My life is not all glamor and wonder.\u00a0 I know.\u00a0 You\u2019re shocked.\u00a0 <\/p>\n
Friday morning I took the kids to the store to buy Halloween costumes.\u00a0 Yup.\u00a0 I\u2019m that organized.\u00a0 I totally blew it off until the Friday before trick-or-treating.<\/p>\n
After standing in the costume aisle for close to 30 minutes waiting for my indecisive children to choose between Boba Fett and Spiderman, my sweet #5 scraped his shin on the shelf as he reached for a bloody pirate sword.\u00a0 (What?\u00a0 I wasn\u2019t going to let him get it.\u00a0 He\u2019s only 4.\u00a0 That\u2019s a costume accessory for a much more mature child..like 8.)\u00a0 He went into full meltdown and wail mode.\u00a0 He\u2019s loud, y\u2019all\u2026really loud\u2026and people could hear him all over the store.\u00a0 We were starting to attract stares, whispers and unfavorable attention.\u00a0 I tried to scoop him up into my lap and console him, but he\u2019s heavy and I\u2019m very pregnant.\u00a0 Ignoring my attempts to pick him up and calm him down, he resorted to the little-kid judo move called going-completely-limp.<\/p>\n
I sighed heavily , braced my feet, hooked one arm around his chest and under his armpits and the other between his legs to hoist my limp and wailing son into the cart.\u00a0 I grabbed hold of the waistband of his jeans to get a grip when my son screamed out to me (and the people who were listening from the nearby rows.)<\/p>\n
Hey, you!\u00a0 Let go of my pe.nis!!!!!!<\/span><\/p>\n I heard gasps (or thought I did) from my fellow shoppers.<\/span> <\/span> My face flamed red and I hurried the kids to the checkout with whatever costume happened to be in their hands at the moment.\u00a0 I swore once again to never go shopping with all the children at once\u2026and to teach the 4 year old anatomy.\u00a0 Because I know where his junk is, and it\u2019s nowhere near his waistband.<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" My life is not all glamor and wonder.\u00a0 I know.\u00a0 You\u2019re shocked.\u00a0 Friday morning I took the kids to the store to buy Halloween costumes.\u00a0 Yup.\u00a0 I\u2019m that organized.\u00a0 I totally blew it off until the Friday before trick-or-treating. After standing in the costume aisle for close to 30 minutes waiting for my indecisive children […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1979,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-571","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"yoast_head":"\n