Tells the truth. He may tell you the truth in a way that hurts, but will tell the truth. And you should be thankful for it.<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ol>\nSweet also points out that David named his son Nathan, he believes as a \u201cway of tying a gift to the saddle, fulfilling the obligation of obligation.\u201d<\/span>
<\/span>As a journalist for two decades, I\u2019ve worked for bona-fide editors who\u2019ve made my articles bleed, sometimes salvaging only morsels to expand into better versions. I\u2019ve also had friends who\u2019ve encouraged me to delete portions of my responses to focus on the true and best courses of action.<\/span><\/p><\/div>\n<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
Jonathan (True Friend)<\/b><\/div>\n<\/div>\n
Another relationship with David is the one with Jonathan, his well-known best friend. Sweet says a \u201cJonathan is a person who is like \u201cyour second self.\u201d He is fiercely loyal, sacrificing his own comfort for your benefit, \u201ceven knowing, as the original Jonathan knew, that the more your song rises, the more his or her own song fades into the background.\u201d The song \u201cWind Beneath My Wings\u201d comes to my mind. <\/div>\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/div>\n
Sweet also says Jonathan is not your \u201cbest\u201d but a \u201ctrue\u201d friend, discouraging the idea of playing favorites with your relationships.<\/div>\n
<\/span><\/div>\nWhy it is so difficult for many to have a Jonathan in their lives? Sweet mentions three syndromes or \u201csin-dromes.\u201d<\/span>\n\n- Egostystem syndrome \u2013 friendships to advance our agenda or status<\/span><\/li>\n
- \u201cNo Down Elevator\u201d syndrome \u2013 experiencing emotional vulnerability<\/span><\/li>\n
- \u201cWhat, Me Sacrifice?\u201d syndrome \u2013 sacrifice of time and effort<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n
I have been privileged to have several Jonathans in my life and I would hope that others would be able to say that of me. They\u2019re not only the best in crisis moments but the best in everyday, being-there living.<\/span><\/p><\/div>\n<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
Jethro (Butt-Kicker)<\/b><\/div>\n<\/div>\n
Sweet uses the character of Jethro to illustrate the idea of someone who will get you in the right road. He differentiates the idea of saying \u201cGo in peace\u201d to \u201cGo to peace,\u201d basically contrasting the idea of dismissal with provocation to a better work.<\/div>\n
<\/span><\/div>\nA Jethro is a person who blesses you forward, who says \u201cYou\u2019re history, Hamby,\u201d not only in the sense of humility but in the perspective of making your mark. Jethros give us a \u201cmind to work\u201d<\/span><\/div>\n<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
Timothy (Prot\u00e9g\u00e9)<\/b><\/div>\n<\/div>\n
The relationship between Paul and Timothy is explored in one chapter, where Sweet calls on the importance of a prot\u00e9g\u00e9. This chapter spoke volumes to me as a young leader who\u2019s not as young as I sometimes think I am. <\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
For so long, as a young leader, you are taught to listen and learn, but then there\u2019s a time of paying it forward, of stepping into your moment as a mentor. I don\u2019t think we always make those transitions well and I\u2019d like to do better.<\/div>\n
<\/span><\/div>\nWe think about heritage and in my life, my goal is to write a book or leave some type of legacy in print. But this question reverberated with me, \u201cHave you considered your Sistine Chapel might not be a project or place but a person?\u201d<\/span><\/div>\n
<\/span><\/div>\nAnother point of interest is Sweet\u2019s proposal for open, studio-style workspaces in churches rather than offices, a move that would foster community and brainstorming, reducing the convenience of isolation. He said most churches he suggests it to don\u2019t take him up on it, but it\u2019s an idea I\u2019d like to keep in my mind. Is it possible for me to model it?<\/span><\/div>\n
<\/span><\/div>\nSweet also distinguishes between clones and heirs. Heirs won\u2019t do everything the same. They\u2019ll have their own tune, but they\u2019ll have the same mission.<\/span><\/div>\n<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
Barnabus (Encourager)<\/b><\/div>\n<\/div>\n
If there\u2019s one relationship that most people wish they had more of, it\u2019s probably a Barnabus, the encourager. Some of us do have them and we keep them close. We keep files with notes of support for times we need to look and find if we ever do anything right. A Barnabus helps give us hope. <\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
Sweet says the Academy Awards\u2019 Oscar statue is a symbol of encouragement from peers, since it\u2019s based on votes by members of the Academy. <\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
Barnabus is an encourager, not an embalmer. \u201cSome people will embalm you in flattery,\u201d Sweet says. \u201cThat\u2019s not a Barnabus, that\u2019s a sycophant.\u201d I think the Holy Spirit helps us at times beware of people who use flattery to get close in order to destroy you from within. \u00a0<\/div>\n
