As I listened to her book, I found myself bookmarking and writing quick little prayers for our church, New City Covenant. \u00a0In lieu of a review, I\u2019d like to share with you a compilation of some of the prayers I prayed while listening to \u201cPastrix\u201d.\u00a0 There\u2019s language for those of you who are sensitive (both in my prayer and the book), but if you\u2019ve been with me for a while, you know I tend to cuss when I pray<\/a>, especially about the church plant.\u00a0 The thoughts that inspired me from the book are in bold will take you to the Amazon page to buy the book.<\/p>\n So Jesus,<\/em><\/p>\n \u00a0When you made it possible for us to take a three week road trip in 2010, we like to call, \u201cMoore Tour 2010\u201d,\u00a0<\/a>\u00a0 where we revisited New Orleans five years after Hurricane Katrina and reconnected with our friends who like us, were scattered like as a diaspora all across the country, I had no idea you\u2019d ask us to consider church planting.\u00a0 You know this.\u00a0 Yet, you put your crazy on display and called us to plant, New City Covenant Church<\/a>. On the long legs between cities and sitting on decks drinking condensation slick lemonades with our past mentors, you gave us a vision of gathering people across racial, socioeconomic, sexual orientation, and generational divides to become a city on the hill\u2014an alternative Boston that reflects your selfless, boundary destroying, unforgettable love as displayed on Calvary.\u00a0 You called us to become a Champions for shalom for our city.<\/em><\/p>\n So here we are and your crazy is feeling crazier and crazier, Lord. It\u2019s maddening, really. \u00a0We\u2019re in this launch team gathering and developing phase where we have to gather a specific number of people before we invite the community into preview services, and we\u2019re coming up against some of the beautiful challenges that you promised when you said,\u00a0 \u201cin this world you will have trouble, but take heart, I have overcome the world.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n \u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n And I\u2019m trying to hold onto this Jesus, but it\u2019s so hard and lately I\u2019ve been succumbing to \u201ccotton candy\u201d frustrations. I\u2019m ugly crying<\/a> and doubting like crazy.\u00a0 <\/em><\/p>\n \u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n Because you know me Jesus, I FEEL THE FEEINGS.\u00a0 Big time.\u00a0 Live and in Technicolor!\u00a0 Brilliantly and at times, self-indulgently.<\/em><\/p>\n \u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n I\u2019m if honest here, Lord. It feels like you\u2019ve called us out from our fairly average life of seminary student and stay at home mom to follow you in this mission when you opened our eyes to people in need, hungry for authenticity and thirsty for community in the city.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n \u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n Then you said to us like you said to the disciples before you feed the four thousand<\/a>, \u201cT.C., Osheta, I have compassion for these people they have been crying out for comfort for years, they are gaunt and sickly in their attempts to satisfy their hunger in anything but me.\u00a0 If they continue this way, hope will die. And I resurrected from the grave so that they may have a living hope.\u201d\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n \u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n And like the disciples, Lord I say.<\/em><\/p>\n \u00a0\u201cRiiiight, Jesus.\u00a0 But how do you suppose we reach all these hurting people in the South End\/Lower Roxbury with a fledgling launch team?\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n \u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n Because clearly, I\u2019ve been reading more church planting strategy articles than my Bible\u2026<\/em><\/p>\n \u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n And you\u2019re all, \u201c yeah, it\u2019s not like I didn\u2019t feed thousands with seven loaves of bread and a few fish. I\u2019m kinda resourceful like that.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n \u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n And I\u2019m sufficiently rebuked.<\/em><\/p>\n \u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n I keep forgetting.\u00a0 You dig \u201cnothing\u201d<\/strong><\/a>.\u00a0 You rock out nearly enough.\u00a0 Your strength is made perfect in my weakness.<\/em><\/p>\n \u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n But seriously, Lord.\u00a0 Where\u2019s the rest of our tribe?\u00a0 Where\u2019s the group that\u2019s going to deliver Thanksgiving lunches to working people in Roxbury <\/a><\/strong>and serve on Sunday mornings? Where\u2019s my soul sisters who\u2019ll take care of pregnant teens<\/strong><\/a> with me and coupon clip to stock up a food pantry?\u00a0 Where are the little children with deep cocoa eyes staring up at me, asking for graham crackers and watered-down Kool-aid, who want to know they\u2019re loved and cared for in my Sunday school class?\u00a0 Where\u2019s our worship team that will play Fred Hammond and Starfield and \u201cO For a Thousand Tongues to Sing\u201d in the same set?\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n \u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n Where\u2019s our launch team, Lord? Where\u2019s the tribe you\u2019ve called to beat back the darkness of lies and identity theft from the enemy with the Gospel of your Kingdom on earth, as it is heaven?<\/em><\/p>\n \u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n Maybe I\u2019m not listening well enough.\u00a0 Maybe me eyes not open for the unlikely awesome additions to our team.\u00a0 Maybe there\u2019s a few Rick Strandlofs<\/b> <\/a>out there, I\u2019m not seeing because of my fear of entrusting this vision to \u201cneedy\u201d. \u00a0Maybe there are a few surgeons and stockbrokers I\u2019m hesitant to approach or invite into the dreaming process of New City, because I have an unchecked prejudice of the privileged.<\/a><\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n \u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n Maybe I\u2019m being a bit cynical. I probably am. I\u2019m cynical and bitter, and totally neurotic because I can\u2019t seem to separate my identity from this church plant.