For the past week, my sweet husband has been in Turkey.\u00a0 The computers are having issues in the Istanbul office so they called in the Computer Guy.\u00a0 (Doesn\u2019t that make him sound like a super hero?)<\/p>\n
It was his first time out of the country, other than college trips across the border but that doesn\u2019t count when you\u2019re from South Texas, and my first time to have him so very far away.\u00a0 While he\u2019s been gone for a week or more in the past, there\u2019s a difference in his being a 14 hour plane ride away, literally on the other side of the planet.<\/p>\n
I thought I was doing a decent job of holding it together, although it has made blogging hard since I promised not to write that he was gone and it\u2019s all I wanted to write about, until late last night.\u00a0 I had one of those <\/i>pregnancy dreams.\u00a0 No, not the wake-up-with-a-smile-and-a-certain-glow kind of dreams, the other kind.<\/p>\n
I dreamed that he left us.\u00a0 He stood right in front of me and said he was done, it was over and that he was leaving.\u00a0 I awoke in a complete panic which only intensified as I realized he wasn\u2019t in bed with me.\u00a0 I ran out into the living room and called his name and he didn\u2019t answer, at which point I collapsed on the floor sobbing.\u00a0 Where was he?\u00a0 How could he leave?<\/p>\n
Then I woke all the way up and remembered\u2026.Turkey.\u00a0 He\u2019s in Turkey.\u00a0 I talked to him yesterday, and he\u2019ll be heading for the airport and home in just a few hours.\u00a0 I peeled myself off the floor and headed back to bed to attempt to calm my rapidly thudding heart.<\/p>\n
As I lay there clutching my pillow, I realized that I don\u2019t tell him often enough what he means to me.\u00a0 We are years past the excited blush of new love and sappy endearments.\u00a0 We long ago reached a place of quiet companionship and deep love and affection.\u00a0 There are so many words which no longer need to be said out loud.\u00a0 We communicate them silently with a certain smile, that knowing glint in the eye or a million other non-verbal gestures which only we understand.<\/p>\n
But I don\u2019t tell him.\u00a0 I never say that I love him with all of me, that the thought of his not being here leaves me completely undone.\u00a0 The crying last night was not mere grief, it was more primal than that.\u00a0 He has become a part of my very being, the way the readings at our wedding promised but I didn\u2019t believe was possible at a naive 21.<\/p>\n
There is God, and then there is my beloved.\u00a0 Everything I have and love comes from these two loves, and I don\u2019t tell either one that nearly enough.<\/p>\n
For the past week, my sweet husband has been in Turkey.\u00a0 The computers are having issues in the Istanbul office so they called in the Computer Guy.\u00a0 (Doesn\u2019t that make him sound like a super hero?) It was his first time out of the country, other than college trips across the border but that doesn\u2019t […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1979,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-577","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"yoast_head":"\n