{"id":4497,"date":"2013-05-28T14:48:49","date_gmt":"2013-05-28T19:48:49","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/sarahoverthemoon\/?p=4497"},"modified":"2013-05-28T14:48:49","modified_gmt":"2013-05-28T19:48:49","slug":"from-the-archives-feminism-and-abstinence","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/sarahoverthemoon\/2013\/05\/from-the-archives-feminism-and-abstinence\/","title":{"rendered":"From the Archives: Feminism and Abstinence"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>

This post was originally published on October 13, 2012<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

bell hooks states in her book\u00a0Feminist Theory, From Margin to Center:<\/em><\/p>\n

One aspect of sexual norms that many people find oppressive is the assumption that one \u201cshould\u201d be engaged in sexual activity. This \u201cshould\u201d is one expression of sexual coercion\u2026When\u2026emphasis is placed on ending sexual oppression\u2026it is possible to envision a society in which it is as much of an expression of sexual freedom to choose not to participate in sexual activity as it is to choose to participate.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Having grown up in what I\u2019ll call the \u201cpurity culture\u201d\u2013where we made pledges not to have sex, wore silver rings declaring our virginity, and read Joshua Harris more than we read the Bible itself\u2013this quote\u00a0intrigued\u00a0me. While I in no way support this mainstream, mostly evangelical \u201cpurity culture,\u201d and while I definitely didn\u2019t wait until marriage (and I\u2019m cool with that), hooks\u2019 quote made me wonder\u2026<\/p>\n

Is sexual liberation only for those who are having sex?<\/p>\n

The typical feminist stance on abstinence that I\u2019ve encountered has been a passive acceptance of it. Something along the lines of, \u201cOkay, if that\u2019s what you choose. It\u2019s your life.\u201d I\u2019ve even encountered feminists who were hostile toward the idea of abstinence, talking about abstinent people as if they are somehow sexually dysfunctional.<\/p>\n

I think we can do better than that. I think feminism can actually be empowering for individuals who choose not to have sex. And, I believe that when feminism empowers abstinent people, it empowers everyone. I believe that when feminism simply tolerates abstinent people, it undermines our own movement.<\/p>\n

Here are a few ways that I believe feminism can empower those who choose to stay abstinent, and, in turn, empower the rest of us:<\/p>\n

1. Feminism says that sex does not make you a man (or a woman):\u00a0<\/strong><\/h2>\n

According to traditional gender roles, having sex is what makes men out of boys. This idea of going on a sexual conquest and returning victorious is almost a rite of passage for men in our culture (sometimes this idea is also imposed on women).<\/p>\n

This idea devalues the personhood of both men and women. A feminist practice of abstinence would provide people \u00a0with one way to reject this idea of sex being the most important factor in establishing one\u2019s own sense of value. \u00a0A feminist practice of abstinence would delve from normal practices of abstinence in that it would also reject\u00a0the idea that marriage is the moment at which a man becomes a man<\/a>.<\/p>\n

A feminist practice of abstinence would be based in the idea that sex\u2013whether you\u2019ve had it or not\u2013does not define one\u2019s worth. By giving men the freedom to define their worth by means other than sexual conquest, it would also weaken the idea that \u201csexually conquering\u201d a woman is a positive aspect of masculinity. Hopefully that would lead to a world where sex is no longer viewed as conquest.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

2. Feminism says that you don\u2019t owe anyone your body:<\/h2>\n

As bell hooks stated in\u00a0Feminist Theory, From Margin to Center,\u00a0<\/em>\u201ccoercion remains a central motivation for participation in sexual activity\u201d for many teenagers. Girls, she states, \u201cdo it for the boy.\u201d Boys (as we\u2019ve already dicussed) \u201cdo it to prove to other boys that they are heterosexual and that they can exert masculine power over girls.\u201d<\/p>\n

Abstinence can be one way to fight society\u2019s attempts to coerce us into sex before we\u2019re ready. Being able to state \u201cI am not having sex right now (or ever) and that is OKAY\u201d can feel empowering.<\/p>\n

A feminist practice of abstinence would differ from mainstream practices of abstinence in that it would assert bodily autonomy rather than promoting the idea that one\u2019s body belongs to one\u2019s future spouse and, therefore, must be kept in pristine condition. It would reject any claim that women dressing immodestly gives men a right to look at them. It would reject the idea that, after marriage, one\u2019s spouse becomes the owner of one\u2019s body.<\/p>\n

A feminist practice of abstinence would reinforce the idea that, whether you have sex or not, your body is yours. No one has a right to it, no matter what you\u2019re wearing, who you\u2019re married to,\u00a0or how far \u00a0you\u2019ve already gone<\/a>. The right to say \u201cNo\u201d is always yours.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

3. Feminism affirms a person\u2019s right to make informed choices<\/h2>\n

Some people are abstinent because it\u2019s what\u2019s expected of them. They had abstinence-only education in high school, their parents and church required a pledge of abstinence from them, and\/or they were taught that God would punish them if they did not remain abstinent. This is not the kind of abstinence that a feminist practice of abstinence would support.<\/p>\n

However, some people know the facts about sex and choose to remain abstinent anyway. Maybe they do this because of personal religious beliefs. Maybe they do it to avoid pregnancy or STIs. Maybe they are waiting for the right person or are not interested in sex at this point in their lives. It doesn\u2019t matter what the reason is. Feminism affirms\u00a0informed\u00a0<\/em>choice. Therefore, feminism should be actively working to\u00a0inform,\u00a0<\/em>but never working to make a choice for someone.<\/p>\n

A feminist practice of abstinence would support sex-education so that people\u2019s choices are truly informed. It would condemn any efforts to coerce someone into abstinence. It would work to provide people with the protection or birth control needed to enjoy sex so that people who still choose to remain abstinence can truly call their choice informed.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

If you want to be abstinent, be abstinent! It\u2019s not a choice that is incompatible with feminism. In fact, it can be an empowering choice for some people. Just remember, just as others don\u2019t get to decide what you do with your body, you don\u2019t get to decide what others do with theirs. And, please, for the love of God, stop with\u00a0this stuff.\u00a0<\/a><\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

This post was originally published on October 13, 2012 bell hooks states in her book\u00a0Feminist Theory, From Margin to Center: One aspect of sexual norms that many people find oppressive is the assumption that one \u201cshould\u201d be engaged in sexual activity. This \u201cshould\u201d is one expression of sexual coercion\u2026When\u2026emphasis is placed on ending sexual oppression\u2026it […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1504,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-4497","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"yoast_head":"\nFrom the Archives: Feminism and Abstinence<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"This post was originally published on October 13, 2012 bell hooks states in her book\u00a0Feminist Theory, From Margin to Center: One aspect of sexual norms\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/sarahoverthemoon\/2013\/05\/from-the-archives-feminism-and-abstinence\/\" \/>\n<meta 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