<\/span><\/div>\n\u201cWho works like steroids to your spirit? To whom are you an encourager?\u201d The latter question also resounds with me. Am I being as encouraging as I like for others to be toward me?<\/span><\/div>\n
<\/span><\/div>\nSweet talks about two kinds of handlers \u2013 fists and palms. Barnabus is a palm (high-fives, pats on the back). \u00a0<\/span><\/div>\n<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
Peter\/Paul (Yoda)<\/b><\/div>\n<\/div>\n
Who can you turn to for wisdom? Who\u2019s been there, bought the t-shirt, wrote the book? It\u2019s the Peter\/Paul type of \u201cWithness\u201d or, as Sweet illustrates, \u201cyou need a Yoda.\u201d As in the green muppet in the Star Wars movies. <\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
A Yoda is a wise person, not necessarily old, but most likely, who helps you navigate the path they\u2019ve already walked. As a new supervisor, I turn to the old supervisor with employee questions, from the major items to the minor details. Leaders should not be threatened with someone who\u2019s been there. You take all the wisdom they have and implement what\u2019s necessary. <\/div>\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/div>\n
Sweet offers a few tips for choosing a mentor: <\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
\n- Humility \u2013 One who knows but knows they don\u2019t know it it all. It is not the one who has all the right answers but the right spirit<\/li>\n
- Honesty \u2013They are known to be truthful and virtuous.<\/span><\/li>\n
- Honor \u2013 These are people who are honored and honorable.<\/span>\u00a0<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n
<\/p>\n
<\/div>\n
Deborah (Back-coverer)<\/b><\/div>\n<\/div>\n
Sweet serves a wake-up call to anyone who still thinks leadership is an easy road with his proclamation that we\u2019re all going to eventually be betrayed and stabbed in the back. It happened to Christ; it will happen to us. Therefore, we need a Deborah, someone who covers your back. In this chapter, he offers the following points:<\/div>\n
<\/span><\/div>\n<\/div>\n
\n- You\u2019re going to get it in the back.<\/span><\/li>\n
- Sometimes a back-coverer fights with you in front lines but most times pray from a distance.<\/span><\/li>\n
- You can Deborah people you don\u2019t know. You don\u2019t have to be a good friend to someone to watch their back and take up for them.<\/span><\/li>\n
- We can Deborah generations that come before and after us. Sweet opens up the model of relationship across the decades with this concept of standing in the gap for our predecessors and descendants in the faith.<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n
Zaccheus (Reject)<\/b><\/div>\n<\/div>\n
When I read the chapter about Zaccheus, the \u201cReject\u201d \u201cWithness\u201d relationship, I definitely thought of the old Mike Adkins story of \u201cA Man Called Norman,\u201d featured on Focus on the Family in the 80s. Norman was Adkins\u2019 neighbor, someone who didn\u2019t fit into the mold of Adkins\u2019 other relationships, but nonetheless had lessons to teach through his friendship. <\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
Sweet uses Zaccheus, \u201csomeone up a tree,\u201d to drive home this concept. Not every relationship is going to be cozy and tidy. Not every relationship is going to be comfortable. The reject relationship will likely not be, because while the others give you something, this relationship requires something from you.<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
\n- Remember Zaccheus is someone \u201cup in a tree.\u201d This is someone who needs your help. They can\u2019t help themselves.<\/li>\n
- Zaccheus is one of a kind, an iconoclast. He breaks the mold. There isn\u2019t a place for them in our world of boxes. He is characterized by the word \u201ceccentric.\u201d<\/li>\n
- Be mindful that a Zaccheus is \u201cout there.\u201d You may have to go hunting. They\u2019re not necessarily in your church. They\u2019re not behind you in the pew.<\/li>\n
- Zaccheus is Trouble. This is someone whose relationship with you may have to be defended. Sweet uses his own friendship with Willie Nelson and some controversy that ensued to illustrate this.<\/li>\n
- Don\u2019t overlook the reality that Zaccheus is inefficient. Your life runs more smoothly without a Zaccheus. But you need a person mocked by others but to whom you extend a healing, helping hand.\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n
<\/p>\n
Most of us will not have a \u201cHosea-Gomer\u201d relationship but this is certainly one that would fit into Sweet\u2019s distinctions. <\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
Rhoda (Little One)<\/b><\/div>\n<\/div>\n
Sweet mentions Rhoda in a chapter on \u201cYou need a little one.\u201d Mostly, he focuses on the idea of childlike faith and innocence, barely distinguishing it from the idea of a prot\u00e9g\u00e9 except that age here is more important.<\/div>\n
<\/span><\/div>\n\u201cRhodas will keep you snug, scared, small, light and alive,\u201d he says.<\/span><\/div>\n<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
Lydia and Lazarus (VIPS)<\/b><\/div>\n<\/div>\n
