{"id":786,"date":"2014-04-05T19:18:00","date_gmt":"2014-04-05T19:18:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/admin.patheos.com\/blogs\/rhetoricraceandreligion\/2014\/04\/love-and-limits.html"},"modified":"2014-04-05T19:18:00","modified_gmt":"2014-04-05T19:18:00","slug":"love-and-limits","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/rhetoricraceandreligion\/2014\/04\/love-and-limits.html","title":{"rendered":"Love and Limits"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>
by Peter Gathje<\/a><\/span><\/div>\n
R3 Contributor<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/span><\/div>\n
<\/div>\n

<\/span><\/div>\n
Hospitality isn\u2019t all sweetness and light.\u00a0 Mark came in for a shower at Manna House <\/a>today.\u00a0 But he was drunk.\u00a0 So I had a short conversation with him, and not one that was pleasant for him or for me.<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/span><\/div>\n
\u201cMark, we can\u2019t let you shower today.\u201d<\/span><\/div>\n
\u201cWhy not?\u201d<\/span><\/div>\n
\u201cYou\u2019ve been drinking.\u201d<\/span><\/div>\n
\u201cI\u2019ve had some, but I\u2019m ok.\u201d<\/span><\/div>\n
\u201cNo.\u00a0 You\u2019re not ok.\u00a0 You can\u2019t shower here today.\u00a0 You\u2019re not steady on your feet.\u00a0 You could fall in the shower, and that wouldn\u2019t be good for you or for us.\u201d\u00a0 \u00a0<\/span><\/div>\n
\u201cPlease.\u00a0 I\u2019m dirty and I don\u2019t smell very good.\u201d<\/span><\/div>\n
\u201cNot today.\u00a0 You need to be sober to shower here.\u201d<\/span><\/div>\n
\u201cI\u2019m just feeling it some from last night.\u00a0 I\u2019m ok.\u201d<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/span><\/span><\/div>\n
At this point I remembered some advice from someone, \u201cNever argue with a drunk.\u201d\u00a0<\/span><\/span>\u201cMark, you need to go.\u00a0 You\u2019re welcome here when you\u2019re sober.\u201d<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/span><\/span><\/div>\n
Mark left and as he did my heart ached for him.\u00a0 He struggles mightily with alcohol.\u00a0 He has come to Manna House many times sober.\u00a0 And when he does he\u2019s a quiet and pleasant person.\u00a0 Even when he\u2019s not sober he\u2019s still quiet and pleasant; just not very steady on his feet.\u00a0 And my heart aches because I know that even if there comes a day when Mark seeks help for his alcoholism he\u2019ll find treatment programs are few and far between and often have a long waiting list.<\/span><\/span><\/div>\n

<\/span><\/span><\/div>\n
I didn\u2019t want Mark to fall in the shower, like he did once before when he was drunk but had been let into shower.\u00a0 I also was reflecting Manna House policy. \u00a0We try not to allow drunk or high persons in for hospitality.\u00a0 Our experience is that when people are drunk or high the possibility increases that arguments or even fights will take place. \u00a0Manna House seeks to offer sanctuary, a peaceful place for people to be without being hassled by persons whose personalities have been altered by drugs or alcohol.<\/span><\/span><\/div>\n

<\/span><\/div>\n
So, I said \u201cno\u201d to Mark.\u00a0 And he went away.\u00a0 His next opportunity to shower at Manna House will be\u00a0Monday<\/span><\/span>.\u00a0 Four more days in the clothes he had on will not be pleasant for him, to say the least. Because the hospitality we offer at Manna House is shaped by a conviction of welcoming our guests with love, our saying \u201cno\u201d must be framed by love.\u00a0 In the Christian tradition there has been a long argument about the nature of Christian love.\u00a0 Is it self-sacrificing with no regard for one\u2019s own well being?\u00a0 Or is it self-sacrificing for the sake of building a community of mutual well being?\u00a0 For us it is the latter.\u00a0 We accept that the love we try to practice accepts some degree of limits and boundaries.\u00a0 We accept that we have expectations for each other, guests and volunteers alike, and to violate those expectations has consequences.\u00a0 Love doesn\u2019t mean anything goes; it means seeking the good of each person so that a community of mutual respect can develop.<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/span><\/div>\n
To practice that love means Mark does not get to shower when he shows up drunk.\u00a0 It means saying \u201cno\u201d with some gentleness and ongoing respect for Mark and his struggle. It also means we\u2019ll continue to offer a shower to Mark and not hold today against him.\u00a0 He\u2019s welcome\u00a0on Monday<\/span><\/span>, if he\u2019s sober.\u00a0<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/span><\/div>\n
Follow Peter on Twitter @petegath<\/a><\/span><\/div>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

