\u00a0 Not a paragon of anything.\u00a0 You should never come to me for advice about anything. Ever.<\/p>\n<p>Unless you want to know about politics, or religion, all things Texas, yeah\u2026okay\u2026homeschooling, loving your man, cooking, baking\u2026..never ask me about housekeeping \u2019cause I stink at it\u2026\u2026.but yeah friendship, prayer, book suggestions, which shoes to wear,<span style=\"font-size: x-small\"> jewelry, etiquette (because the same person who gave me the dictionary at 10 gave me Emily Post at 16), fun,<\/span> <span style=\"font-size: xx-small\">laughter, weird baby names, tiny toad blood baths, menu planning, blogging, ironing, salsa music,\u00a0 sippy cups, playgroups, mean girls, nice girls, picking friends\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026..<\/span><\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>People tell me all the time \u201cYou\u2019re so smart, I love to talk to you.\u201d (I\u2019m not making that up.\u00a0 They tell me that. Really.) They come to me for advice about home schooling, parenting, life, or matters of faith.\u00a0 I\u2019m really not sure why. Here are all the reasons lately why those same people [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1979,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-467","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v21.1 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Why You Should Never Listen to Me<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"People tell me all the time &quot;You&#039;re so smart, I love to talk to you.&quot; (I&#039;m not making that up.&nbsp; They tell me that. Really.) They come to me for\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/rebeccafrech\/2012\/05\/why-you-should-never-listen-to-me.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Why You Should Never Listen to Me\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"People tell me all the time &quot;You&#039;re so smart, I love to talk to you.&quot; (I&#039;m not making that up.&nbsp; They tell me that. Really.) 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