****I try very hard not to complain about being pregnant.\u00a0 I have been reminded too often by the people I love that this is a gift and that complaining about it is ungrateful, but sometimes saying nothing is dishonest.*******<\/span><\/p>\n I hurt.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span> If these didn\u2019t make moving hard enough, I have Braxton-Hicks contractions non-stop when I move.\u00a0 Lying on the couch with a huge glass of water, they quiet down.\u00a0 If I stand up, my belly tightens up instantly.\u00a0 The books will tell you that they aren\u2019t painful, but they are their own brand of discomfort for sure, especially when they come non-stop one on top of the other the entire time I am vertical.\u00a0 They may not be the real thing, but my muscles constantly ache from them.<\/span><\/p>\n My husband no longer hugs me close for fear of hurting me.\u00a0\u00a0 I can\u2019t sleep as the discomfort keeps me awake most of the night.<\/span> I have told her this before.\u00a0 Often.<\/span> I hurt and I don\u2019t want to do this again.\u00a0 That\u2019s the honest truth of it.\u00a0 The belly may be cute.\u00a0 The baby will be worth it\u2026but can this be the last one?<\/span> ****I try very hard not to complain about being pregnant.\u00a0 I have been reminded too often by the people I love that this is a gift and that complaining about it is ungrateful, but sometimes saying nothing is dishonest.******* I hurt.\u00a0\u00a0My hips ache.\u00a0 I can feel the ball of the hip joint move in the […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1979,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-585","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"yoast_head":"\n
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My hips ache.\u00a0 I can feel the ball of the hip joint move in the socket and grind against the hip bones.\u00a0 The larger the baby gets, the more the joint loosens.\u00a0 When I walk from one place to another, I figure out my routes based upon what there is to lean on in case I need to rest on the way.\u00a0 It\u2019s not just my hips, my right shoulder does the same grinding loose thing as does one of my elbows.\u00a0 My joints ache like an 80 year old woman.\u00a0 I\u2019m only 36.<\/span><\/p>\n
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I don\u2019t want to do this again.\u00a0 Am I allowed to say that out loud? Or in writing even?\u00a0 I feel as if being that honest betrays some sort of Catholic moms of big families pact that we never voice our dissatisfaction with anything about this life to outsiders.\u00a0 If I have to say it or even think it at all, I should tell my best friend and only in ashamed and whispered tones.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n
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I love my children and consider each one a blessing, but I hurt and I don\u2019t like hurting.\u00a0 I\u2019m exhausted and I\u2019m tired of the fatigue. I don\u2019t want to do this again.<\/span>
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My secret fear through the past 7 months has been that I will need a c-section, not because of the surgery itself but because of the question they ask you before they wheel you into the OR.\u00a0 \u201cAre we tying your tubes while we\u2019re in there?\u201d\u00a0 I want to say yes.\u00a0 With every bit of my body, I want to say yes.\u00a0 Cut them.\u00a0 Burn them.\u00a0 Tie them.\u00a0 Whatever you have to do.\u00a0 I don\u2019t want to do this again.<\/span>
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My soul screams NO!\u00a0 My flesh begs yes.<\/span>
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My soul aches to trust in God.\u00a0 I have often said, and truly believe, that putting God in charge of your life means putting Him in charge of all of it\u2026.not just the parts it\u2019s easy to trust Him on.<\/span>
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Tomorrow is 31 weeks and she is breech.\u00a0 I don\u2019t need anyone to tell me that.\u00a0 I can feel the round knobby-ness of her head up by my rib cage, and all her kicking tap-dances across the inside of my pelvis.\u00a0 This is the way God works, isn\u2019t it?\u00a0 When we say to Him \u201cPlease spare me from this test, it is too much for me.\u201d He smiles and hands exactly that to us.\u00a0 He gives us the strength to come through it, but He hands us the test we fear the most.<\/span><\/p>\n
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I\u2019m weary and in pain and I can see the huge temptation that lies ahead.\u00a0 The spirit is willing\u2026the flesh really is weak.\u00a0 Luckily, the soul has help.\u00a0 I just have to remember to keep asking for it.<\/span>
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