\u00a0\u00a0<\/strong><\/a><\/em><\/p>\n \u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n It\u2019s like my life is wrapped around New City.\u00a0 Like this plant is a baby my own body is cocooning. I\u2019m pregnant with hopes, dreams, vision, and strategies.\u00a0 I can smell the coffee brewing for our after service brunches.\u00a0 I can taste the salt in the air when people shuffle in on a snowy Sunday morning to help set up in the gym of a community center.\u00a0 I can hear the worship team hashing out the harmonies that will quiet our hearts so we can tune into the reality that you are and always have been with us.\u00a0 I can see the corners filled with small groups praying together.\u00a0 And like the Roman soldier at the foot of the cross, I can sense that truly you are the Son of God when I watch how our model of dialogue in service tears down barriers in the same way the veil was torn when you gave up your last breath.<\/em><\/p>\n There must be a reason you\u2019ve activated every sense and neuron for this community.\u00a0 You are not cruel.\u00a0 Completely unpredictable and more interested in my heart than my output\u2014but not cruel.\u00a0 Never that.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n \u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n Lord, I\u2019ve wanted to induce labor for this baby church plant for weeks.\u00a0 But maybe\u2026. just maybe\u2026all of this groaning, whiny, bitching, and complaining about how hard this process is\u2026is part of my excruciating labor.\u00a0 Maybe the \u201cnos\u201d and \u201cnot yets\u201d are the contractions that ebb and flow and tear down my pride until I\u2019m whimpering before you in the aftermath of rejection pain asking you to satisfy my thirst to be known.\u00a0 Lord, feed me ice chips of identity and unconditional love and hold my hand until the next \u201cno\u201d comes!\u00a0 \u00a0And maybe, like the earth that groans for you to \u201ccome, Lord Jesus, come\u201d I groan in expectation that this baby, New City\u2026YOUR baby, New City\u2026 will be born.<\/em><\/p>\n \u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n I once told my friend whose baby was past due to not grow weary in doing good.\u00a0 To rest in this advent season before her baby, her gift, comes into the world. \u00a0I passed your peace to her. \u201cThe peace of Christ to you, sister\u201d, I said. \u00a0Good advice, huh? Maybe I should eavesdrop when you use me to encourage others, you might just be attempting to encourage me too.<\/em><\/p>\n \u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n So Jesus.\u00a0 I\u2019m still a little anxious. But, you already know I\u2019m a hot mess around control and structure.\u00a0 We\u2019re working on that.\u00a0 I think might be wrestling with you on my death bed for a few more days on this side of eternity to get everything in order and perfect\u2026we\u2019ll see.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n But, for now, I\u2019ll ask you for three things:<\/em><\/p>\n \u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n 1: When the demonic pop songs<\/a> <\/strong>comes to play in my mind, when I\u2019m replaying all the \u201cnos,\u201d \u201cnot good enough\u201d, and the cautions that \u201curban church plants are not viable\u201d, help me not stand for that shit!\u00a0 Let me remember that I am beloved!\u00a0 I am baptized!<\/strong> \u00a0<\/a>You have set me apart from all that crazy drama of \u201cnot good enough\u201d.\u00a0 \u00a0I am the girl who dances<\/a> and I\u2019ll dance to my own tune.\u00a0 A tune that proclaims that you, Lord takes nothing and feed thousands\u2014with enough leftover to spare. You are faithful and that you will never forsake us.<\/em><\/p>\n \u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n 2:\u00a0 When I\u2019m writhing in rejection pain, help me not turn into myself with, but turn to you. Remembering your grace is sufficient<\/a> <\/strong>for me. You grace doesn\u2019t rely on my sales pitch or charm, but on the fact that you are and have always been enough. Your grace wins.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n \u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n 3:\u00a0 And Lord, please, if you don\u2019t do anything else.\u00a0 Please, Lord.\u00a0 Pretty please\u2026. give me a Stuart.\u00a0 Give me a Minister of Fabulousness.<\/strong><\/a> Someone who\u2019ll one up my quirky sense of humor, advise me on the right boots to buy this fall, and will rub his big drag queen hands<\/strong><\/a> on my back as he prays for me to release my anxiety and fears to you.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n \u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n Given that we\u2019re planting in one of the largest LGBT areas of Boston, Lord\u2026I think that one\u2019s low hanging fruit for you.<\/em><\/p>\n But, I could be surprised.\u00a0 You may bring a well-spoken African-American lawyer to become my Minister of Fabulousness.\u00a0 You tend to do exactly the opposite of what I expect.\u00a0 <\/em><\/p>\n Often.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n \u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n Like when you called a young, idealistic couple on a family road-trip to plant a church in Boston.<\/em><\/p>\n \u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n Thanks for entertaining my crazy Lord.\u00a0 I love you. Let\u2019s do this thing together.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n Amen.<\/em><\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" I\u2019ve just finished listening to \u201cPastrix\u201d by Nadia Bolz-Weber for the second time today.\u00a0 Just days before her beautiful, cranky theological memoir released, my husband and I watched her interview at Wild Goose. This woman pastor covered in tattoos intrigued me. \u00a0I appreciated her honesty and humor and I LOVED that she wasn\u2019t afraid to […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3037,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[3],"tags":[89,90,93,148,54,21,32,149,150,151,16],"class_list":["post-1323","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-blog","tag-church","tag-church-planting","tag-faith","tag-grace","tag-identity","tag-jesus","tag-love","tag-minister-of-fabulousness","tag-nadia-bolz-weber","tag-pastrix","tag-prayer"],"yoast_head":"\n![\"91sZedw2QNL._SL1500_\"](\"https:\/\/oshetablogs.files.wordpress.com\/2013\/09\/91szedw2qnl-_sl1500_1.jpg\")
<\/a><\/p>\n