{"id":216,"date":"2013-04-10T21:58:00","date_gmt":"2013-04-10T21:58:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/oshetablogs.wordpress.com\/2013\/04\/10\/salty-prayer-warrior"},"modified":"2013-04-10T21:58:00","modified_gmt":"2013-04-10T21:58:00","slug":"salty-prayer-warrior","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/shalominthecity\/2013\/04\/salty-prayer-warrior\/","title":{"rendered":"Salty Prayer Warrior"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>
\"\"<\/a><\/div>\n
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Source<\/a><\/div>\n


\n<\/span> <\/p>\n

\n

Lately, I\u2019ve been cussing in my prayer times. At first, I was so shocked when a slightly blue, salty word slipped from my lips.\u00a0 How doth I utter such expletive in the presence of the Most High.\u00a0 I shall pay the iron price for my insolence!\u00a0 <\/i>And like a good girl I apologized, felt horrible for letting an unclean word pollute the air of my prayer closet, and promised to process my anguish a little nicer, a little cleaner, a little more polite\u2026poetic even\u2026I\u2019ll Psalm it up for God and use soft words to communicate hard times.<\/p>\n

Because, you know, he can\u2019t handle me cussing, right? Right.<\/p>\n

But then, things got harder.\u00a0 The house is feeling smaller as these children are getting bigger. Our anticipated move date is pushed back even more\u2014funds and opportunities are scarce.\u00a0 We can\u2019t have our launch team over (too messy, too small, too lacking in overall Martha-ness) therefore I\u2019m dropping the ball as a happy-homemaker-pastor\u2019s-wife.\u00a0 My son may have a learning disability and until it\u2019s confirmed\u2014I\u2019m impotent to help. Our van sucked a huge portion of our vacation budget and\u2026 I\u2019ve gone up a size in jeans.<\/p>\n

All in the span of one month. (I blame that last one of the copious amounts of chocolate I\u2019ve been eating.\u00a0 A replacement mechanism for not cussing, I bet)<\/p>\n

I sat in the aftermath of all this more confused than ever. \u00a0To be honest, I was tired of platitudes.\u00a0 You know what God\u2014 you\u2019re not looking so good right now.\u00a0 If you\u2019re good all the time, then explain to me how right now everything is SO not good.<\/i><\/p>\n

I was tired of played out Scriptures, \u201call things work together for the good?\u201d well, why these things? I get the house.\u00a0 I get the kids. I even get the van (that\u2019s what being a full-on vehicle owning adult is about). But\u2026 for the love of all that\u2019s good and GAP, why the jeans, Lord?\u00a0 Why the jeans?<\/i><\/p>\n

Bent over with a Bible in my lap and worship music playing in my iPod, the only thing I could think of is how crappy I felt.\u00a0 How tired I was of being tired, how the joy of the Lord that\u2019s suppose to be my strength is a joke, they should call it the joke of the Lord<\/i>! Then the tears that just pricked my eyes weeks ago when I uttered the grandpappy of cuss words before Creator of the Universe, full-on welled up and trickled down my face, splashing dots of despair on the only pair of jeans left that fit me.<\/p>\n

Where are you, Lord? Really? WTF?* \u00a0<\/i><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/i>And I waited.\u00a0 For the conviction that I feel when I tell a l white lie or the shame I\u2019m accustomed to when I let a chance to encourage my friend pass me by.<\/p>\n

Nothing.<\/p>\n

The air didn\u2019t feel dirtier nor did the connection to God feel severed.<\/p>\n

Something odd and almost subversive happened, when honest words, escaped an honest mouth, and honest breakthrough occurred.\u00a0 As that phrase found it\u2019s way out my subconscious and before the Lord, I felt\u2026 better.\u00a0 Known.\u00a0 Cleaner, even.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s as if Jesus was waiting.\u00a0 He was waiting for me to stop being so polite and get real with him.\u00a0 Knowing all this was going to hit the fan at the same time, he waited for me to stop fronting and get salty. \u00a0He knew I had it within me and it didn\u2019t scare him one bit. He waited for me to get angry and wild and honest and real. \u00a0He wanted me to get down to the very epicenter of my pain and let it explode out of me with force and frankness and a few \u201cfudges\u201d.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s in the ugly cries and nasty words that our Beautiful Healer met me.<\/p>\n

