I listened, this weekend, to a sermon on the resurrection of the body at the end of time.\u00a0 When I was younger, this was a joyous thought.\u00a0 I moved easily and gracefully through life, striding easily, walking tall.\u00a0 It is now something I wish we could do without.\u00a0 I\u2019d rather just get to heaven and stay non-corporeal.\u00a0 I\u2019d rather be light and floaty and just gliding about among the clouds and what-nots.<\/p>\n
The truth is that I hate my body.\u00a0 H-A-T-E it .\u00a0 It\u2019s heavy and cumbersome and slow.\u00a0 It\u2019s tired and sluggish.\u00a0 There are weird aches and joints which lock up, and that strange poppy noise in my left knee when I squat.\u00a0 Throw in a healthy dose of stretched out, saggy, and floppy, and I\u2019m thinking Purgatory sounds good if it means I can leave this body behind.<\/p>\n
I know that our bodies will be perfected, but I\u2019m not sure I want it back even if you fix the stuff that\u2019s wrong with it.\u00a0 It\u2019s like taking your car to the mechanic, he can fix it up so that it runs like new, but it won\u2019t have that new car smell.\u00a0 How do you sell getting your own body back to people who are aged or sick or fat and uncomfortable and just want to leave this shell behind?\u00a0 If people are eager to be free, why are you offering them a cage?<\/p>\n
I count my blessings daily.\u00a0 Everything works, for the most part.\u00a0 This body has been the means of production of all of our beautiful children.\u00a0 I am so grateful for them, but I hate what it has done to me.\u00a0 I long to feel strong and beautiful, but the tale of my life is written in every sag of flesh.\u00a0 (That\u2019s a lovely image, isn\u2019t it?)<\/p>\n
The solution lies with me, and I know that.\u00a0 Run more, exercise more, eat less, pray unceasingly.\u00a0 I know all of these things in my mind, but I have tried them before and they haven\u2019t worked.\u00a0 Perhaps the solution is acceptance.\u00a0 Learn to love that which I find imperfect in myself.\u00a0 Frankly, I don\u2019t see that happening, but I can work on it.\u00a0 Or I can let go of my image of perfection and trust God that what he has planned is better than being able to wear a size 4.\u00a0 He\u2019s never lied to me before.\u00a0 Please, oh please, let this one be true.<\/p>\n
**Edited to Add** Don\u2019t feel sorry for me, or think I am being hard on myself.\u00a0 I think that <\/span><\/span>I<\/i> am fabulous.\u00a0 I love my brain, my soul, my wit.\u00a0 I\u2019m pretty darn cute and a great friend.\u00a0 I just happen to not be too fond of the body that holds it all together.\u00a0 I was pretty spoiled by what I had pre-children and the memory of it haunts me.\u00a0 I want my 16 year old pre-baby body back.\u00a0 Is that too much to ask?\u00a0 I think not.<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" I listened, this weekend, to a sermon on the resurrection of the body at the end of time.\u00a0 When I was younger, this was a joyous thought.\u00a0 I moved easily and gracefully through life, striding easily, walking tall.\u00a0 It is now something I wish we could do without.\u00a0 I\u2019d rather just get to heaven and […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1979,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-937","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"yoast_head":"\n