\u00a0I have no memory.\u00a0 Really.\u00a0 I forget everything..dates, plans, where I put my keys, things I try to memorize, names\u2026everything.\u00a0 I\u2019ve only told one person that before this week.\u00a0 It seems to be getting worse as I get older and just thinking about my poor memory can reduce me to tears.<\/p>\n
Let me go back to the beginning. I have a mother who suffered a TBI (Traumatic Brain Injury) when I was 14.\u00a0 She has short term memory loss and some long term issues.\u00a0 Highly emotional situations are almost guaranteed to disappear from her memory.\u00a0 Her TBI made her children her caretakers and took our childhoods long before we reached adulthood.\u00a0 My greatest fear is of losing my own memory.\u00a0 I\u2019ve seen the damage it does.<\/p>\n
I fear this so much that I don\u2019t mention it to anyone, not my husband, doctor or best friends.\u00a0 I would just tell myself that if I became more organized, or wrote things down, or tried harder it would get better.\u00a0 Secretly I wondered if the concussion I got in that same accident had been worse than anyone suspected.\u00a0 I feared becoming broken.<\/p>\n
This week, I worked up the courage to mention it to a close friend.\u00a0 \u201cDo you think I have a bad memory?\u201d I asked her.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou have the worst memory of anyone I know,\u201d was the crushing reply.<\/p>\n
I started quizzing other friends who all said similar things.\u00a0 \u201cYou forget everything.\u201d \u201cI know that if we have plans that I need to call you the day before and the day of to remind you.\u00a0 If I don\u2019t. then you won\u2019t show up, or will double book.\u201d\u00a0 I was even told, \u201cWe all kind of warn the new moms in our group.\u00a0 Rebecca is the nicest person you will ever meet.\u00a0 She\u2019s the best friend that you will ever have, but her memory is crap.\u00a0 If she forgets something you have planned or repeats herself a dozen times, don\u2019t take it personally\u2026it\u2019s just part of who she is.\u00a0 It\u2019s worth the effort to be her friend\u201d<\/p>\n
I hung up the phone after talking to the 5th one, and I cried.\u00a0 I was<\/i> my mother.\u00a0 I had become a burden on the people I know and love.\u00a0 They have to cover for me and explain me to new people.\u00a0 I have great friends, but \u2026.how horrifying.<\/p>\n
I sucked it up and went to the doctor.\u00a0 It\u2019s a new doctor I\u2019ve never seen before now.\u00a0 I picked her out of our provider handbook and then prayed.\u00a0 I prayed that she would be nice, and that she would have the wisdom to figure it out.<\/p>\n
I chatted with the doctor for a few minutes in that \u201cgetting to know you\u201d part of the appointment. She jotted down a few notes and then said, \u201cSo, what can I do for you today?\u201d<\/p>\n
I totally chickened out and said, \u201cI\u2019ve had really bad heartburn since the baby was born.\u00a0 It doesn\u2019t go away even with OTC medication.\u201d\u00a0 In my defense, I really do have heartburn and it really doesn\u2019t go away.\u00a0<\/p>\n
She asked me a few questions and then looked at me expectantly.\u00a0 After a long awkward pause she said, \u201cAnd how are you treating your ADHD?\u201d\u00a0 I was floored.<\/p>\n
\u201cI have ADHD?\u201d I asked.\u00a0<\/p>\n
She smiled at me and walked away.\u00a0 She returned with a 4 page questionnaire and waited while I filled it out.\u00a0 She quickly scored it and then said definitively, \u201cYou have ADHD. I didn\u2019t need the questionnaire, but it confirms what I can plainly see.\u201d\u00a0 She went on to tell me that on a scale of 0-80 with 0 being \u2018your brain is slug-like\u2019 and 80 being \u2018your brain is on hyper-drive\u2019 I scored a 72.\u00a0<\/p>\n
Far from surprised, the doctor said that I has skipped around through 6 unrelated subjects in less than 10 minutes all while constantly fidgeting, and she said \u201cNobody talks as fast as you do unless they are from New England, on speed, or have ADHD.\u201d She told me a lot about my brains inner-workings and then said \u201cI\u2019m surprised you don\u2019t have pretty substantial memory issues with a score like this. I don\u2019t mean you forget the big stuff, but I would think you\u2019d forget all the little stuff all the time.\u201d \u00a0 Is it wrong to hug your doctor?<\/p>\n
I\u2019m not slowly sliding into dementia.\u00a0 My brain just moves too quickly and too erratically to create connected memories.\u00a0 We just need to slow it down a bit, so we have.<\/p>\n
I started a prescription 3 days ago and it should take 3 weeks to reach full effect, but oh my..the difference.\u00a0 She told me that if this was the right medication it would be obvious within a few hours.\u00a0 It was.\u00a0 The background noise in my brain went away.\u00a0 It\u2019s like getting rid of the static on a radio station.\u00a0 The noise I never noticed is gone.\u00a0<\/p>\n
I\u2019m not damaged.\u00a0 I\u2019m not a stupid person.\u00a0 It\u2019s not that I\u2019m\u00a0 flake (although I may actually be a flake\u2026I\u2019ll let you know in a few weeks.) I just have a brain that moves at warp speed, and that can be treated.<\/p>\n
That evening, I waited in the living room for the Computer guy to get home and rehearsed how I would tell him.\u00a0 As I started speaking, he interrupted me, \u201cWhat happened today?\u00a0 You\u2019re speaking at a normal person speed.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0 With relief, I told him of my fears and the answer I had gotten\u2026.for once I told him something and went straight from A to B without my story meandering around and hitting all the other letters on the way.\u00a0 I could think in a straight line without distraction.\u00a0 If the next three weeks will make it better than this?\u00a0 I can\u2019t wait.<\/p>\n
**Did you make it all the way though?\u00a0 Thanks for sticking with me!**<\/span><\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" \u00a0I have no memory.\u00a0 Really.\u00a0 I forget everything..dates, plans, where I put my keys, things I try to memorize, names\u2026everything.\u00a0 I\u2019ve only told one person that before this week.\u00a0 It seems to be getting worse as I get older and just thinking about my poor memory can reduce me to tears. Let me go back […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1979,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-687","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"yoast_head":"\n