For years, our sweet #4 has wanted nothing more than anonymity.\u00a0 She liked to sit quietly on the outskirts of a room and observe the action and wish for invisibility.\u00a0 Every so often, we would see flashes of self-confidence only to watch her shy self reappear.<\/p>\n
Then we moved.<\/p>\n
Without the social safety net of the friends and family who had surrounded her with shelter for the whole of her life, she was forced to put on her game face and walk bravely out our door to actually talk to strangers.\u00a0 It has been excruciating for her.\u00a0 It took her 11 tries before she made it all the way across the street to meet the neighbor\u2019s children.\u00a0 It took the determined tug of her younger brother\u2019s hand to pull her out to the cul de sac where the kids were all riding bikes.<\/p>\n
Her eyes still well with tears when faced with meeting new people, but she has decided that dollhouse is more fun to play with other people, so she breathes deeply and keeps trying until she gets there.<\/p>\n
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I learn so much from watching this girl face her fears head on.\u00a0 Watching her teaches me so much about how to tackle my own.\u00a0 Like many women, I hate to disappoint people, I agonize over saying \u201cno\u201d, and I cry if I think I\u2019ve hurt someone\u2019s feelings.\u00a0 I\u2019m a people-pleaser who will sacrifice what I want or what is in my own best interest if it means avoiding conflict.<\/p>\n
When did I become so afraid?<\/p>\n
There was a time in my life when I was fearless.\u00a0 A time when I did and said what I thought needed to be done and the devil take the consequences.\u00a0 As a result, I stepped on a lot of toes and hurt a lot of feelings, so I retreated to the opposite end.\u00a0 I began agreeing to things for which I had no time, scheduled activities in which I had no interest, planned things for which I had no money or energy.\u00a0 It was madness.\u00a0 There has to be a middle ground.<\/p>\n
I have come to the conclusion that always saying yes isn\u2019t a good option either, so I am learning to say no.\u00a0 It is almost physically painful for me.<\/p>\n
Last week a mom from my eldest daughter\u2019s cheerleading squad asked me to be the chairman for the winter dance which is 2 weeks after #7 is due.\u00a0 My first reaction was to say yes even though my stomach sank at the thought.\u00a0 When I said \u201d I can\u2019t\u201d I immediately began to give her a litany of all the reasons why as I silently prayed she would understand.\u00a0 She cocked her head to the side and said \u201cI don\u2019t need an explanation, if you can\u2019t then you can\u2019t.\u201d<\/p>\n
It was in that moment that I realized an important truth.\u00a0 The word \u201cno\u201d is a complete sentence.\u00a0 I don\u2019t owe people an explanation.\u00a0 The fact that I have thought about things and decided to say \u201cno\u201d should be enough.\u00a0 I say it kindly, but I say it firmly and guess what?\u00a0 People aren\u2019t offended.\u00a0 They simply nod their heads and accept my answer.\u00a0 It has caused all kinds of freedom in our family schedule, the ability to say \u201cno\u201d.<\/p>\n
It\u2019s still hard for me though.\u00a0 I still worry about the disapproval.\u00a0 I\u2019m still a little afraid of making them angry.<\/p>\n
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I asked my daughter where she finds the courage to walk across the way to meet new people.\u00a0 \u201cI pray, Mommy\u201d she answered.\u00a0 \u201cThen I take a breath and tell myself that they probably won\u2019t kill me because most people don\u2019t do that.\u00a0 Then I pretend to be brave like you and I just do it.\u201d<\/p>\n
Bless her little heart, the sweet thing.\u00a0 I don\u2019t think I\u2019ll tell her how scared her mommy can really be.<\/p>\n
Her method works though.\u00a0 I\u2019ve tried it.\u00a0 I take a deep breath to calm the knots in my stomach, and then let it out slowly.\u00a0 I say a little prayer for courage, peace and to be kind even when I can\u2019t be accommodating.\u00a0 I remind myself that most people won\u2019t kill me, at least not in broad day light or a crowded room. Then, I pretend to be brave.\u00a0 I try to be as brave as my small daughter who works on it daily and isn\u2019t afraid to fall short in the attempt.\u00a0 It may take me dozens of tries to rediscover my boldness, only this time I pray I have learned the kindness to temper it.<\/p>\n
How fortunate I am to have such an example to show me the way.<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
For years, our sweet #4 has wanted nothing more than anonymity.\u00a0 She liked to sit quietly on the outskirts of a room and observe the action and wish for invisibility.\u00a0 Every so often, we would see flashes of self-confidence only to watch her shy self reappear. Then we moved. Without the social safety net of […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1979,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-591","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"yoast_head":"\n