{"id":106,"date":"2013-01-19T14:46:00","date_gmt":"2013-01-19T19:46:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/oshetablogs.wordpress.com\/2013\/01\/19\/third-way-womanhood-pt-2"},"modified":"2013-01-19T14:46:00","modified_gmt":"2013-01-19T19:46:00","slug":"third-way-womanhood-pt-2","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/shalominthecity\/2013\/01\/third-way-womanhood-pt-2\/","title":{"rendered":"Third Way Womanhood Pt.2"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>


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\u201cNone But Jesus\u201d is one of my favorite worship songs because it reminds me to find my center in Christ. \u00a0<\/span>

Whenever I sing this song, I think back to being led in worship by the unbelievably gifted, Christy Nockels at a women\u2019s conference.\u00a0 It was\u00a0so exquisite, so breath-taking, so Kingdom, to be standing in a room full of women, under the sound of Christy\u2019s voice, and sing that there is \u201cNone But Jesus\u201d.<\/span><\/div>\n

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That experience helped form what I believe is the primary value of \u201cThird Way Womanhood\u201d\u2014a commitment to filter all the chaos and confusion of the biblical womanhood debate through Jesus.<\/b><\/span><\/div>\n

So today, I\u2019ll process what I experienced as I tried to connect with, the \u201cFearlessly Feminine\u201d camp, the convictions I adopted from them, and the ways I disagree with their position, through this lens.<\/span><\/div>\n
For the sake of this post, I\u2019ll refer to the women who have adopted, practice and teach a more traditional expression of Christian femininity that entails \u201ccomplementarianism\u201d as the \u201cFearlessly Feminine\u201d camp.\u00a0<\/span><\/div>\n
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This label comes from Jani Ortlund\u2019s book<\/a>. I\u2019ve found it to be a perfect summary of this group\u2019s convictions. They have embraced most of the traditional expressions of \u201cfemininity\u201d and do so without fear of criticism or ridicule.\u00a0 How are they able to be so bold?\u00a0 They\u2019ve called their expression \u2018biblical\u2019, created a \u201cTrue Woman Manifesto<\/a>,\u201d\u00a0\u00a0and now offer it to us in an all-or-nothing package.<\/span><\/div>\n<\/div>\n
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The problem is not the doctrines, necessarily, it\u2019s the all-or-nothing package deal they offer with the words, \u201cbiblical womanhood\u201d attached to it.\u00a0<\/span><\/div>\n<\/div>\n
I can\u2019t get down with that package deal, much the same way I can\u2019t get down with a CSA.<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/b>Kohlrabi, Brussel Sprouts, Onions, and Carrots<\/b><\/span><\/div>\n
If you\u2019re not familiar with a CSA\u2014then you probably haven\u2019t read, \u201c7\u201d by Jen Hatmaker\u2013<\/a>which you should do immediately.\u00a0 I\u2019m serious, this blog will be up for a while so go. Buy the book. Devour it. Change your life.<\/span><\/div>\n
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Life changed? \u00a0Fabulous! \u00a0That month off of media was CRA-ZY right?<\/span><\/div>\n
Welcome back to the blogosphere!<\/span><\/div>\n
Like I was saying, I can\u2019t get down with a CSA.<\/span><\/div>\n
CSA stands for <\/span>\u201c<\/span>community supported agri- culture\u201d. You get a share of produce weekly or bimonthly for a set fee from a local farm. This program is so cool because it cultivates a farm to table mentality\u2014but, I\u2019m sorry, \u00a0it\u2019s not for me.\u00a0 Because in most cases, the farmer<\/i> choses for you what you\u2019ll get in your weekly share, based on what\u2019s in season and what they\u2019ve harvested.\u00a0The means I could end up with a share full of carrots and onions (yummy!) and kohlrabi and brussel sprouts (super-gross).<\/span><\/div>\n

No, I\u2019m more of a farmer\u2019s market kind of girl.\u00a0 I want the freedom to wander from booth to booth, squeezing, tasting, smelling, discerning.\u00a0 \u201cCan I make something yummy with this?\u00a0 Will my kids freak out if this shows up on their plate?\u00a0 What would this taste like paired with my favorite wine?\u00a0 Are we <\/i>really<\/i><\/b> kohlrabi type of people?\u201d\u00a0<\/i><\/span>

