{"id":3465,"date":"2016-02-02T09:40:26","date_gmt":"2016-02-02T14:40:26","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/admin.patheos.com\/blogs\/sermonsfromthemound\/?p=3465"},"modified":"2016-05-17T09:09:10","modified_gmt":"2016-05-17T13:09:10","slug":"if-you-have-a-racist-friend","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/sermonsfromthemound\/2016\/02\/if-you-have-a-racist-friend\/","title":{"rendered":"If You Have A Racist Friend"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>

So you have a racist, sexist, homophobic, white supremacist friend.\u00a0Your racist friend is perfectly affable to you, buys you beers, likes to chat about the football and whatever. But you are white and male and straight, so of course<\/em> he is nice to you. And he doesn\u2019t challenge your world-view, or your assumptions about how the world works, because both you and he are white, straight, and male.<\/p>\n

But you know what they say: a person who is nice to you, but not nice to the waiter, is not a nice person.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

One of your acquaintances, on the other hand, points out (on a fairly\u00a0regular basis) that Black Lives Matter, that there is racism and white supremacism rampant in your community. He (or she) makes you uncomfortable, because s\/he challenges your assumptions, and makes you aware that you might have straight\/white\/male privilege. You are unable to separate out his calls for social justice from\u00a0\u00a0other aspects of his personality that irritate you. Maybe he isn\u2019t actually irritating by any general standard, you just find him irritating because he makes you think about topics you would rather not think about.<\/p>\n

So what are you gonna do about it?<\/p>\n

Apparently one answer is to do a public character assassination on the anti-racist acquaintance, claiming that he is abrasive and difficult.<\/p>\n

In the feminist and anti-racist communities, this is called \u201ctone policing<\/a>\u201c. It is the assertion that people who demand<\/em> social justice (as opposed to asking for it politely) are automatically wrong for demanding<\/em> equality and inclusion. In the anti-racist community, it\u2019s also called \u201cbeing an apologist for racism\u201d. People who are\u00a0on the receiving end of racism, sexism, and homophobia (and other forms of oppression) have a right to be angry<\/a>:<\/p>\n

\n

Nobody was ever given rights by politely asking for them. Politeness is nothing but a set of behavioral expectations that is enforced upon marginalized people.<\/p>\n

If you see someone who is angry and upset about something that was said or done to them, don\u2019t tell them they should be\u00a0nicer<\/em>. Instead: Recognize their emotions as valid. Recognize that their emotional state is an indication that something extremely harmful was done to them, whether it was by you, or someone else. Work to understand why the action was oppressive.\u00a0Take all that energy that you\u2019re wasting being so concerned with how people are responding to their own oppression, and channel it into fighting oppression.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

Another answer is to say, well, y\u2019know, I don\u2019t like the anti-racist guy, but he is right about calling racism out in my community, so even though he gets up my nose, I will stand with him on this one issue. And the racism of racist guy is so extreme that I am going to have to dissociate myself from his white supremacist views, and call him out on them publicly.<\/p>\n

Regardless of whether you find racist guy to be an affable dude to hang out with, and anti-racist guy to be a bit of a douche: racism is wrong, and white supremacism is even wronger. That means racist guy is not an affable dude; he\u2019s an asshole.<\/p>\n

And as The Specials<\/a> so memorably put it, If you have a racist friend<\/a>, now is the time, now is the time for your friendship to end<\/q>.<\/p>\n

But apparently some people just want a quiet life.<\/p>\n

Well, I don\u2019t want to see racism, white supremacism, or apologies for racism on Patheos. And I don\u2019t want to see character assassination of individuals on Patheos. So I agree with John Beckett: Racism cannot be tolerated<\/a>, and Stephen Abell should no longer be welcome to post on Patheos Pagan.<\/p>\n

\"By<\/a>
By Frerieke<\/a> from The Hague, The Netherlands \u2013 Flickr: Day 20.06 _ Diversity and Unity<\/a>, CC BY 2.0<\/a><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

So you have a racist, sexist, homophobic, white supremacist friend. Your racist friend is perfectly affable to you, buys you beers, likes to chat about the football and whatever. But you are white and male and straight, so of course he is nice to you. And he doesn’t challenge your world-view, or your assumptions about how the world works, because both you and he are white, straight, and male.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1320,"featured_media":3466,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[381,168],"tags":[770,332],"class_list":["post-3465","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-newscommentary","category-related-topics","tag-ethnicity","tag-racism"],"yoast_head":"\nIf You Have A Racist Friend<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"So you have a racist, sexist, homophobic, white supremacist friend. 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