{"id":499,"date":"2012-03-29T09:58:00","date_gmt":"2012-03-29T09:58:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/admin.patheos.com\/blogs\/rebeccafrech\/2012\/03\/oh-honey-no.html"},"modified":"2015-01-13T14:00:22","modified_gmt":"2015-01-13T19:00:22","slug":"oh-honey-no","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/rebeccafrech\/2012\/03\/oh-honey-no.html","title":{"rendered":"Oh, Honey……No……."},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>

Dear Alicia,
\nWe all loved you when you were completely Clueless.\u00a0 The girls of our generation, not-so-secretly, wanted to be<\/i> you\u2026.or Cher\u2026.because to us you were <\/i>Cher.\u00a0 You were the perfect 90s girl we all wished we could at least know once in our lives\u2026\u2026sigh<\/i>\u2026..<\/p>\n

<\/div>\n

You became a vegan, and I still liked you.\u00a0 You posed nude for PETA, and while I\u2019m not a fan of their work, I respected your ability to stay true to what you believe in.\u00a0 That\u2019s hard to do.<\/p>\n

You named your sweet baby boy Bear Blue, and I began to worry a bit about your sanity.\u00a0 Had all those years of no animal products done something to you?\u00a0 Were you losing it a bit?\u00a0 Because, honey, \u201cBear Blue\u201d is cute for a tiny baby in his footy jammies, but a pimply 13 year old?\u00a0 You might as well have stopped by the tattoo parlor on your way home from the\u2026..wait\u2026you had him at home? \u2026ummmm\u2026..you might as well have called the tattoo guy in and had \u201cKick my A**\u201d scrawled across his forehead.\u00a0 It would have saved everyone a little time.<\/p>\n

Then this morning I turned on the news and you were on there.\u00a0 Honey?\u00a0 Ummmm\u2026\u2026you were chewing up food and letting your little Bear Blue eat it right out of your mouth.\u00a0 Kinda like a bird, except I don\u2019t know if they have saliva and you do<\/i>. It is, in a word, revolting.\u00a0 (Don\u2019t believe me?\u00a0 You can watch it here.<\/a>\u00a0 It really is disgusting.)\u00a0 As if the kids name weren\u2019t bad enough, you have the poor guy eating his mom\u2019s spit and \u2026..it looks like he\u2019s kinda Frenching you there, to be honest\u2026 And if that weren\u2019t humiliating enough, you made a movie of it.\u00a0 And posted it on the internet.\u00a0 On.the.internet.\u00a0 Where things never go away.\u00a0 Ever.<\/p>\n

Can you just picture it?\u00a0 In about 12 years?\u00a0 Jr High is brutal enough without a whacked out name and eating your mom\u2019s puke, because that\u2019s how the kids are going to see it.\u00a0 (I took an informal poll of my own children.\u00a0 That\u2019s how they see it.\u00a0 The looks on their faces should have you worried.)\u00a0 It should.\u00a0 It\u2019s a cruel, cruel world out there, and maybe you shouldn\u2019t be trying so hard to get him beat up.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m just a little worried about you.\u00a0 You seem like a nice girl.\u00a0 You even named your diet the Kind Diet (although \u201cKind\u201d is a kind of pot, the good kind, and that might explain a lot.) Which is why I\u2019m puzzled not by the fact that you\u2019ve lost touch with what the rest of the world considers to be normal, but that you think it\u2019s so not a big deal that you\u2019re posting it for everyone to see.\u00a0 I think you\u2019re suffering from lack of protein.\u00a0 I\u2019ve read your book and you\u2019re heavy on the wacky macrobiotic I\u2019m-not-sure-that\u2019s-really-food and a little light on the real food.\u00a0 May I make a simple suggestion?\u00a0 A steak now and then wouldn\u2019t kill you.\u00a0 I promise that it won\u2019t.<\/p>\n

Come on over and I\u2019ll throw one on the grill for you.\u00a0 We can watch Clueless and revisit the days when your life made sense, before you were upchucking for your baby.<\/p>\n

Color me confused,
\nRebecca<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Dear Alicia, We all loved you when you were completely Clueless.\u00a0 The girls of our generation, not-so-secretly, wanted to be you\u2026.or Cher\u2026.because to us you were Cher.\u00a0 You were the perfect 90s girl we all wished we could at least know once in our lives\u2026\u2026sigh\u2026.. You became a vegan, and I still liked you.\u00a0 You […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1979,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-499","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"yoast_head":"\nOh, Honey......No.......<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Dear Alicia, We all loved you when you were completely Clueless.\u00a0 The girls of our generation, not-so-secretly, wanted to be you....or Cher....because to\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/rebeccafrech\/2012\/03\/oh-honey-no.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" 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