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<\/span><\/a><\/div>\nThese questions and more tumbled out of my mouth and met my tears on my steering \u00a0wheel this cold, spring afternoon.\u00a0<\/b><\/span> Anne calls God \u201cDude\u201d, I think He\u2019s so boss! \u00a0<\/b><\/span><\/span> It was a CSI car exam. Then I did the back seats. I frisked myself again. Looked through my wallet, and then my whole purse, again.
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<\/span>This afternoon I sat in my minivan and had an ugly cry. \u00a0<\/b><\/span><\/span>
<\/b><\/span>Several church plant related issues coalesced into a crashing wave of frustration and doubt.<\/b><\/span><\/span>
<\/b><\/span><\/span>Did God really call us to do this?<\/i><\/b><\/span><\/span>
<\/i>Where is this vibrant community He gave us vision for?<\/i><\/b><\/span>
<\/i><\/b><\/span>Did we make the right choice for our family?<\/i><\/b><\/span><\/p>\n
<\/b><\/span>I may have spent hours parked on the curb outside out apartment complex\u2014I didn\u2019t know nor did I care, but as I checked my phone to see how long I shirked my\u00a0responsibilities\u00a0as mama to have a pity party, this\u00a0<\/b><\/span>story pop up in my Facebook notices<\/b>. Deciding that my family could survive ten more minutes with out me, I read it.<\/b><\/span><\/span>
<\/b><\/span><\/span>Best. Ugly cry. Remedy. Ever!<\/b><\/span><\/p>\n
<\/b>He showed up right in the midst of my frustration through Anne\u2019s words. \u00a0I laughed with and at her because found myself in her frazzled, confused, snarky re-telling of when frustration\u00a0and faith met in a parking garage.\u00a0<\/b><\/span>
<\/b><\/span>This story was a balm to me.<\/b><\/span><\/span>
<\/b><\/span>Sitting in the aftermath of her story, I realized radical self care is accepting that for whatever reason, in this season of church planting, I\u2019ll be prone to emotional hot messiness. I\u2019ll have ugly cries and salt my prayers with nearly blue swear words. \u00a0I\u2019ll wonder \u201cwhy\u201d more than I\u2019ll praise God with a hearty \u201cwow\u201d. \u00a0I\u2019ll struggle with loneliness even though I\u2019m called to cultivate a community. \u00a0I\u2019ll need faith and frustration to meet more often.\u00a0<\/b><\/span>I\u2019ll need Jesus to be so boss everyday.<\/b><\/span>
<\/b><\/span>I accepted it, vowed to let Him in while I\u2019m struggling, and then\u2026 I got a pedicure\u2014even though snow was lightly dusting the ground.<\/b><\/span><\/span>
<\/b><\/span>I hope this story is a balm to your heart too\u2026<\/b><\/span><\/span>
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<\/b><\/span>This is a true story. A Status Update\u00a0<\/span>by Anne Lamott<\/i><\/span><\/span>
I have been doing a bunch of radio interviews to promote the coming paperback edition of Some Assembly Required, and so was in San Francisco recently. There was no street parking to be found, so I parked in an underground garage. I stuck the ticket in my wallet, went and did the interview, came back to the car, and got ready to leave.<\/span>
But I couldn\u2019t find my ticket. It wasn\u2019t in my wallet. I looked for it there, again and again, but couldn\u2019t find it, so I rifled through my purse. The ticket wasn\u2019t there, either. I took everything out of the purse, put it on the passenger seat, and pawed through it, like a Samuel Becket character.<\/span>
Sighing loudly, I looked everywhere it could have fallen\u2013the console between the front seats, the ashtray, the floor, the glovebox. Then I got out, exasperated with myself. I am getting so spaced out.<\/span>
I don\u2019t want to be put in a home yet!<\/span>
After a minute, though, I remembered Rule One: radical self-care. Militant and maternal kindness to one\u2019s own time-consuming and annoying self.\u00a0<\/span>
I gave myself some encouragement, all but sang, \u201cYou can do it Cinderelli, Cinderelli.\u201d<\/span>
I bent in, and examined every spot in the front seat. I sat in both seats so I could skootch them backwards, and then beneath.<\/span><\/i><\/span><\/p>\n
Finally, I decided to try and talk my way out past the guy in the exit booth. I mean, I do this for a living. I started the engine and headed toward the exit, passing a small man in a garage uniform on foot. I rolled down my window, and said, \u201cCan you help me? \u2018I\u2019ve lost my ticket.\u201d<\/span>
He threw up his hands. \u201cIt\u2019s 38 dollars.\u201d I thought he was punking me at first, so I beamed, since we were now co-conspirators in the playful game.<\/span>
\u201cI know\u2013but can you help me? I\u2019ve been here less than an hour.\u201d<\/span>
He shook his head. \u201cIt\u2019s 38 dollars for a lost ticket. All lost tickets. 38 dollars.\u201d<\/span>
I said I understand that, but I just really needed his help.<\/span>
\u201cNo one can help you,\u201d he said, like a voice from the crypt.<\/span>
I wanted to smack him. Then I spoke verrrrrrry slowly, to help him grasp the nuances. \u201cI\u2019ve only been here fifty minutes. But I\u2019ve lost my ticket, and I just need you to help me explain this.\u201d<\/span>
He spoke verrrry slowly, too, to help me better understand: \u201cNo\u2026one\u2026can\u2026help\u2026.you.\u201d<\/span>
My entire childhood flashed before my eyes. I thought I might begin tearing at the flesh on my forehead.<\/span>
\u201cOkay,\u201d I said coldly and began rolling up my window.<\/span>
\u201cNo one could even help my BOSS,\u201d he said. \u201cMy BOSS would have to pay 38 dollars.\u201d<\/span>
I nodded. I felt very crazy, victimized, misunderstood. I drove twenty feet, and then pulled over. I got out of the car. I frisked myself again, like Joe Friday. I bent in and examined the car, under the seats, the console, every fucking square inch of the tear. I got back in.<\/span>
Maybe twenty minutes had passed. And then I remembered something\u2013that I believe in God, in divine assistance, for the frazzled and mentally challenged, like myself. So I hung my head, and prayed.<\/span>
I said, Look, God. I\u2019ve got a problem. I\u2019ve tried everything, but now I need you to step into this. Help me be okay with having to pay the 38 dollars; help me know that I need to do better next time, and keep better track of things. It would be great if we could somehow together find the ticket, but otherwise, help me not be such as Ass Hat. help me be a good sport, and just pay.\u201d<\/span>
After a minute, I started laughing quietly, sort of with and at myself simultaneously, gently. When I opened my eyes, there, on the floor of the passenger seat, was the little blue ticket.<\/span>
\u201cOh, my GOD, Dude,\u201d I said to God. \u201cYou are such a show-off.\u201d<\/span>
Then I drove to the exit booth, paid my five dollars, and dove up the ramp to the sunlight.<\/span>
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<\/span>So good right? I hope to read and review, \u201cHelp, Thanks, Wow\u201d here soon. \u00a0If you\u2019d like to join in the discussion, then join below.<\/b><\/span>
<\/b><\/span>Love y\u2019all and my newly painted muted grape toes,<\/b><\/span><\/span>
<\/span><\/a> <\/span><\/p>\n