My brain is not working correctly.\u00a0 The stress of having a child who eats things which are not food has caught up with me in the last 48 hours.\u00a0 I can\u2019t sleep, instead I just lay there and worry. Was it something we did? Was it something we didn\u2019t do?<\/p>\n
Logically I know that his compulsive behavior is not something I can control, but I am a person who likes control.\u00a0 Giving it up is hard.\u00a0 He is my child, how can I not be able to help him?\u00a0 How is it that there is a stranger who is capable of giving him what help he needs better than I am?\u00a0 He\u2019s my baby and it\u2019s my job to keep him safe.\u00a0 If I can\u2019t do that, am I a failure?\u00a0 My logical self knows the answer to these questions.\u00a0 My heart aches under the weight of them.<\/p>\n
I watch the clock all night and simply mark the time.\u00a0 The baby snores softly as his body curls into mine.\u00a0 My husband slumbers next to me as his toe gently rubs the sole of my foot.\u00a0 Sleep comes for them.\u00a0 It leaves me alone.<\/p>\n
The fatigue is wearing on me.\u00a0 My brain will not work at a speed to which I am accustomed.\u00a0 I think in slow motion.\u00a0 Circles in slow motion.\u00a0 My thoughts just loop around on themselves.<\/p>\n
Eventually I will find peace or I will wear out.\u00a0 I pray for peace, but it has not yet been granted me, so I wait.\u00a0 I wait for resolution or tranquility.\u00a0 I know one or the other will be mine whenever God ordains it.\u00a0 Until then, the nights are mine to think, pray, worry, wonder and hope.<\/p>\n
It will be as it is ordained to be.\u00a0 God has a plan for all of this.\u00a0 I just wish He would give me a hint.<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
My brain is not working correctly.\u00a0 The stress of having a child who eats things which are not food has caught up with me in the last 48 hours.\u00a0 I can\u2019t sleep, instead I just lay there and worry. Was it something we did? Was it something we didn\u2019t do? Logically I know that his […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1979,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-978","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"yoast_head":"\n