{"id":5437,"date":"2014-07-10T02:39:31","date_gmt":"2014-07-10T07:39:31","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/sarahoverthemoon\/?p=5437"},"modified":"2014-07-10T02:39:31","modified_gmt":"2014-07-10T07:39:31","slug":"bitter-christianity-religion-healing","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/sarahoverthemoon\/2014\/07\/bitter-christianity-religion-healing\/","title":{"rendered":"Beautiful, Beautiful Bitterness"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>

The other morning, I came across a tweet from a self-identified \u201ctheobrogian,\u201d calling for ex-fundamentalist bloggers to \u201cstop making a career out of bitterness.\u201d<\/p>\n

The first thing I thought was, who the hell is hiring people to be bitter? Is that a skill I can list on my resume? That would be my dream job<\/em>!<\/p>\n

\"image\"<\/a>
Image via 9Gag
[Image of Grumpy Cat\u2013a brown and white cat with a grumpy looking face\u2013saying \u201cThe problem with some people is that they exist]<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

My second thought was that this is hardly original. I\u2019ve been called bitter more times than I can count. Even before I started a blog that focuses on calling out abuse in Christian church contexts, I was called bitter whenever I talked about surviving fundamentalism and abusive relationships.<\/p>\n

Bitter.<\/p>\n

What a word, huh?<\/p>\n

I am called bitter whenever I talk about my past, whenever I call out spiritual abuse that I see happening in the present. I am called bitter whenever I talk about anything negative: injustice, abuse, oppression, bullying. Even when I talk about situations that I have personally \u201cmoved on\u201d from, situations where I have forgiven those involved and more or less healed from the harm done, I am called bitter.<\/p>\n

If you have spent any amount of time speaking truth to power, you probably know exactly how this feels.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m sure some people mean well when they throw the word \u201cbitter\u201d around, but even then, their efforts are misguided. The \u201cYou\u2019re bitter\u201d assumes a lot of things about pain, trauma, disorientation, and healing that simply aren\u2019t realistic.<\/p>\n

Life is not one simplistic story, with one conflict that neatly resolves by the end. We are constantly going through orientation, disorientation, and reorientation [1], on many different levels.<\/p>\n

Healing is not a simple, chronological process.<\/strong>\u00a0Time doesn\u2019t heal all wounds, and just because wounds heal doesn\u2019t mean they won\u2019t reopen again. Even healed wounds can cause chronic pain and complications that never go away.<\/p>\n

You can\u2019t just wake up one morning and decide to never be bitter again. In fact, I\u2019m not convinced that a life completely absent of bitterness is something to strive for. We need <\/em>to constantly deconstruct the harmful teachings we receive from the oppressive world around us. And denying and repressing pain isn\u2019t always healthy.<\/p>\n

Not that those who tell us to stop being bitter even want us to be healthy.<\/p>\n

There are people in my life that I trust to tell me when I get to a point where my anger, my rage, my hatred cease to be productive and empowering, and begin to be destructive and self-devouring. These people don\u2019t\u00a0<\/em>tell me \u201cStop being bitter!\u201d These people ask me, \u201cHey, are you okay?\u201d\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

The people who tell me \u201cStop being bitter\u201d usually aren\u2019t concerned with my well-being like my trusted friends are.<\/p>\n

The people who tell me \u201cStop being bitter\u201d usually want to control me.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

They will call me bitter, like one might call another woman \u201ccrazy\u201d<\/a> or \u201cslutty\u201d or \u201ctoo emotional.\u201d They will call me bitter, whether I truly am or not, because it is a way to silence me and\u2014if the silencing doesn\u2019t work\u2014to discredit me.<\/p>\n

As you go through life, as you start to tell your story, as you start to speak against injustice, as you start to call out abusive power in the church, as you try to reach out to others who might share your pain, you will be called bitter.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

There are people who want you quiet, and they want you non-threatening. Some even want you to be alone, afraid, and hurting.<\/p>\n

They don\u2019t want you to dig out past hurts so you can move beyond them, because when you are whole, you are a threat. They don\u2019t want you to speak, because injustice feeds off of silence.<\/p>\n

They want you quiet, because words bring people together.<\/p>\n

Let them call you bitter.<\/p>\n

Because according to them, bitter is speaking. Bitter is surviving. Bitter is joining together with others to work for change. Bitter is facing our fears and refusing to turn our heads when abuse and injustice are happening.<\/p>\n

Bitter is a beautiful, beautiful thing.<\/p>\n

_____<\/p>\n

[1] The idea of life as an ongoing process of orientation\/disorientation\/reorientation taken from Walter Brueggemann\u2019s The Psalms and the Life of Faith, <\/em>pg. 8<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The other morning, I came across a tweet from a self-identified \u201ctheobrogian,\u201d calling for ex-fundamentalist bloggers to \u201cstop making a career out of bitterness.\u201d The first thing I thought was, who the hell is hiring people to be bitter? Is that a skill I can list on my resume? That would be my dream job! 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