![\"a](\"https:\/\/wp-media.patheos.com\/blogs\/sites\/541\/2020\/09\/a-hat-for-jen-hatmaker.jpg\")
<\/a>(A few previous posts about evangelicals\u2019 hypocrisy about marriage: As I Lay Dying (To Myself)<\/span><\/a>; The Things I Wish I\u2019d Known<\/span><\/a>; It\u2019s My House Too<\/span><\/a>; The Terrible Bargain<\/span><\/a>; The Great Husband Hunt<\/span><\/a>; Sacrifice of the Marriage Lamb<\/span><\/a>; The Kodak Marriage<\/span><\/a>. Also, when I talk about tribalism, I\u2019m using the term in its sociological sense. A group becomes a \u201ctribe\u201d when it defines itself as morally superior to other groups, demonizes outsiders, and enforces a party line.)<\/em><\/p>\n For those who haven\u2019t tangled much with the Christ-o-Sphere, Jen Hatmaker is one of those quirky, sweet, middle-aged Christian gals who\u2019s made a living catering to like-minded Christian women. (We covered her a few years ago here<\/span><\/a>.) The women who adore her tend to be evangelical mothers who like big hats, boho fashion, and phrases like a beautiful mess<\/i>.\u00a0Jen Hatmaker writes well-received books, has appeared on at least one TV show, and does a lot of public speaking engagements.<\/p>\n In essence, she and her fans are less-authoritarian evangelicals.<\/p>\n For a while, more authoritarian evangelicals barely and grudgingly\u00a0tolerated the chaos and dissension she introduced into their tribe. But in 2016, she walked away from the anti-LGBT culture war<\/span><\/a>. Perhaps even worse,\u00a0she condemned Donald Trump<\/em> as \u201cthoroughly unfit for the presidency.\u201d<\/p>\n In response to this defection, the \u201cChristian love\u201d flowed.<\/p>\n Immediately, the rest of the tribe declared her\u00a0persona non grata<\/em> forever. (LifeWay Christian Resources even pulled her books<\/span><\/a> from their shelves. That\u2019s like Madagascar closing its ports<\/span><\/a> in Pandemic 2<\/em><\/span><\/a>.) And ever since then, they\u2019ve missed not one single opportunity to show their true hateful<\/span><\/a>, exclusionary, bigoted colors at her expense.<\/p>\n Well, a few days ago, we learned that\u00a0Jen Hatmaker had filed for a divorce<\/span><\/a>\u00a0from her husband Brandon. Hatmaker\u2019s announcement sounds like it came very suddenly and amid a great deal of pain and emotional shock.<\/p>\n So naturally, those more-authoritarian evangelicals have been having a field day at her expense.<\/strong><\/p>\n In response, Jen Hatmaker\u2019s fans enfolded her in love on Instagram<\/span><\/a>. Perhaps she\u2019s scrubbing her comments, but I saw not one single response to her announcement that even sank to the level of\u00a0tepid<\/em>. There, people had only good things to say to her, only encouragement, kindness, and comfort, all expressed with great respect for her privacy.<\/p>\n That was good to see. I\u2019m sure Jen Hatmaker appreciates it all, even if she hasn\u2019t read every one of the 10k+ comments there so far.<\/p>\n But none of that grace is good enough for the self-appointed TRUE CHRISTIAN\u2122 ambassadors of the supposed Lord of Love and Prince of Peace. They swung into action immediately to slam and condemn her. Even by the Bizarro-world redefinition<\/span><\/a> of \u201clove\u201d they adopted long ago to excuse their behavior, their reaction has been disgusting and repulsive.<\/p>\n I guess I\u2019m still a sweet summer child at heart. It\u2019s just grotesque to see how little compassion they really have. They\u2019re using her personal tragedy as some kind of drill-down teaching moment to reinforce their very worst tribal impulses.<\/p>\n Religion News\u00a0<\/em>doesn\u2019t see a whole lot of comments. But I did catch this pair busily judging and condemning her\u00a0on that site\u2019s writeup of the story<\/span><\/a>:<\/p>\n MrsPGL:<\/strong> fraud<\/p>\n J_J:<\/strong>\u00a0She dropped any pretensions of being Christian four years ago with \u201cher support of same-sex marriage\u201d.<\/p>\n I expect as soon as the divorce is final she\u2019ll drop the other shoe and really let us know where she stands.<\/p>\n [Image link<\/a>]<\/p><\/blockquote>\n What does this even mean?<\/em>\u00a0Someone thinks she\u2019s gay, maybe?\u00a0Because I don\u2019t think Jen Hatmaker needed to wait to tell people \u201cwhere she stands\u201d on any issue. She\u2019d already been completely judged, condemned, and written off by evangelicalism\u2019s many mini-Jesuses<\/span><\/a>.