When my husband and I eloped nearly 28 years ago, we had no idea what we were doing. But we were so distracted by the butterflies running amuck in our bellies that it didn\u2019t even matter.<\/p>\n
At 18 years old, we knew\u00a0everything,<\/i>\u00a0and though we\u2019d only dated for three weeks, for me, there was no doubt that he was\u00a0the one<\/i>.<\/p>\n I\u2019d like to tell you that once we tied the knot, every day was filled with joyful bliss, but I\u2019m sure you already know that was not the case. The truth is that love and marriage, and the search for happily-ever-afters, can seem pretty complex when it comes to people and emotions and real life. To complicate it further, we added children to the mix immediately.<\/p>\n Over the next couple years, like most marriages, we acquired bills, and sick days, jobs we sort of liked, and difficulty finding the \u201cus\u201d time that was so vital to rekindling that early flame. And by the two-year mark, we were on the fast track to that place that more than 50 percent of marriages end up: divorce.<\/p>\n I still loved him. He still loved me. But \u201cwe\u201d were somehow broken, and no talking, soothing or consoling could fix it. It got to a place where I actually packed up and went to my mother\u2019s. That night, my heart was fractured in a million tiny pieces and the physical aching is still tangible as I recall the feeling of utter hopelessness.<\/p>\n Where do you go when you\u2019ve got nowhere to go? I didn\u2019t want to be a divorced mother at 20. Most of all, I just wanted what I was so sure about in the beginning.<\/p>\n That\u2019s when I found a book that a friend had given us as a wedding gift with a simple note:<\/p>\n \u201cWhen it seems like it just won\u2019t work. Read this.\u201d I pulled it out and started reading and reading, line by line.<\/p>\n When I was done, I knew with certainty two things:<\/p>\n 1. Why my marriage was crumbling<\/p>\n 2. That I could absolutely fix it.<\/p>\n That book was by\u00a0L. Ron Hubbard\u00a0<\/a>and contained the simple\u00a0\u201csecrets\u201d to making a marriage work.<\/a><\/p>\n I applied the practical tools he laid out and within a week my marriage was not only back on track, it was squishy and yummy, and I was vindicated in the fact that he was still\u00a0the<\/i>\u00a0one.<\/p>\n Twenty-eight years later, four kids, two grandkids, we\u2019ve traveled all over the world, and we\u2019ve created a life where we actually get asked frequently, \u201cWhat\u2019s your secret?\u201d<\/p>\n Which brings me to the actual point of this post.<\/p>\n Our knowledge (and certainty) has given us the tools to help save at least four marriages that I can think of off the top of my head. These were friends who knew we were\u00a0Scientologists<\/a>, so it didn\u2019t surprise them when the tools we used were based on the works of L. Ron Hubbard, even though only some of them were Scientologists themselves.<\/p>\n But encountering strangers is a whole different matter. When they open up and tell me that the magic seems to have vanished, or it just feels forced, or they just seem to be co-existing together, or they don\u2019t say anything, but the wonder in their expression is clear when they ask us, \u201cWhat\u2019s your secret?\u201d<\/p>\n I always struggle with that a little.<\/p>\n I want to tell them, \u201cWell, there\u2019s\u00a0these tools in Scientology on how to fix a marriage<\/a>\u00a0(or any relationship really).\u201d<\/p>\n But there\u2019s this part of me that holds back, because what if they\u2019ve watched some stupid piece of\u00a0trash TV\u00a0<\/a>that gives them some wrong idea about my religion? Have I made enough of an impression that they will recognize it as false and biased, and see me for who I actually am? Will the conversation suddenly change to my needing to handle whatever false information they have about my religion? And if we\u2019re in a very public place, and time is pressed, these questions come up in my head all the more so.<\/p>\n I guess this really comes from having to manage the unanticipated snarkyness that we occasionally come across when a stranger discovers that we\u2019re Scientologists. After all, people don\u2019t typically introduce themselves and then declare their religious inclination. They usually get to know each other, and then perhaps it comes up in more meaningful discussion.<\/p>\n But when you have something practical that can help another, isn\u2019t it more humane to share it, even if there\u2019s a risk they may reject it or you or both? I think so.<\/p>\n I have a friend, Chris, who has been a Scientologist for many years. He was on a flight from Florida to L.A. and sat next to a guy with whom he hit it off immediately. They talked about work, life, marriage and more over the next several hours, and when they landed, they parted with a hearty handshake and the feeling of warmth at having made a new friend.<\/p>\n A year and a half or so later, Chris was walking through the lobby at the\u00a0Church of Scientology in Clearwater, Florida<\/a>, and saw his plane friend. Understandably, they were both overjoyed and\u00a0very<\/i>\u00a0surprised to find each other there. The plane friend said to Chris, \u201cWow! When did you get into Scientology?\u201d And Chris replied, \u201cOh, I\u2019ve been a Scientologist for over 20 years.\u201d The guy\u2019s face fell as he looked at Chris uncomprehendingly. \u201cBut you never mentioned it to me in all those hours that we talked. Why? Didn\u2019t you like me?\u201d The hurt was plain in his eyes as he explained, \u201cI only found out about Scientology eight months ago, and it has saved my life. I needed it\u00a0before<\/i>\u00a0that.\u201d To say that Chris was crushed is an understatement. Of course he wanted to tell him about\u00a0Scientology<\/a>, but he had that same \u201cwhat if\u2026<\/p>\n But he learned a valuable lesson that day, which is why he shared that story with me in the first place, even though it clearly made him uneasy to retell it.<\/p>\n I get it. The thing is that if you have something that can genuinely help another, it sometimes takes courage to share it, because there are people who will try to taint that offer of help. The trick is to help others anyway. The world needs more helpers, and quietly standing by while others suffer is not the answer.<\/p>\n This seems fitting:<\/p>\n \u201cThe purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well.<\/p>\n \u201dRalph Waldo Emerson<\/b><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Scientologist Siouxie Boshoff gives insight into the way media lies and TV trash made her think twice before telling people she\u2019s a Scientologist, and why she decided to do it anyway. Published courtesy of STAND, Scientologists Taking Action Against Discrimination, where it was appeared originally. When my husband and I eloped nearly 28 years ago, […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":219,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1382,1278,1374],"tags":[1485,3],"class_list":["post-4125","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-critics","category-media","category-stand","tag-media-lies","tag-scientology"],"yoast_head":"\n![\"\"](\"https:\/\/www.standleague.org\/FURL\/imagecache\/cropfit@w=710\/blob\/images\/articles\/2\/b\/2bfe6a74-2934-11e7-912e-00221930697d\/marriage.jpg\")
<\/figure>\n<\/div>\n![\"\"](\"https:\/\/www.standleague.org\/FURL\/imagecache\/cropfit@w=710\/blob\/images\/articles\/2\/b\/2bfe6a74-2934-11e7-912e-00221930697d\/girlf-friends.jpg\")
![\"\"](\"https:\/\/www.standleague.org\/FURL\/imagecache\/cropfit@w=447\/blob\/images\/articles\/2\/b\/2bfe6a74-2934-11e7-912e-00221930697d\/airplane-trip.jpg\")
<\/figure>\n<\/div>\n