by Peter Gathje R3 Contributor Hospitality isn\u2019t all sweetness and light.\u00a0 Mark came in for a shower at Manna House today.\u00a0 But he was drunk.\u00a0 So I had a short conversation with him, and not one that was pleasant for him or for me. \u201cMark, we can\u2019t let you shower today.\u201d \u201cWhy not?\u201d \u201cYou\u2019ve been […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-786","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"yoast_head":"\nLove and Limits<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"by Peter GathjeR3 ContributorHospitality isn\u2019t all sweetness and light.  Mark came in for a shower at Manna House today.  But he was\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/rhetoricraceandreligion\/2014\/04\/love-and-limits.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Love and Limits\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"by Peter GathjeR3 ContributorHospitality isn\u2019t all sweetness and light.  Mark came in for a shower at Manna House today.  But he was\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/rhetoricraceandreligion\/2014\/04\/love-and-limits.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Rhetoric Race and Religion\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2014-04-05T19:18:00+00:00\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Guest Contributor\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Guest Contributor\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"3 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/rhetoricraceandreligion\/2014\/04\/love-and-limits.html\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/rhetoricraceandreligion\/2014\/04\/love-and-limits.html\",\"name\":\"Love and Limits\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/rhetoricraceandreligion\/#website\"},\"datePublished\":\"2014-04-05T19:18:00+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2014-04-05T19:18:00+00:00\",\"author\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/rhetoricraceandreligion\/#\/schema\/person\/2869b699bf0e57982cb1f212243705f2\"},\"description\":\"by Peter GathjeR3 ContributorHospitality isn\u2019t all sweetness and light.  Mark came in for a shower at Manna House today.  But he was\",\"breadcrumb\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/rhetoricraceandreligion\/2014\/04\/love-and-limits.html#breadcrumb\"},\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"ReadAction\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/rhetoricraceandreligion\/2014\/04\/love-and-limits.html\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"BreadcrumbList\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/rhetoricraceandreligion\/2014\/04\/love-and-limits.html#breadcrumb\",\"itemListElement\":[{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":1,\"name\":\"Home\",\"item\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/rhetoricraceandreligion\"},{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":2,\"name\":\"Love and Limits\"}]},{\"@type\":\"WebSite\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/rhetoricraceandreligion\/#website\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/rhetoricraceandreligion\/\",\"name\":\"Rhetoric Race and Religion\",\"description\":\"\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"SearchAction\",\"target\":{\"@type\":\"EntryPoint\",\"urlTemplate\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/rhetoricraceandreligion\/?s={search_term_string}\"},\"query-input\":\"required name=search_term_string\"}],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":\"Person\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/rhetoricraceandreligion\/#\/schema\/person\/2869b699bf0e57982cb1f212243705f2\",\"name\":\"Guest Contributor\",\"image\":{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/rhetoricraceandreligion\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/5010a3cc274cdb37811bf24de46dc280?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/5010a3cc274cdb37811bf24de46dc280?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"caption\":\"Guest Contributor\"},\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/rhetoricraceandreligion\/author\/admin\"}]}<\/script>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"Love and Limits","description":"by Peter GathjeR3 ContributorHospitality isn\u2019t all sweetness and light.  Mark came in for a shower at Manna House today.  But he was","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/rhetoricraceandreligion\/2014\/04\/love-and-limits.html","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"Love and Limits","og_description":"by Peter GathjeR3 ContributorHospitality isn\u2019t all sweetness and light.  Mark came in for a shower at Manna House today.  But he was","og_url":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/rhetoricraceandreligion\/2014\/04\/love-and-limits.html","og_site_name":"Rhetoric Race and Religion","article_published_time":"2014-04-05T19:18:00+00:00","author":"Guest Contributor","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","twitter_misc":{"Written by":"Guest Contributor","Est. reading time":"3 minutes"},"schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/rhetoricraceandreligion\/2014\/04\/love-and-limits.html","url":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/rhetoricraceandreligion\/2014\/04\/love-and-limits.html","name":"Love and Limits","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/rhetoricraceandreligion\/#website"},"datePublished":"2014-04-05T19:18:00+00:00","dateModified":"2014-04-05T19:18:00+00:00","author":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/rhetoricraceandreligion\/#\/schema\/person\/2869b699bf0e57982cb1f212243705f2"},"description":"by Peter GathjeR3 ContributorHospitality isn\u2019t all sweetness and light.  Mark came in for a shower at Manna House today.  But he was","breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/rhetoricraceandreligion\/2014\/04\/love-and-limits.html#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/rhetoricraceandreligion\/2014\/04\/love-and-limits.html"]}]},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/rhetoricraceandreligion\/2014\/04\/love-and-limits.html#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/rhetoricraceandreligion"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"Love and Limits"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/rhetoricraceandreligion\/#website","url":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/rhetoricraceandreligion\/","name":"Rhetoric Race and Religion","description":"","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/rhetoricraceandreligion\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":"required name=search_term_string"}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/rhetoricraceandreligion\/#\/schema\/person\/2869b699bf0e57982cb1f212243705f2","name":"Guest Contributor","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/rhetoricraceandreligion\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/","url":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/5010a3cc274cdb37811bf24de46dc280?s=96&d=mm&r=g","contentUrl":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/5010a3cc274cdb37811bf24de46dc280?s=96&d=mm&r=g","caption":"Guest Contributor"},"url":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/rhetoricraceandreligion\/author\/admin"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/rhetoricraceandreligion\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/786","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/rhetoricraceandreligion\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/rhetoricraceandreligion\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/rhetoricraceandreligion\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/rhetoricraceandreligion\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=786"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/rhetoricraceandreligion\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/786\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/rhetoricraceandreligion\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=786"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/rhetoricraceandreligion\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=786"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/rhetoricraceandreligion\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=786"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}