I have recently come to the inevitable conclusion that I attract crazy.\u00a0 I send out a signal like a homing beacon and draw it to me.<\/p>\n
A few weeks ago when I was couch shopping, this woman sat down next to me on the sofa I eventually purchased.\u00a0 I was just waiting for the saleslady to bring me the total bill including delivery when this voice next to me said \u201cDo you see the guy I\u2019m with?\u00a0 I know everybody thinks he\u2019s my first husband, but he\u2019s not.\u00a0 He\u2019s my second.\u00a0 He\u2019s the twin brother of my first husband which is what confuses people.\u201d She went on to regale me with the tale of how she\u2019s unsure which brother is the father of her 10 year old son, but could I please not tell her husband that?\u00a0 The new one or the old one, please\u2026.although she\u2019s not sure where the first one is as he went to Mexico 10 years ago and never came back\u2026\u2026\u2026and it got weirder and I just kept hoping for the saleslady to return so I could leave.<\/p>\n
But they find me, the crazy people\u2026we\u2019re weirdly drawn to each other.\u00a0 Like last week when the two little boys and I went to the preschool playgroup in our neighborhood.\u00a0 There were 15 moms there, and probably 12 of us had driven over (it\u2019s 100+ degrees out there, I\u2019m driving everywhere).\u00a0 I was sharing my story of the furniture store when someone started beating on the front door.\u00a0 Not knocking y\u2019all, beating<\/i>.\u00a0\u00a0 The hostess looked out her front window and exclaimed \u201cHow weird!\u00a0 That\u2019s my neighbor.\u00a0 I\u2019ve been living here for 3 years and he\u2019s never even said hello to me.\u201d\u00a0 (That\u2019s because he\u2019s crazy.) She had barely opened the door when he started yelling \u201cI\u2019d like to know whose black SUV is parked in front of my house!\u00a0 You need to move it because I never said you could park in front of my house!\u201d Clearly a lunatic.\u00a0 Also, clearly my <\/b><\/i>car.\u00a0 12 women parked on the street.\u00a0 What\u2019re the odds that I\u2019ll <\/i>be the one in front of the crazy man\u2019s house?\u00a0 100%<\/p>\n
Everywhere I go, I get the waitress who decides to share the intimate secrets of that thing she did last week that she didn\u2019t even tell her best friend...in explicit detail<\/i>, or the man who was abducted by aliens on Tuesday and shares the details with me as we\u2019re standing in the grocery checkout line (btw, eyeball probes do not<\/i> sound fun).\u00a0 I encounter the person who drank poison and lived to tell the tale, and the woman who swore to me that she\u2019s a psychic and I\u2019m the reincarnation of some French Jewish woman she knew in WWII and the birthmark on my head is exactly where her friend was shot.\u00a0 (fabulous.)<\/p>\n
I\u2019m not sure why the crazies come to me.\u00a0 I try to avoid eye contact with anyone even slightly strange lest I hear more about their one night stand with the ghost of Elvis than I ever wanted to know.\u00a0 It doesn\u2019t matter.\u00a0 They tap my shoulder to get my attention and then launch right into it, and my mama raised me with too many manners to just rudely walk away no matter how bizarre it gets.<\/p>\n
My husband read some post apocalyptic novel a few months back and mused out loud how unsafe the world would be with unchecked craziness on the loose.\u00a0 He can worry all he wants, but I know we\u2019ll be just fine.\u00a0 The crazies love me.\u00a0 I draw them in like bugs to a porch light and they adore me.\u00a0 Other people can fret over what ifs, but if that ever happens the loonies will come to me and I will be their queen.<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I have recently come to the inevitable conclusion that I attract crazy.\u00a0 I send out a signal like a homing beacon and draw it to me. A few weeks ago when I was couch shopping, this woman sat down next to me on the sofa I eventually purchased.\u00a0 I was just waiting for the saleslady […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1979,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-612","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"yoast_head":"\n