{"id":2807,"date":"2013-07-01T06:47:17","date_gmt":"2013-07-01T13:47:17","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/richarddahlstrom\/?p=2807"},"modified":"2013-07-01T07:03:26","modified_gmt":"2013-07-01T14:03:26","slug":"unfriending-someone-you-know-too-well-a-key-to-freedom","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/richarddahlstrom\/2013\/07\/01\/unfriending-someone-you-know-too-well-a-key-to-freedom\/","title":{"rendered":"I’m unfriending someone you know too well… and you should too"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>

You know her because she shows up in your life precisely when you can\u2019t handle her presence.\u00a0 You\u2019re tired, vulnerable, have experienced some sort of failure or frustration and there she is; at the door, wanting to come in.\u00a0 She\u2019s friendly enough, for certain, and usually flattering too.\u00a0 \u201cPoor you\u201d she says, as she then begins her pontifications about how you deserve better, how unjustly you\u2019re treated, how unappreciated you are.\u00a0 Your heart stirs in response.<\/p>\n

\u201cYes\u201d you think to yourself \u201cI do<\/em> deserve better.\u00a0 My kids don\u2019t appreciate me\u2026\u201d\u00a0 Or your boss, or employees, or spouse, or whoever it happens to be on that day when the perfect cocktail of physical weariness, spiritual neglect, and some real or perceived slight conspire to create in you the sense that you\u2019re on the bottom of everything.\u00a0 She\u2019s dressed in clothes that look like empathy and compassion, and for this reason it\u2019s easy to welcome her every time.<\/p>\n

Don\u2019t.\u00a0 Her clothes are forgeries, disguised as love, but actually carrying the label self-pity.\u00a0 Accept and receive these from her and you\u2019ll be ready to take a journey into the land where your unique weakness will shine.\u00a0 You\u2019re just a few steps away from giving in to bitterness, or cynicism, or lust, or overeating, or over shopping, or rage \u2013 whatever it is that brings you an immediate sense of satisfaction at the cost of your ongoing transformation into the image of Christ.<\/p>\n

Now you feel good.<\/p>\n

Now you feel comforted.<\/p>\n

Now you don\u2019t look as much like Jesus.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s that last one, of course, that\u2019s the problem, because in the end the point of our daily grind isn\u2019t to climb a professional ladder of upward mobility.\u00a0 Neither is it the point that we be loved and adored by lots of fans or friends.\u00a0 The point of it all, in fact the only point of it all, is that we end up looking more and more like Jesus.\u00a0 This is what Paul said here<\/a>.\u00a0 This is what Jesus meant when he told us to let our light shine. And this is the one thing that our friend who comes knocking when we\u2019re down and weary is intent on destroying in us.\u00a0 She\u2019ll use every trick in the book to make sure that in the end we subscribe to her advice and when we do, only thing we can be sure of is that we\u2019ll look less like Jesus than we did before she came knocking.<\/p>\n

That\u2019s why we need to unfriend her \u2013 today.\u00a0 I know she\u2019s your friend too, or has been, at least.<\/p>\n

Her name?\u00a0 Bes.\u00a0\u00a0 Bes Etting.\u00a0<\/strong><\/em>\u00a0 She sounds harmless enough until you remember her full name:<\/p>\n

Bes Etting Sin<\/em><\/strong> \u2013 Besetting Sin<\/a>.\u00a0\u00a0 Knowing about her and her ways will help us identify her and kindly show her the way out when she comes knocking:<\/p>\n

1. She looks different in each of us<\/strong>.\u00a0 All of us who\u2019ve been sick with the flu can identify with the truth that the symptoms will show up differently in each of us because each of us have different weakness.\u00a0 Headaches, joint pain, lung congestion: the symptoms vary from person to person because, according to some doctors, the virus finds the weakest link.<\/p>\n

We all have a default sin too, it seems, a place we\u2019re tempted to go when we\u2019re at our most vulnerable in order to self-medicate, or escape, or self-vindicate.\u00a0 For one it\u2019s anger and fighting back at someone, something, anything, in order to gain a sense of being in the right.\u00a0 For another its purse cynicism as, convinced that we know the way things really are, we adopt a posture that all who around us are so unenlightened that its hopeless.\u00a0 With our wry smiles, we disengage but stay toxically present in the midst of the situation.\u00a0 Others withdraw into a world of personal pleasure.\u00a0 A pint of Ben and Jerry\u2019s, Three Pints of Pale Ale, a shot of porn, a few hundred bucks of meaningless shopping.\u00a0 Pick your pleasure \u2013 whatever it is her name is Bes.<\/p>\n

We\u2019d be wise to identify the clothes Bes wears, uniquely, to seduce each of us.<\/p>\n

2. She knows when to visit.<\/strong>\u00a0 There are, in all of us, trigger points of vulnerability in our lives and its right there at those points that Bes comes knocking.\u00a0 Physical weariness (including jet lag) is one of those points.\u00a0 Chronically feeling under-appreciated is another.\u00a0 Overwork is a third.\u00a0 And there are more.\u00a0 We\u2019re wise, of course, to try and prevent ourselves from every getting into such situations, but that\u2019s not always possible.\u00a0 So we\u2019ll also be wise to recognize that, when we\u2019re vulnerable, she\u2019ll be visiting.\u00a0 For me it\u2019s weariness and feeling unappreciated that bring her to my door.\u00a0 Know that I know that, though, its easier to recognize her for who she is and simply not answer, reminding her that I unfreinded her and that she\u2019s no longer welcome here.<\/p>\n

3. She won\u2019t stay when you acknowledge Jesus\u2019 presence in the room.<\/strong>\u00a0 You know how it is.\u00a0 Sometimes when you want someone to NOT attend the party you\u2019re throwing, you simply invite someone else.\u00a0 Invite Christ and Bes might do a drive by, shouting a little sarcasm your way, but show won\u2019t make herself at home with you.\u00a0 That\u2019s one reason why coffee with God<\/a> in the mornings is valuable.\u00a0 The habit helps make Jesus the guest of honor at the party that is every day of our lives.<\/p>\n

Identifying Bes for who she is, unfriending her, and making sure Jesus is always welcome will surely help each of us get on with the main calling of our lives, which is to look like Jesus.<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

You know her because she shows up in your life precisely when you can\u2019t handle her presence.\u00a0 You\u2019re tired, vulnerable, have experienced some sort of failure or frustration and there she is; at the door, wanting to come in.\u00a0 She\u2019s friendly enough, for certain, and usually flattering too.\u00a0 \u201cPoor you\u201d she says, as she then […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":84,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2807","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"yoast_head":"\nI'm unfriending someone you know too well... and you should too<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"You know her because she shows up in your life precisely when you can't handle her presence.\u00a0 You're tired, vulnerable, have experienced some sort of\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" 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