<\/p>\n If it helps, I\u2019ve read that one of Jen Hatmaker\u2019s kids<\/span><\/a> is gay. She regrets ever taking part in the culture wars against LGBT people \u2014 and for initially half-assing her support of same-sex relationships. In response to Jen Hatmaker\u2019s incredible display of compassion, love, regret over wrongs done, and acceptance of her child, the mini-Jesuses got super-mad at her<\/span><\/a>. Yes. How dare\u00a0<\/em>Jen Hatmaker act so kindly toward her own child.<\/p>\n To toxic Christians<\/span><\/a>, \u201clove,\u201d means bigotry and cruelty. The tribe demands that parents show love by destroying their children. As even one Christian culture warrior notes<\/span><\/a>, often this \u201clove\u201d results in teens wanting to kill themselves. And to toxic Christians, that is 100% A-OK. Cruelty is the price these terrified sheep pay, eagerly and gladly, to reach the safety Heaven. Anything less makes another Christian into a \u201cfraud.\u201d<\/p>\n By this shall all men know that you are his disciples<\/span><\/a>. The sign of a TRUE CHRISTIAN\u2122 isn\u2019t real love, as Jesus thought<\/span><\/a>, but culture wars!<\/strong><\/p>\n Christian Post\u00a0<\/em>tends to be way livelier<\/span><\/a>. There, we find all kinds of TRUE CHRISTIANS\u2122 doing what they love best: judging and condemning others. While some comments manage to stick to reality and show compassion, a number of posters thought that Jen Hatmaker\u2019s defection from the culture wars had caused \u2014 or at least indicated the inevitability of \u2014 her divorce.<\/p>\n Here, \u201cDwight Lilly\u201d writes, in this now-deleted comment:<\/p>\n I will pray that both in the marriage repent their sins and pray to God for help sustaining their marriage sanctified by God. Support fornication between same sex partners and relationships divinely set aside for a man and woman is sin. Repent.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n He\u2019s accompanied by a great many others. Here are some I grabbed:<\/p>\n Thomas Henry writes:<\/p>\n Unfortunately, she is one of those lukewarm Christians that dont [sic] practice the words from the bible, and behaves more secular, so its [sic] no surprise her marriage was secular too and ended in the same fate that most secular marriages do,\u2026<\/p><\/blockquote>\n Ah yes. Here, we encounter a psychic who knows his enemy is\u00a0lukewarm<\/em>. (That\u2019s Christianese. It just means that someone\u2019s not as fervent as Judgey McJudgeyChristianPants thinks they should be. Often, these judges define fervor entirely by agreement with their doctrinal beliefs and compliance with their demands.)<\/p>\n And this wonderful prince of a guy, someone whose religion is both noble and admirable:<\/p>\n Michael Weeks writes:<\/p>\n So she supports homosexuality and divorce. What other sins does she think are OK and should be promoted?<\/p>\n Clearly you reap what you sow.<\/p>\n No-one should be remotely listening to what this woman has to say. The fruit of her promotion of sin appears evident. I pray she comes to understand that God\u2019s law, not immorality, are what are actually based on love.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n Gee, another psychic! Amazing, how Christians can belong to a religion that flat-out tells them how to treat other people, yet ignore those commands\u00a0while condemning their peers for failing to obey various commands<\/em>.<\/p>\n Just because it\u2019s funny to me, here\u2019s someone trying to gatekeep<\/span><\/a> the title of \u201cChristian\u201d itself:<\/p>\n Hugh Chamberlin writes:<\/p>\n how is this news? how is she a christian if she affirms an abomination? this is trash for some gossip show. satan has infiltrated and destroyed this family.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n All through their history, Christians have always squabbled about what being a TRUE CHRISTIAN\u2122 actually even involves. Isn\u2019t it just\u00a0soooo weeeeeeird?<\/em> Even when the Catholic Church tightly controlled the religion, people have always flown off into the weeds with their own homebrew ideas. They\u2019ve\u00a0never\u00a0<\/em>been able to agree even on exactly who and what Jesus Christ actually is.<\/p>\n Must be demons causing her divorce.\u00a0<\/em>Yes. \u201cSatan\u201d himself, even. Can\u2019t be that none of Hugh\u2019s religion is based on reality at all, so people can just warp it however they like.<\/p>\n To Jen Hatmaker\u2019s fans, of course, Hugh here is the one Jesus-ing all wrong, not them. More to the point, they have a lot of reasons for thinking so \u2014 just like he does about them<\/span><\/a>.