{"id":1305,"date":"2018-08-17T02:00:20","date_gmt":"2018-08-17T08:00:20","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/admin.patheos.com\/blogs\/scatteringsunshine\/?p=1305"},"modified":"2018-08-14T13:31:15","modified_gmt":"2018-08-14T19:31:15","slug":"find-joy","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/scatteringsunshine\/2018\/08\/find-joy\/","title":{"rendered":"Find Joy"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>

In so many ways we are all connected. I was reminded of that this week when a sweet woman posted something on a FB group I belong to. She said that she was hurting as she saw a bumper sticker that read \u201cThe best Moms get promoted to Grandma.\u201d\u00a0 I have seen that phrase before and thought it was cute. But this woman had a different perspective. She lamented that her severely autistic child will likely never live an independent life.<\/strong> And that she would never get to be a grandma.<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

\"\"Now I am sure that woman is an excellent mother. And her lack of \u2018grandma\u2019 status is not from lack of excellence. Situations like hers tend to put you through a refining fire that turns you into pure gold. But her comment reminded me of all the thousand little ways special needs parents mourn. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

We mourn what we expected out of life for our child. We mourn as we witness the huge struggles our children must endure. And then there are the moments that we mourn the future that we know they may never have.<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

To all those who are suffering as you think about your child and what you are both missing, I have some advice. Take a deep breath. You aren\u2019t alone. Mourning is a normal and natural process, but you don\u2019t have to go through it alone.<\/strong> There are Facebook groups for parents, there are even in person support groups. Talk to someone about your feelings and your heartaches.<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

As I have been contemplating my feelings in preparation for this article, I found myself making an emotional journey<\/strong>. I started with wishing my child didn\u2019t have such trials. And then I was reminded of how much he has already overcome. He has come a long way! I remembered his gifts and how much joy he brings into my life and the lives of all those he knows. And I found myself at the end of this journey in a place of happiness and peace.<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

\"\"I don\u2019t know where life will take my son. I don\u2019t even know where life will take me. But that is part of the adventure. I\u2019ve had to adjust a lot over the years, but the adjustment has brought blessings every time.<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

So, to this sweet mother who is grieving being a grandma, I say let that feeling visit with you for a moment. Your feelings matter.<\/strong> But then let it go<\/strong>. Dwelling on what may never be isn\u2019t going to bring you the joy and peace that we all want in life. And it won\u2019t let you be the best mother you can be for your child.<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

And down the road you may find that your assumption is proven wrong<\/strong>. You may not be a biological grandmother. But you may get to be a surrogate grandmother in any number of capacities. Before I was a mother I got to teach a Sunday School class of 5-year-olds. And that brought me peace. I got to be a mother after many years of infertility. But those sweet kids filled that need for me for quite some time. And I have very fond memories.<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

We are here on earth to have joy. In 2 Nephi 24: 25<\/a> it says:<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

25. Adam\u00a0fell\u00a0that men might be; and men\u00a0are, that they might have\u00a0joy<\/strong>.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

\"\"God put us here on Earth to learn<\/strong>, and eventually return to live with Him again. Sometimes the lessons we face suck.<\/strong> Horribly. But we will always be returning to live with Him again. And in the scripture listed above, He reminds us why we are here. We are here to have joy.<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

That doesn\u2019t mean that trials are any easier. But it shows me that He didn\u2019t put me here and give me this life to watch me suffer. God\u00a0expects me to make the best of my circumstances and seek for the joy.<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

As I look for the best in situations, THAT is when my mind is brought back to all my blessings. That is when I see my child for all he can do, and all the great things he brings to the world. And I stop worrying about an uncertain future, because the future isn\u2019t a guarantee for anyone. All we have is here and now, and we need to seek joy. In doing so we will bless our families and all we interact with.<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

Dear reader, you are capable. I have confidence in you. You can find the good in your situation, and I pray you find joy.<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

In so many ways we are all connected. I was reminded of that this week when a sweet woman posted something on a FB group I belong to. She said that she was hurting as she saw a bumper sticker that read \u201cThe best Moms get promoted to Grandma.\u201d\u00a0 I have seen that phrase before […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3521,"featured_media":1325,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[4,10,8],"tags":[6,102,99],"class_list":["post-1305","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-about-life","category-autism","category-overcoming-trials","tag-autism","tag-grief","tag-support"],"yoast_head":"\nFind Joy<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Dwelling on what may never be isn\u2019t going to bring you the joy and peace that we all want in life. 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So I want to be a support to those parents who are trying to figure out their child, and how best to support them. My wonderful son stretches me and helps me grow every day. I love being his mother and the things that make him unique. In 2020, every autism service stopped. So I got trained to be an RBT (Low-level autism therapist) with BehaviorUniversity.com. It has made homeschooling and doing at-home ABA easier as I understand my son better. They have some courses for parents to help them understand autism better, and I highly recommend them if you are searching. We have been home-schooling off and on for 6 years now. And it's wonderful to see my son thriving. Education and background Although my degree is not in education, I do have degrees from BYU Idaho and Southern Utah University in public relations, interpersonal communication, and marketing. I was lucky enough to get to teach a couple of freshman classes at SUU as part of my senior project. I have the best memories of those times. And it showed me how much I love to teach. While at SUU I was on the debate team. I wasn\u2019t great, but I loved the team and the feeling of unity we had. As a member of the Lambda Delta Signa sorority, I spent a year as VP of my chapter. I served on Institute Council and in leadership with my choir. And I was a member of the Lambda Pi Eta honor society. Funny enough, I was nominated as SUU\u2019s personality of the year in my senior year because I was so involved When my son was small I was part of the PTA at bus school \u00a0I even served on the PTA board and taught art classes to the kids. \u00a0I also volunteered to help out in the cafeteria. And I was a \u2018recess duty\u2019 meaning I got to be outside as a responsible adult during recess I love to write and wrote for LDSblogs.com as Abby Christianson and as Patty Sampson for many years. I took over editing LDS Blogs when our beloved editor Terri Bittner passed away suddenly from brain cancer in 2017. Then in 2020, LDSblogs.com stopped publishing after the pandemic affected their funding. But they are still online and some great stories are there if you are interested. I'm a lifelong member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I've been married for 23 years, and a mother for 15 years. I love people and creating in any capacity I can. 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