Sweet offers a balanced perspective on VIPS when focusing on Lydia and Lazarus. He doesn\u2019t poormouth the rich or dismiss those in poverty, but says we need both to keep our perspective fresh. <\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
Lydia is the kind who will help with resources with your ministry. He discourages the reader from ignoring what God might be trying to do through their charity in your life. He even admits a time when he turned his back on millions because of a reluctance of the attention it would bring. <\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
Lazarus represents the poor that Christ spent time with. We should stay connected with them, not by throwing money at them or working off our guilt somehow, but by being active solutions to their problems. He suggests a diagram to do away with poverty in the chapter\u2019s interactive follow-up. <\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
I think in my years in church, I have seen far fewer people uncomfortable with the rich than the poor. <\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
Jerusalem (Place)<\/b><\/div>\n<\/div>\n
Sweet introduces one of the final two relationships with one that isn\u2019t a person, but a place. Jerusalem represents the place of rest, the home, where you find shelter. He speaks about places that bring you to \u201choliness\u201d and remind you of past victories. <\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
\u201cWho we are is shaped by where we are,\u201d he writes. <\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
This chapter also affords Sweet the opportunity to make mentions of creation care and not despising where you come from. <\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
Some people struggle with their heritage, but hopefully it can be put in its proper place; not defining what we do now, but serving as checkpoints of our lives. <\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
The Invisible 12th<\/sup><\/b><\/div>\n<\/div>\n
In the final chapter, Sweet discusses a 12
th<\/sup>relationship, the Paraclete. As Christians, we are afforded the opportunity to use our relationship with the Holy Spirit to guard us against attacks and be our ultimate relationship. Just as Jesus had no one to pray with Him an hour in the garden, our 11 other relationships may not always be there. <\/div>\n<\/div>\n
The Paraclete, which refers to the Holy Spirit and sometimes the spirit of Christ, offers a \u201cTrifecta of Truth: Confidence, Humility, Courage\u201d to all those who enter into relationship with Him. <\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
I found
11<\/i> to be an extremely insightful narrative on relationships. As with many books of this nature, none of the subject matter is particularly revelatory. Sweet\u2019s treasure here is the presentation, dividing these relationships and even self-editing out peripheral information to keep the meat of the book intact.<\/div>\n
<\/span><\/div>\nSweet manages to keep his points interesting, relating to the readers more casually than scholarly. He is confessional and approachable, although still being able to speak as a voice of experience.<\/span><\/div>\n
<\/span><\/div>\nAs I read, I was struck with how many of the relationships I do have, without making an effort to fill any guidelines this book might have offered. This is what I mean by not revelatory, per se. Still it\u2019s helpful for those who may see a need for improvement in areas, such as mine in the area of prot\u00e9g\u00e9s and being an encourager. In fact, Sweet might have emphasized even more than he did the idea of turning these 11 relationships into personal missions for the readers, rather than objects to seek.\u00a0<\/span><\/div>\n<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
\u201cNo man is an island entire of itself.\u201d\u2014John Donne One of the key reasons leaders fail is isolation and insulation, shutting out the others who can assist and enhance your leadership. When pride tells a person that he or she is self-sufficient, trouble is looming. To that end, Leonard Sweet takes aim at the concept […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2815,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-183","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"yoast_head":"\n
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can assist\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/reelfaith\/2012\/08\/11-indispensable-relationships-you-cant-be-without-a-book-review.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Reel Faith\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:publisher\" content=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/dewaynehamby\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2012-08-27T06:14:00+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"http:\/\/wp.production.patheos.com\/blogs\/reelfaith\/files\/2.bp.blogspot.com\/-gzCGIOUtfu0\/UDrr3M4v0WI\/AAAAAAAAAqs\/mu2m8EAU5pM\/s320\/11.jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"DeWayne Hamby\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:creator\" content=\"@dewaynehamby\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:site\" content=\"@dewaynehamby\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"DeWayne Hamby\" \/>\n\t<meta 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