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<\/a><\/p>\nA couple years ago I purchased a volume of essays and sermons by one of my favorite 19th<\/sup> century Christian theologians\u2014Horace Bushnell. (I have written about him here before.) The volume is well over a century old but in good condition. One of the sermons in the book is titled \u201cWhat Do We Owe the Dead?\u201d It was preached at the dedication of a Civil War memorial and cemetery. My interest here is not to repeat or even express Bushnell\u2019s own thoughts except to say I agree with him that the answer is \u201cmuch.\u201d<\/p>\n My own interest in this question arises partly from my childhood. My mother died when I was two years old and my father remarried two years later. So I was raised by a stepmother. In midlife I made a point of asking my aunts and uncles (my birth mother\u2019s siblings) about her death, my life after her death and other related matters. My earliest memory is of the day she died, but I did not know what happened\u2014just that people around me were distraught. I was never told she died and was not taken to her funeral. I figured it out sometime in childhood by the fact that we visited her grave and \u201cdecorated it\u201d once annually on Memorial Day. (In the part of the U.S. where I grew up Memorial Day is dedicated to decorating the graves of relatives; it is not focused solely on military veterans as elsewhere in the U.S.) But nobody would talk to me about her. When I asked about my mother the answer was always the same, from everyone, and seemed rehearsed: \u201cYou have a new mother now.\u201d I knew virtually nothing about my mother when I was growing up. There were no pictures of her in our home and nobody would talk about her. Later, as I said, I made a point of dragging information out of my relatives. (My father never would talk about her. My stepmother helped me with my research.)<\/p>\n As an adult, especially, I have always had the subjective feeling that we owe the dead remembrance<\/em>\u2014not reverence. I know there are cultures in the world that reverence the dead, especially ancestors, but I do not share that view or practice. But I have never been able to shake the inner conviction that the dead deserve<\/em> to be remembered<\/em>. Of course, there are exceptions, but I won\u2019t go into that. I\u2019m talking here about most of the dead<\/em>.<\/p>\n But is this subjective feeling more than that? Do we have an ethical responsibility, duty, to remember the dead? I say yes, especially insofar as we want to be remembered after we die.<\/p>\n *Sidebar: The opinions expressed here are my own (or those of the guest writer); I do not speak for any other person, group or organization; nor do I imply that the opinions expressed here reflect those of any other person, group or organization unless I say so specifically. Before commenting read the entire post and the \u201cNote to commenters\u201d at its end.*<\/em><\/p>\n American culture has a profound aversion to death. That\u2019s not true, of course, with regard to some television shows and movies, but it certainly is true with regard to avoiding the subject of death and seeing the dead, etc. I have taught youngish students for many years and occasionally I ask them how many funerals they\u2019ve been to and how many times they\u2019ve seen a dead human body (even embalmed and lying in a casket). Most of them in their 20s say \u201cnever.\u201d And if we do see one, we see it made up to look like the person is sleeping peacefully in a bed (inside a casket). And cremation has become very popular in America. (I occasionally drive by a storefront in a strip mall with a sign over the door that says \u201cCompassionate Cremations.\u201d I always wonder what that means.) When people are cremated there is often no permanent, fixed memorial for them anywhere\u2014as (usually) when they are buried in a cemetery plot. (I totally understand the questionable ethics of using up good and often fertile soil for this purpose and would prefer not to discuss that here. That\u2019s for another blog post.)<\/p>\n I know a man who will not visit his parents\u2019 graves, even on Memorial Day. When I asked him why and even suggested I go with him (because his parents are close relatives of mine) he said \u201cWhat good would that do?\u201d<\/p>\n That\u2019s a very good question. But my response to him was \u201cDon\u2019t you want to be remembered by your children after you die? Don\u2019t you hope they will visit your grave occasionally and keep your memory alive?\u201d (He won\u2019t even talk about his parents and prefers to forget them and all the dead.) He didn\u2019t respond. At least I could tell he was thinking it over. Eventually he did go with me to visit and decorate his parents\u2019 graves.<\/p>\n Jesus\u2019s so-called \u201cGolden Rule\u201d was that we should do unto others even as we would want them to do to us. Does that include the dead?<\/p>\n But even aside from Jesus\u2019s teaching, I would ask a non-Christian, even an atheist, whether it is consistent and ethical to forget or not honor the memories of the dead\u2014insofar as he or she hopes to be remembered and honored after passing away (our American euphemism for death).<\/p>\n Of course we can\u2019t possibly remember and honor the memories of all the dead. So I am talking here especially about the deceased who in some way sacrificed something for us\u2014even if only by giving us life, contributing to our lives in some positive way, making a positive difference in our lives.<\/p>\n People used to say I was morbid because I liked to visit cemeteries\u2014especially ones where people who sacrificed something for me (however indirectly) or who gave something into my life from which I benefited.