I took Ella with me to Target over the weekend. We were running errands and she needed to get out of the house. That\u2019s one of the biggest hurdles we\u2019re facing with her \u2013 getting her exercise out of the house. She\u2019s bored sitting around here all day, and she can\u2019t go very far unless we take her. Add that in with how quickly she fatigues, and she\u2019s sitting at home way too often. All of that to say that little trips to Target or the grocery store have become real treats for her as long as I keep them short.<\/p>\n
She primped a little before we went, which in a 9 year old\u2019s world means she brushed her hair and teeth and put on a headband. She grabbed her crutches and off we went.<\/p>\n
We were walking through the store, me pushing the red cart and her with the now familiar click-click of crutches hitting the ground, when I heard a small voice say, \u201cMommy, what are those things she has?\u201d<\/p>\n
I looked across the aisle and saw a woman and her 4-ish year old standing among the clothing racks.<\/p>\n
\u201cThey\u2019re crutches, Sweetie.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhy does she have them?\u201d<\/p>\n
The mother looked up at my daughter as she walked by and answered, \u201cBecause she\u2019s hurt\u2026\u201d her voice tailed off as she watched Ella\u2019s awkward gait. \u201c..no\u2026she\u2019s crippled. Her legs don\u2019t work right, and the crutches help her walk.\u201d<\/p>\n
Crippled.<\/p>\n
With that one word, the breath left my body and tears pricked at the corners of my eyes. I swallowed hard and my world spun for a moment. There was the truth out there for everyone to see in one awful word.<\/p>\n
Crippled.<\/p>\n
How have we gotten to this point so quickly? How is it that three weeks ago she was running and playing, and now her legs buckle and she collapses under her own weight?<\/p>\n
I wanted to scream at that mother that it wasn\u2019t true! The scream \u201cTake it back!\u201d became a knot in my throat that it hurt to swallow away. I looked at the floor and then at Ella, and began to move away when I heard that small voice ask ,\u201dHow did that happen to her?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cShe was probably born that way.\u201d The mom answered.<\/p>\n
And a single tear ran down my cheek.<\/p>\n
She wasn\u2019t. This isn\u2019t the healthy baby I gave birth to. This girl with the legs that don\u2019t work isn\u2019t the future I dreamed for her. This isn\u2019t the plan at all! She was our star athlete<\/a> and a talented ballerina. She was our glittery fairy girl <\/a>who danced and twirled her way through life.<\/p>\n I ache to scream at God the same way I wanted to yell at the Target woman, \u00a0\u201cNo! Take it back! Take back that ugly word! She can\u2019t be crippled. She just can\u2019t be!\u201d I want to scream and cry out in rage and pain. I want to beg for mercy in sobbing whispers.<\/p>\n But I can\u2019t.<\/p>\n The words always seem to lump up in my throat, because I know that she is. She is <\/i>crippled,\u00a0and we don\u2019t know why\u2026.and I just want Him to take it back\u2026take all of it back\u2026 and make her whole again.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" I took Ella with me to Target over the weekend. We were running errands and she needed to get out of the house. That\u2019s one of the biggest hurdles we\u2019re facing with her \u2013 getting her exercise out of the house. She\u2019s bored sitting around here all day, and she can\u2019t go very far unless […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1979,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-90","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"yoast_head":"\n