{"id":2112,"date":"2012-05-23T09:19:30","date_gmt":"2012-05-23T16:19:30","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/richarddahlstrom\/?p=2112"},"modified":"2012-05-23T09:38:29","modified_gmt":"2012-05-23T16:38:29","slug":"focus-on-the-dysfunctional-family","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/richarddahlstrom\/2012\/05\/23\/focus-on-the-dysfunctional-family\/","title":{"rendered":"Focus on the Dysfunctional Family"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>

I love my friend, Larry Shallenberger\u2019s paragraph in this post<\/a>, about the danger of \u201cChristian Church Culture\u201d.\u00a0 He likens God\u2019s transforming process to that of a mechanic restoring an old motorcycle, believing that the old rusted bike has its best years ahead of it.\u00a0 We religious people, meanwhile, tend to handle each other like airport luggage handlers. This leads to the false belief that its better to lower our heads and fit in<\/em>.<\/p>\n

Lower our heads and fit in.<\/em><\/strong> Covertly demand that, as a precondition for fellowship, outsiders think the way you think (or at least pretend to think the way you pretend to think), about all things, as a precondition for finding your place at the table.\u00a0 And of course, there\u2019s behavior too, and at our worst, clothes \u2013 all covertly held up as preconditions for belonging\u00a0 This, I think, is what Larry means by \u201clower your heads and fit in\u201d.<\/p>\n

The trouble with this, if I can switch analogies, is that this kind of Christianity feels more like an audition on American idol, or for a sports team, than an invitation to \u201ccome as you are\u201d.\u00a0 If you don\u2019t have the moral cache, on the front end, to fit in, you\u2019re stuffed.\u00a0 As a result, many people learn to play the church game, creating a sort of Sunday \u201cgame face\u201d that might be far, far from reality.\u00a0 \u201cLower your head and fit in\u201d.<\/p>\n

I can\u2019t begin to articulate how damaging this culture is.\u00a0 It\u2019s a petri dish for hypocrisy, and hence one of the major reasons the church is failing to reach young generations according to this research<\/a>.\u00a0 It mangles the gospel, making it less about good news, and more about fear, control, and conformity.\u00a0 As I wrote in my first book, \u201cevery Sunday in America, people will walk out of a worship service never to return\u201d for these exact reasons.\u00a0 I don\u2019t blame them for leaving, if all I\u2019m part of is a performance modification program.<\/p>\n

THE GOOD NEWS <\/strong>(the gospel) is wholly other than this.<\/p>\n

After all, we serve the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob.\u00a0 That\u2019s how God refers to Himself.\u00a0 It\u2019s God\u2019s way of saying, \u201cI\u2019m for these three guys.\u00a0 They\u2019re in my family.\u00a0 I identify with them.\u00a0 I love them. I\u2019ll stay with them every step of their transformative journey\u201d\u00a0 And\u2026\u00a0 just off the top of my head, here are some bits of their lives, AFTER they said yes to God:<\/p>\n

1. one lies about the identity of his wife, handing her off as his sister to a king in order to save his own skin.<\/p>\n

2. the same one sleeps with the maid because his wife, tired of waiting for God to miraculously get her old womb impregnated with his old seed, asks him to do so.<\/p>\n

3. one exudes unabashed favoritism to one of his twin sons, going to great efforts to thwart God\u2019s plan to choose and bless the other son.<\/p>\n

4. one of the twins lies, cheats, and steals in an attempt to secure blessing and affirmation from his father.<\/p>\n

5. one them, on the run, and in fear of his life, settles in a land where he marries four women and father\u2019s 12 sons.<\/p>\n

6. those twelve sons will, over the course of their days, display themselves to be jealous, petty, vengeful, thieves, murderers, liars, proud, hard-hearted, and violent, even towards their own family members.\u00a0 They\u2019ll sell one brother as a slave.\u00a0 One of them will sleep with his daughter-in-law, thinking her to be a prostitute, and impregnate her.\u00a0 Oh, and they\u2019ll become known by this title: \u201cThe Patriarchs\u201d.<\/p>\n

Let\u2019s put it this way.\u00a0 None of them would be welcome in church, or invited to do marriage seminars, or speak for Focus on the Family, especially when I remind you that all these things occurred after<\/em><\/strong> they\u2019d said yes to God.<\/p>\n

Somehow, though, God still found room for them, stayed with them, loved them, and walked with them relentlessly, shepherding them towards a transformation that would better represent God\u2019s heart.\u00a0 I wish we, who are the church, would take a cue from God on this.<\/p>\n

Oh, and that daughter-in-law with whom Judah (one of the twelve dysfunctional sons) slept?\u00a0 Her name is Tamar, and she fathered Perez out of that union.\u00a0 She nearly lost him, because when Judah\u2019s servant tells him that (the Message translation)\u2026 \u201cyour daughter-in-law has been playing the whore \u2013 and now she\u2019s a pregnant whore\u201d<\/em>, Judah get\u2019s all self-righteous and calls for her execution.\u00a0 When she reveals, though, who the father is, he changes his mind, and Perez is born.\u00a0 He becomes the patriarch in the line of David, who establishes the kingly line through whom Christ comes.<\/p>\n

And we think people need to clean up their act before coming to Christ? <\/em><\/strong> It should be enough that they want to know God and follow Him.\u00a0 How about giving God a little room to work, on both others and ourselves?\u00a0 How about ending the game of pretend and acknowledging that none of us, None. Of. Us\u2026 have arrived yet, that we all have issues under our issues, things to be transformed that we can\u2019t even yet see.\u00a0 That would make the church a little more humble, and a little more patient with flaws, and a lot more like Jesus.<\/p>\n

I welcome your thoughts.<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I love my friend, Larry Shallenberger\u2019s paragraph in this post, about the danger of \u201cChristian Church Culture\u201d.\u00a0 He likens God\u2019s transforming process to that of a mechanic restoring an old motorcycle, believing that the old rusted bike has its best years ahead of it.\u00a0 We religious people, meanwhile, tend to handle each other like airport […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":84,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[56,32,35,40,47,48],"class_list":["post-2112","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-church","tag-discernment","tag-ethics","tag-family","tag-marriage","tag-sexuality","tag-signs-of-grace"],"yoast_head":"\nFocus on the Dysfunctional Family<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"I love my friend, Larry Shallenberger's paragraph in this post, about the danger of "Christian Church 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