<\/strong><\/p>\n I noticed many Christians who decided that Jen Hatmaker\u2019s divorce was actually a divine punishment. Yes, for\u00a0the high crime of affirming her gay child<\/em>. \u201cMichael Webman<\/span><\/a>\u201d takes it away from here in a comment that\u2019s gone now:<\/p>\n Jenn, our hearts go out to you your pain! But you have strayed. However, like for the prodigal there is a way home through repentance. God is waiting with open arms.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n It\u2019s a long comment (which is why I just linked to my screenshot of it above; I am so\u00a0<\/em>not typing out all that nonsense).\u00a0Mostly, Michael seeks to thump Jen Hatmaker\u2019s noggin. He hopes she\u2019ll maybe see his comment, and thus become\u00a0convicted.\u00a0<\/em>That\u2019s Christianese for Jesus-flavored shame.<\/p>\n After she sees his comment, of course, Jen Hatmaker will correct the great and grievous offense that she has totally absolutely for realsies committed against Michael\u2019s imaginary friend.<\/p>\n If divorce is really punishment for Jen Hatmaker\u2019s egregious defection from the culture wars, Michael\u2019s imaginary friend has exceptionally poor aim. Michael should fire him and find a better god. Cuz like, isn\u2019t it strange that this god causes so much pain to bystanders to teach his lessons? Why not do it in a way<\/span><\/a> that\u2019s easily understood and also only affects Jen Hatmaker herself?<\/p>\n Seriously, if this is punishment, then the Christian god is utterly incompetent.<\/strong><\/p>\n Almost all of the TRUE CHRISTIANS\u2122 commenting on the Jen Hatmaker divorce take for granted that divorce is a secular phenomenon, not something TRUE CHRISTIANS\u2122 ever face.<\/p>\n It\u2019s like they have no idea how often their own tribe divorces. Someone even tried to tell them that TRUE CHRISTIANS\u2122 divorce way more often than outsiders to their tribe, but got slapped down.\u00a0Thomas Henry even threw in a nice AKSHULLY here:<\/p>\n <\/a>Here\u2019s the link to the\u00a0Got Questions<\/em>\u00a0post<\/span><\/a>\u00a0that \u201cThomas Henry\u201d offered up as PROOF YES PROOF of his claim. (See endnotes<\/a>; I had a lot to say about this attempt to negate reality.)<\/p>\n By contrast, the study that Thomas Henry didn\u2019t like comes from Baylor University<\/span><\/a>, which has way stronger methodology. This study has the additional virtue of not having been produced in an effort to pander to Thomas Henry\u2019s hate-boner for tribal outsiders.<\/p>\n In Bizarro-World, love is hate, East is West, up is down, and TRUE CHRISTIANS\u2122 have always been at war with homosexuals and abortion. But in Reality-Land, we\u2019ve known for a long time that there is no positive difference<\/span><\/a> between TRUE CHRISTIANS\u2122 and those they despise.<\/strong><\/p>\n Something about these comments fascinated me.<\/p>\n Often, people write comments that sound like they fully expect their target to happen by that page and read them. In truth, I\u2019m not even sure really big-name Christians even read their own<\/em> social-media pages, much less venture out into \u201cforeign\u201d territory to see what total strangers think of their lives. Nonetheless, this sort of response is very common. People personalize their reactions and internalize stories like that all the time.<\/p>\n But in these cases, it\u2019s very hard not to see such responses as virtue-signaling. In virtue signaling, someone makes a statement or gesture for the sole benefit of their group: to show they\u2019re members of it in good standing, to show its superiority to other groups, and to condemn those who disagree with the group. Nothing will change as a result of the virtue-signaler\u2019s behavior \u2014 no new information gets created or shared, and it\u2019s hugely unlikely that they\u2019ll actually change any dissenting opinions.<\/p>\n Instead, these Christians are gatekeeping. They\u2019re trying to maintain a self-definition that exists only in their own minds: this huge and glaring difference between themselves and all their tribal enemies that does not actually exist (at least as they think it does). Divorce doesn\u2019t happen in their tribe. Their marriage rules work way better than anything\u00a0the outside world devises<\/em>.<\/p>\n Boy, it\u2019d super suck for them if it turned out that TRUE CHRISTIAN\u2122 marriage rules don\u2019t work at all, and that their divorce rates speak to that reality.