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The rigidity of the \u201cFearlessly Feminine\u201d camp that requires I accept their doctrines and traditional expressions of femininity in order to be accepted as a \u201cbiblical\u201d woman was a huge disappointment to me. I didn\u2019t have the freedom to squeeze, taste, smell, and discern the various positions they offered in their \u201cshare\u201d.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n


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<\/b>Farmer\u2019s Market Femininity\u00a0<\/b><\/span><\/div>\n
The problem with this camp\u2019s \u00a0traditional expressions of femininity is that they are rooted in, well, tradition, not necessarily in Scripture or even, in Jesus.\u00a0 That\u2019s what I experienced when I tried to assimilate into the \u201cFearlessly Feminine\u201d camp. They have enshrined the traditional culture of the white, fifties, middle class homemaker or, in Sarah Edwards\u2019 case, an 18th Century pastor\u2019s wife who owned slaves, as their archetypes, and somehow expect modern women, or in particular\u00a0this<\/i>\u00a0black, modern woman to relate to them.\u00a0 More importantly, if I, a) a black woman who is b) married to a white man, and c) \u00a0is used to being the only minority in the room, couldn\u2019t can\u2019t relate to them, then surely it will be even more difficult for the women we\u2019ll be serving in our center-city Boston church plant. Imagine how well this piece of pastoral advice, influenced by this camp would sit with them: \u00a0\u201cBy the way, God wants you to give up the only job you have that supports you and your family to bop around your house in capris and an apron.\u201d\u00a0<\/i>\u00a0She\u2019d look at me like I\u2019m crazy and write me off as irrelevant.<\/span>

<\/span>I didn\u2019t quite feel at home at this camp.\u00a0<\/span><\/div>\n
After three years of attempting to reconcile who I am and who they deem as \u201cbiblical\u201d, \u00a0I reduced my subscription to a \u201cshare\u201d of this camp, to practical homemaking, family, and marriage advice. \u00a0<\/span><\/div>\n
You see, when I began to unpack their teachings I found their \u201cshare\u201d contained: \u00a0encouragement in homemaking, Christ-like submission, and freedom to express our God-given femininity (yay!), I also found a disturbing theodicy, a use of Scripture as a rulebook and not a story that points to Jesus, and a denial of women\u2019s liberty to serve in the role of pastor or teaching elder in the local church (nay!).\u00a0<\/span><\/div>\n
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Fearlessly Submitting Like Christ<\/b><\/span>

<\/b><\/span>I see nothing in Scripture that precludes a woman from serving in an elder role in the church.\u00a0If I am filtering this issue through the framework of Jesus\u2019 ministry and life, then I see the exact opposite.\u00a0I see a radical counter-cultural trajectory that empowers, affirms, and equips women to lead.<\/span><\/div>\n
\u201cBut, wait Osheta, didn\u2019t you say in your last post<\/a> you affirm role distinction in your marriage?\u201d<\/i>\u00a0 Yes, yes, I did.\u00a0 I affirm role distinction in my marriage <\/i>because I see this reflected in the Trinity. Jesus, within the context of his most intimate relationship (to his Father), willingly operated in a distinct role of submission. Since I take my cues from Jesus, I must accept that distinction of roles are good and necessary.<\/span><\/div>\n
Here\u2019s the kicker\u2014without expecting my husband to submit to me in return.\u00a0<\/span><\/div>\n
Since I am equal to T.C., the fact that I\u2019m choosing to humble myself in submission is a gift I give him expecting nothing in return.<\/span><\/div>\n
Fearlessly Servant Leading My Husband<\/b><\/span><\/div>\n
I\u2019m so thankful for the godly example of submissive wives in the \u00a0\u201cFearlessly Feminine\u201d camp. They taught me how to practically live out submission.\u00a0 What frustrates me about the opposite camp, the \u201cLiberated Christian Woman\u201d or (LCW), is the caricature they create of a submissive wife. They portray her as oppressed and unable to lead beside her husband merely because she chooses to submit to his role as spiritual leader.\u00a0 In fact, I\u2019m in a position of great power as a submitted wife. As I submit, I am positioning myself under my husband and leading him from a place of service and humility. I don\u2019t submit in order to coerce him to give me what I want, I submit because I know God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.\u00a0 One of my favorite theologians and pastors, Greg Boyd calls this \u201cpower under\u201d as opposed to \u201cpower over\u201d leadership.<\/span><\/div>\n
I am not a doormat.\u00a0 I\u2019m not quiet (At all. Ask my husband. I\u2019m mouthy as all get out!).\u00a0 I\u2019m not passive. I\u2019m not often overruled. I don\u2019t ask before I buy a pair of shoes (or new candles from Bath and Body Works).\u00a0 I have a voice<\/b> and a seat at the table in decision-making in our family.\u00a0Submission only becomes a factor in our marriage when there are areas in which we disagree. \u00a0<\/span><\/div>\n
For instance, when Hurricane Katrina was on track to hit New Orleans, I was eight months pregnant with our second child.\u00a0 We evacuated to my parents\u2019 house in Texas, but after that we didn\u2019t know what to we would do or where to we would go. News outlets reported that residents were not being allowed to return to their flooded homes for weeks<\/i>\u2014possibly even months!<\/i>\u00a0 I knew we needed to make a decision \u2018right quick and in a hurry\u2019 because baby was coming soon and momma needed a sterile room and an epidural! \u00a0I wanted to stay in Texas to have our son and move after that, but as my husband and I prayed and sought advice from our mentors, we received a call from a friend encouraging us to move to Boston before <\/i>havi\n