So I\u2019ve been cussing when I pray.\u00a0 Not gratuitously.\u00a0 A smattering here or there, really.\u00a0 Honestly hard words for honestly hard circumstances.\u00a0 And I don\u2019t feel bad about it.\u00a0 I don\u2019t feel bad because this what I\u2019m convinced of\u2014Jesus wants to know me.\u00a0 All of me. \u00a0All moved-to-a-new-size-of-jeans me.\u00a0 All cost-of-a throttle-body-for-my-minivan-poorer me.\u00a0 All lives-in-a house-too-small-for-my-sanity me.<\/p>\n

All salty prayer warrior me.<\/p>\n

All of me.<\/p>\n

Just as I am.<\/p>\n

Maybe if I start rivaling sailors for new, inventive ways to cuss, he\u2019ll reign me in, but for now peace comes when I wage war on my circumstance with a pointed word and a sharp prayer. This is me coming to know and be known.\u00a0 This is just as I am.<\/p>\n

The first time I heard \u201cJust As I Am\u201d, I was a Pentecostal<\/a> tween at youth camp. The last night of camp we\u2019d sit by the fire and the cute boy counselors (whose names were at the top of our \u201cfuture husband\u201d lists ) would strum the chords of that ancient hymn while the heat from the fire slightly singed the hairs on our not yet shaved legs. \u00a0Quiet sniffles (either from pain or conviction, we\u2019ll never know) intermingled with the cracking of the fire as we all thought of our deepest, darkest, nastiest sins. \u201cjust as I am, without one plea, O Lamb of God I come to thee\u201d \u00a0<\/i>many of us would sing throwing our friendship bracelet laden arms high in the air committing our lives to the Lamb.<\/p>\n

But what if, coming just as I am means more than being aware that I\u2019m a sinner, but coming real, honest, hard words for hard times, and wild.\u00a0 Can I still come just as I am?<\/p>\n

I think so.\u00a0 I know so.<\/p>\n

I know the Lamb of God shed his blood for me, for one reason\u2014relationship.\u00a0 Authentic barrier-broken relationship. \u00a0Past platitudes and polite pleasantries.\u00a0 To the place where calling a spade a spade and asking WTF <\/i>doesn\u2019t offend but invites: to come, come, come bring Your love unknown and know me\u2014just as I am. \u00a0Angry, hard, salty, and in need. I come. <\/i><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/i><\/p>\n

Just as I am\u2026I come.<\/i><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/i><\/p>\n

And I\u2019m reminded of a line we sang while I rubbed by newly camp fired \u201cNaired\u201d<\/i> legs\u2026<\/p>\n

Just as I am, Thy love unknown<\/i>
\nHath broken every barrier down;
\nNow, to be Thine, yea, Thine alone,
\nO Lamb of God, I come, I come.<\/i><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/i><\/p>\n

So I come. I come salty that things are not the way I want them to be, but seasoned enough to know that our Lord is omni-resourceful to make something good from all the bad that\u2019s happening (even if that Scripture doesn\u2019t fully help, it\u2019s no less truer).<\/p>\n

I come. All of me, just as I am. \u00a0Salted words and salty tears.\u00a0 I come and take my place as a salty prayer warrior.<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

Note about the cussing:<\/p>\n

*you can imagine I thought \u201cfudge\u201d if that\u2019s helpful for you\u00a0\u00a0 <\/i><\/p>\n

I\u2019m leaving the comments open to share ways we\u2019d love prayer, moments being honest and real with God has led to healing and being known, and to share our favorite memories of youth camp counselor boy crushes\u2026not to discuss the biblical bases for cussing or not\u2026that\u2019s a whole \u2018nother conversation, y\u2019all.\u00a0 Let\u2019s just be real and come\u2026<\/i><\/b><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

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