Dear Stacy,
I hope that you had a good time last night out drinking and dancing with your friends, and almost every night for the last couple weeks. \u00a0 It seems like you must have met a lot of guys.\u00a0 I know this, even though I don\u2019t know you, because they keep calling my phone number to reach you.<\/p>\n
According to Jake (who really is a nice guy so it\u2019s kind of sad he can\u2019t really reach you), you would give your phone number out to any guy who bought you a drink.\u00a0 Bully for you!\u00a0 I admire that kind of entrepreneurial spirit.\u00a0 It\u2019s nice to know that Capitalism is alive and well with the younger generation.\u00a0 Although, technically I suppose that selling the wrong phone number to people could be called fraud\u2026I\u2019m sure your heart was in the right place.\u00a0 You\u2019re just a nice girl who didn\u2019t want to hurt anyone\u2019s feelings.\u00a0 I get it.\u00a0 After all, cute is deserving of a few drinks.\u00a0 Isn\u2019t it?<\/p>\n
Here\u2019s the thing you may not have known.\u00a0 Your gentlemen friends started calling you, by which I mean they were calling me, still drunk or hung over, two weeks ago.\u00a0 After the first couple argued with me that I was, in fact, you, and became quite irate\u2026well, I decided to take a different stance on the whole thing.<\/p>\n
I know, from what you told them and they shared with me, that you are a student at the local college, and that you are picking up Summer hours.\u00a0 You must be a smart girl.\u00a0 I hope you were smart enough to give out a fake name with your fake number.\u00a0 If not, you may have some explaining to do around campus.<\/p>\n
By the time this had gone on a week, I started to explain to people why you weren\u2019t answering your phone yourself.\u00a0 You see, you\u2019ve been arrested.\u00a0 I know, it\u2019s shocking isn\u2019t it?\u00a0 You seemed like such a nice, honest girl.\u00a0 Arrested!\u00a0 for being part of an elaborate plot with your friends.\u00a0 You flirt with guys, get them to buy you drinks, wait until their guard is down, rob them blind (they still had their money?\u00a0 Well, they\u2019re the lucky ones) and then y\u2019all go on a shopping sprees for shoes and chinchillas.\u00a0 You know those little fuzzy rat things?\u00a0 You just love them.\u00a0 Didn\u2019t you know that you were secretly addicted to owning the nasty things?\u00a0 The cops found dozens and dozens of them at your apartment.\u00a0 The stench was amazing.\u00a0 Really, people were sickened by the smell.\u00a0 Who new a cute girl could be so gross?<\/p>\n
I\u2019ve advised all those boys to never buy you a drink again, and to warn their friends to stay as far away from you and your friends as they can get.\u00a0 They\u2019ve assured me that they will let everyone know that you should be avoided like the plague.\u00a0 That should make clubbing super fun for you in the future.<\/p>\n
Good luck with your life, Stacy.\u00a0 I\u2019ll bet that it gets a lot more boring for the next little while.\u00a0 Instead of the clubs?\u00a0 How about going to church?\u00a0 You might just learn something while you\u2019re there.\u00a0 As an extra bonus, the church boys will be the only ones who don\u2019t know about the chinchilla thing.<\/p>\n
Toodles,
the Mom<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Dear Stacy,I hope that you had a good time last night out drinking and dancing with your friends, and almost every night for the last couple weeks. \u00a0 It seems like you must have met a lot of guys.\u00a0 I know this, even though I don\u2019t know you, because they keep calling my phone number […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1979,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-833","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"yoast_head":"\n