{"id":1231,"date":"2024-11-11T05:20:40","date_gmt":"2024-11-11T13:20:40","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/relationshipmatters\/?p=1231"},"modified":"2024-11-13T17:08:59","modified_gmt":"2024-11-14T01:08:59","slug":"from-heartbreak-to-healing-lessons-learned-from-infidelity","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/relationshipmatters\/2024\/11\/from-heartbreak-to-healing-lessons-learned-from-infidelity\/","title":{"rendered":"From Heartbreak to Healing: Lessons Learned from Infidelity"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>

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Lessons Learned Out of Heartbreak
Image by StockSnap<\/a> from Pixabay<\/a><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<\/p>

Infidelity, a nicer word for adultery perhaps, is far more common than most want to admit. The American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy\u00a0reports<\/a> that when it comes to married couples, between 10 and 15 percent of women and 20 and 25 percent of men are unfaithful. That\u2019s around one in ten and about one out of four. Sadly, the numbers do not represent a much higher percentage who, according to Jesus<\/a>, commit adultery in their hearts when they look at someone lustfully. (Don\u2019t even get me started on the problem of porn.) My point? More than most of us want to acknowledge, too many are too often unfaithful and far from perfect. That\u2019s the bad news, but there is some good news we must focus on if we are to walk in hope. And there are lessons we can learn from infidelity.<\/p>\n

John\u2019s gospel tells a fascinating story of grace and mercy (found in John 8:3-11<\/a>). Some translators add a footnote to the text, noting that this story may not be in the original manuscript. However, the story is absolutely in line with the rest of the gospel stories and much like Jesus. Nonetheless, whether included in the first manuscripts or not, the encounter of Jesus with a woman caught in the act of adultery is rich with application for all Christ-followers.<\/p>\n

Here\u2019s the paraphrase of what happened:<\/h2>\n

Jesus is teaching in the temple courts with many people gathered around him. A bunch of men, the Pharisees, drag a woman caught in adultery in front of Jesus and everybody else. They made her stand there as they shamed her and tried to trap Jesus into breaking the law of Moses that demanded she be stoned to death for her sin. (I wonder where the guy is who did the deed with her? Hmmm.)<\/p>\n

Jesus didn\u2019t bite. He bent over and started to doodle in the dirt with his finger. We have no idea what he is writing, but I think he was making a list of the sins each accuser was guilty of committing or perhaps writing the Ten Commandments. But the hardliners wouldn\u2019t let Jesus off the hook and kept badgering Him.<\/p>\n

Jesus stood up, looked these hypocrites in the eye, and said, \u201cWhoever is perfect (i.e., without sin), you go ahead and cast the first stone. Then Jesus bent over and returned to doing whatever he was doing on the ground.<\/p>\n

Well, things didn\u2019t go as they expected for this ad hoc men\u2019s club, and probably out of embarrassment, they split one at a time, beginning with the older ones first. (Understandably since we older guys typically have a lot more sins to account for on the list.)<\/p>\n

So, the woman ends up alone in front of Jesus. He looks at her and asks, \u201cWoman, where are your accusers? Has no one condemned you?\u201d I am pretty sure she is sobbing from relief, probably half-clothed, and still very embarrassed, as she bows her head and says, \u201cNo one has condemned me, sir.\u201d (Insert heaving sigh.) Jesus then tells her the most incredible thing, \u201cNeither do I condemn you. Go now and leave your life of sin.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

In case you need a word picture for grace, this encounter is an incredible example of amazing grace<\/em>. I imagine her wiping her nose and eyes as she pulls her torn garment over her shoulders as best as she can to cover herself, and then walks through the stunned crowd. As I said, I love this story because it demonstrates the kindness, goodness, and mercy of Jesus so well. (Here<\/a> is another great article about this woman.)<\/p>\n

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Woman Caught in Adultery Image by Victoria<\/a> from Pixabay<\/a><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

What bugs me\u2026<\/h2>\n

Most Christians enjoy using this story for two reasons. First, it shows off how fantastic Jesus is. (That\u2019s good.) Second, they like to use it as a warning and a \u201cyeah-but\u201d statement. (That\u2019s bad.)<\/p>\n

I hear something like this regularly from too many Christians regarding this passage:\u00a0Sure, Jesus didn\u2019t want her dead, he didn\u2019t condemn her, and she was forgiven, but Jesus sure put the fear of God in her!<\/em>\u00a0From their perspective, they suggest Jesus was tough (you know, that\u00a0tough love<\/em>\u00a0thing), and his words and tone were demanding.\u00a0Alrighty, sweetheart, you got off easy this<\/strong> time, but you better cut it out and stop being so stupid. You can go on your way, but you better not screw up again!<\/em><\/p>\n

Why are we so quick to use Jesus\u2019 stories of grace to put sinners in their place? Isn\u2019t it possible (and far more probable, knowing Jesus) that there was something wonderfully gentle and kind in His tone with this woman? Instead of a warning or a threat, what if Jesus was tenderly telling her, Hon, this was the worst moment of your life. I know how shamed and horrible and embarrassed you feel right now. Listen, that\u2019s not the heart of Abba for you. He and I care about you so much that I beg you to learn from this tragic moment, so you never have to go through this again.<\/em><\/p>\n

Of course, Jesus wants us to stop sinning\u00a0and make good choices.\u00a0But his words in the aftermath of our stupidity are never a veiled threat.<\/strong> Please hear his voice\u2019s tenderness, acceptance, and love that encourages us to grow. Jesus wants us to change and grow so <\/span>we won\u2019t hurt ourselves or others anymore.<\/p>\n

You can land first and foremost on the \u201cgo your way and sin no more\u201d part, or you can start where Jesus started, \u201cneither do I condemn you.\u201d<\/p>\n

Here is the heart of Jesus for those of us who fail:<\/p>\n