Dear Pat Robertson,<\/p>\n
I know that you know that all press is good press, so I appreciate the shout-out. And you make God look like a big mean bully who kicks people when they are down, so I\u2019m all over that action. <\/p>\n
But when you say that Haiti has made a pact with me, it is totally humiliating. I may be evil incarnate, but I\u2019m no welcher. The way you put it, making a deal with me leaves folks desperate and impoverished.<\/p>\n
Sure, in the afterlife, but when I strike bargains with people, they first get something here on earth \u2014 glamour, beauty, talent, wealth, fame, glory, a golden fiddle. Those Haitians have nothing, and I mean nothing. And that was before the earthquake. Haven\u2019t you seen \u201cCrossroads\u201d? Or \u201cDamn Yankees\u201d? <\/p>\n
If I had a thing going with Haiti, there\u2019d be lots of banks, skyscrapers, SUVs, exclusive night clubs, Botox \u2014 that kind of thing. An 80 percent poverty rate is so not my style. Nothing against it \u2014 I\u2019m just saying: Not how I roll. <\/p>\n
You\u2019re doing great work, Pat, and I don\u2019t want to clip your wings \u2014 just, come on, you\u2019re making me look bad. And not the good kind of bad. Keep blaming God. That\u2019s working. But leave me out of it, please. Or we may need to renegotiate your own contract.<\/p>\n
Best, Satan<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
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