<\/p>\n I\u2019ll just give one example here. Many years ago I moved to a new city. Before I moved here I discovered that one of my father\u2019s favorite Christian recording artists died here and is buried in a cemetery just outside the city. I remember that recording artists\u2019 voice; several of his albums were in my parents\u2019 collection at home and my father occasionally played one or another on our home stereo. I also heard his voice on Christian radio\u2014even as late as the 1990s before moving here. (His \u201cheyday\u201d was the 1960s and he died in that decade.) So soon after moving here I drove out to that cemetery and asked to see his grave. The woman in the office showed me where it is. There was no headstone or other marker with his name on it. To make a long story short, I began a public campaign to raise money for his headstone. (Or actually in that cemetery they are not \u201cheadstones\u201d as such but metal plaques lying flat on the ground over each grave.) Eventually people who knew him contributed enough money to the cemetery for this fund I set up with them that they could have a plaque made for him and place it over his grave. His widow (who never remarried) and son and daughter came from some distance for the dedication which was attended by relatives and friends and even one \u201creligion reporter\u201d who wrote a story about it in the local newspaper.<\/p>\n Why did I do that? Why did I go to all that trouble? I\u2019m not asking for praise and I don\u2019t claim to deserve any. I never did find out why the recording artist who was quite famous in the 1950s and 1960s had no grave marker. All I cared about is that now he did and that seemed to please his widow and adult children and elderly friends.<\/p>\n Why did I do that? Because I felt it was the right thing to do. I never met the man. But very indirectly he gave something positive into my life through my father\u2019s love for his music. And I simply felt that this was what I would want done for me. (Although I plan to be cremated so instead of a grave marker some plaque of remembrance placed somewhere would well suffice.)<\/p>\n (As an aside\u2026 I \u201cinherited\u201d some of my parents\u2019 record albums and before the dedication went through them and found one with the recording artist\u2019s picture on the front with his then teenage son. I too it with me to the dedication. During the time of informal conversation before or after the formal dedication service I asked the now adult son if he owned all of his father\u2019s record albums. He said \u201cI don\u2019t own any of them.\u201d I showed him the album with his picture with his father on the cover. He began to cry and told me exactly where that picture was taken\u2014in a park in the city where they lived and where I now live. I gave him the album and he was extremely thankful. To this day I do not know why the recording artist\u2019s family owned none of his albums. Even his widow did not own any. There\u2019s some deep, possibly dark secret there\u2014I suspect\u2014but I am not interested in it. They truly appreciated everything I did and I felt it was the right thing to do.)<\/p>\n I\u2019m not telling this story to make myself seem heroic in any way. I only did what should have been done by someone else before I did it. (The recording artist\u2019s publishing company that made his records and sold them used to have its headquarters in this city. Why did none of them provide a grave marker for him? It\u2019s all still a mystery to me.)<\/p>\n What do we owe the dead? Insofar as we want to be remembered and honored by our loved ones and by people whose lives we influenced in some positive way we owe at least some of them remembrance and honor in some way\u2014even after the funeral is over. And I believe we owe their non-cremated bodies respect. For example, dead bodies should not be shown on television without good reason. \u201cDo unto the dead as you would have the living do unto you when you are dead\u201d is a good principle too often neglected\u2014especially by the visual media anxious to boost ratings by appealing to morbid curiosity.<\/p>\n *Note to commenters:<\/em> This blog is not a discussion board; please respond with a question or comment only to me. If you do not share my evangelical Christian perspective (very broadly defined), feel free to ask a question for clarification, but know that this is not a space for debating incommensurate perspectives\/worldviews. In any case, know that there is no guarantee that your question or comment will be posted by the moderator or answered by the writer. If you hope for your question or comment to appear here and be answered or responded to, make sure it is civil, respectful, and \u201con topic.\u201d Do not comment if you have not read the entire post and do not misrepresent what it says. Keep any comment (including questions) to minimal length; do not post essays, sermons or testimonies here. Do not post links to internet sites here. This is a space for expressions of the blogger\u2019s (or guest writers\u2019) opinions and constructive dialogue among evangelical Christians (very broadly defined).<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" What Do We Owe the Dead? A Question of Ethics A couple years ago I purchased a volume of essays and sermons by one of my favorite 19th century Christian theologians\u2014Horace Bushnell. (I have written about him here before.) The volume is well over a century old but in good condition. One of the sermons […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":58,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-5884","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"yoast_head":"\n