<\/strong><\/p>\n David A.R. White, the founder of Pureflix and a mainstay of evangelical culture-war propaganda movies like\u00a0Second Glance<\/span><\/a>\u00a0<\/em>and\u00a0God\u2019s Not Dead<\/em><\/span><\/a>, just announced that he and his wife Logan are divorcing.<\/p>\n I seriously, seriously doubt that he\u2019s going to get the flack that Jen Hatmaker is.<\/p>\n So far,\u00a0the comments on\u00a0<\/span>Christian Post<\/span><\/em><\/a> center around how harrrrrrd it is to be a TRUE CHRISTIAN\u2122 entertainer and how he obviously was sinning secretly. Of course. But few are attacking him over any potentially-incorrect stances or questioning his membership in the tribe, only over exactly how hard they think he must have been Jesus-ing.<\/p>\n Yeah, just overall these Christians\u2019 reaction to this whole story with Jen Hatmaker tells me everything I need to know about them. No wonder they\u2019re in decline. Only fellow authoritarians would ever want to be part of this tribe. But oh boy, would they ever<\/em>.<\/strong><\/p>\n NEXT UP: Yay, another Christian has published a book about how to totally fix America through Jesus-ing harder. See you tomorrow!<\/strong><\/p>\n <\/a>Regarding that Got Questions link:<\/b> Hilariously,\u00a0Got Questions\u00a0doesn\u2019t even source any links to the \u201cquestion\u201d they\u2019re answering (and which they totally did not completely make up). I can only assume they don\u2019t want their flocks to see any real studies about the tribe\u2019s divorce rate. Instead, they only cite some old study from Barna as a refutation. They didn\u2019t even directly link to the Barna study. They then moved on to offer a quote about that old chestnut being wrong, the one about 50% of marriages failing, which is completely irrelevant to the actual question asked.<\/em><\/p>\n As for the Barna study itself, here it is<\/span><\/a>. Many times\u00a0I\u2019ve noted that Barna\u00a0conducts<\/span><\/a> what in my opinion is very shoddy research. That\u2019d be because Barna isn\u2019t trying to do real research. Their methodology reflects that fact. Instead, they exist to sell tribe-approved propaganda to culture-warring, authoritarian evangelicals.<\/em><\/p>\n For many years, Barna has employed a very quirky definition of \u201cevangelical.\u201d This definition allows them to sell more stuff to frantic pastors and culture warriors. In this case, Barna\u2019s product here reflects the tribe\u2019s certainty that their marriage rules work way better than they actually do<\/span><\/a>. But their redefinition is beyond meaningless in reality. (Back to the post<\/a>!)<\/em><\/p>\n Come join us on\u00a0Facebook<\/a><\/span>,\u00a0Tumblr<\/a><\/span>,\u00a0Pinterest<\/a><\/span>, and\u00a0Twitter<\/a><\/span>!(Also\u00a0Instagram<\/a>, where I mostly post cat pictures.)<\/em><\/p>\n Also please check out our Graceful Atheist podcast interview<\/a><\/span>!\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n If\u00a0you like what you see, I gratefully welcome your support. Please consider becoming one of my monthly patrons via\u00a0Patreon with Roll to Disbelieve<\/a><\/span>\u00a0for as little as $1\/month! My\u00a0PayPal is captain_cassidy@yahoo.com<\/a><\/span>\u00a0(that\u2019s an underscore in there) for one-time tips. <\/em><\/p>\nEveryone, (Re-)Meet Jen Hatmaker.<\/h2>\n
The Response of Decent People.<\/h2>\n
![\"jen](\"https:\/\/wp-media.patheos.com\/blogs\/sites\/541\/2020\/09\/jen-hatmaker-instagram-announcement-150x150.jpg\")
<\/a>1) \u201cFraud\u201d<\/h2>\n
2) THESE Guys Know Exactly<\/em> Why This Stranger\u2019s Marriage Ended!<\/h2>\n
![\"jen](\"https:\/\/wp-media.patheos.com\/blogs\/sites\/541\/2020\/09\/jen-hatmaker-hypocrisy-2-cp-punishment-for-sin.jpg\")
<\/a>![\"Jen](\"https:\/\/wp-media.patheos.com\/blogs\/sites\/541\/2020\/09\/jen-hatmaker-hypocrisy-7-more-reap-what-you-sow.jpg\")
<\/a>![\"jen](\"https:\/\/wp-media.patheos.com\/blogs\/sites\/541\/2020\/09\/jen-hatmaker-hypocrisy-5-reap-what-you-sow.jpg\")
<\/a>3) And the Gatekeepers.<\/h2>\n
![\"jen](\"https:\/\/wp-media.patheos.com\/blogs\/sites\/541\/2020\/09\/jen-hatmaker-hypocrisy-8-gatekeeping-the-title-of-christian-are-we-now.jpg\")
<\/a>4) Obviously, Divorce = Divine Punishment.<\/h2>\n
5) Divorce = Only a Secular Thing.<\/h2>\n
![\"jen](\"https:\/\/wp-media.patheos.com\/blogs\/sites\/541\/2020\/09\/jen-hatmaker-hypocrisy-9-got-questions-redefinitions-from-thomas-henry.jpg\")
<\/a>That Call Coming From Inside the House.<\/h2>\n
Speaking Of: David A.R. White.<\/h2>\n
\nEndnotes.<\/em><\/h3>\n
\nPlease Support What I Do!<\/em><\/h3>\n