ng the baby.\u00a0 We had several long, long, looong conversations until T.C. basically said, Babe, I think this is what God wants us to do.\u00a0 I need you to support this decision and trust me.\u00a0<\/i><\/p><\/span><\/div>\n

Out of respect for my husband and reverence for Christ, I submitted and it\u2019s been the best decision we\u2019ve ever made for our family.<\/b><\/span><\/div>\n
I think when we make deliberate choices to reflect Jesus\u2019 humility and submission we are in turn blessed for our obedience.<\/span><\/div>\n
Fearlessly Faithful In Suffering<\/b><\/span><\/div>\n
A few years ago, my friend lost two babies to miscarriage. She was of course, devastated. As we prayed together, I was horrified to discover that due to her exposure to the \u201cFearlessly Feminie\u201d camp, she mistakenly attributed her suffering and loss to God. When I look at Jesus, I see a God who is by our side through suffering, but is never the one inflicting suffering upon us. He is the Good Shepherd; there is no shadow of turning in him.<\/span><\/div>\n
This camp overwhelmingly affirms a theological worldview in which everything<\/i> that has ever happened in the past, happens in the present, or happens in the future is \u201cGod\u2019s will.\u201d What does this mean for women who experience deep loss or suffer tragic circumstances?<\/span><\/div>\n
They initially blame God, come to accept that His will for their suffering is somehow meant for his glory, and then go on living in a functional distrust of his goodness or trustworthiness.<\/b><\/span><\/div>\n
As a church planter\u2019s wife, I\u2019m often thinking about the women who will join our church.\u00a0 I want to be very deliberate in the way I lead and care for them.\u00a0 They will<\/i> come to me with questions: \u00a0\u201cWhy can\u2019t I find a job?\u201d, \u201cWhy would God give me the desire to be a mom, but I\u2019m struggling with infertility?\u201d, \u201cWhy am I still single?\u201d, \u201cWhy did Newtown happen?\u201d. My answers should communicate the nature of God as our Savoir, Lord, and Friend as revealed in Jesus. After tasting, smelling, squeezing, and discerning their theodicy, it\u2019s a part of the \u201cFearlessly Feminine\u201d share that I cannot make into something yummy.\u00a0<\/span><\/div>\n
None But Jesus<\/span><\/b><\/span><\/div>\n
There is no one else for me, none but Jesus<\/i>. He is the standard by which I decide what to believe and how to live.\u00a0 So, as a \u201cThird Way Woman\u201d I cannot affirm anything that does not give off the fragrant aroma of Christ and his teachings.\u00a0 I love the ways the \u201cFearlessly Feminine\u201d camp reflect Christ beautifully in their commitment to creating welcoming homes primed for hospitality, submission to their husband, and joyfully embracing their femininity. I\u2019m thankful for their contribution to the community of believing women, but I don\u2019t want to be boxed into a package deal that forces me to affirm something that doesn\u2019t meet the standard of Christ. I\u2019m a Third Way woman, a Jesus-way Way woman, and that<\/i> makes me a biblical woman.<\/span>

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