\u00a0<\/p>\n
To the single woman on the day you find out you\u2019re pregnant:<\/p>\n
You\u2019re sitting on the cold bathroom floor, eyes wide, heart pounding, hands trembling with a positive test bearing two pink lines indicating that yes, in fact, you\u00a0are<\/em>\u00a0pregnant.\u00a0Unwed and unexpectedly, you are pregnant.<\/strong><\/p>\n These two lines have changed your life forever and you\u2019re in shock.<\/p>\n This is TOTALLY OK.\u00a0 Let me tell you, the night I found out I was going to be a mom before a wife (or college graduate for that matter),\u00a0 I was in such a shock that I went straight into denial. I hid the test in the back of my medicine cabinet, went to dance class, came home, carb-loaded on Kraft mac and cheese while watching MTV\u2019s \u201cThe Real World\u201d, then crashed\u2026hard\u2026. because\u2026hello! I was stressed, I just modern danced my bum off, and I happened to be making a human\u2014all at the same time!<\/p>\n Three hours later, I woke up to Kylie Minogue\u2019s video, \u00a0\u201cCan\u2019t Get You Out Of My Head\u201d and I honestly thought I dreamed the whole thing. I thought it was finally cracking under the pressure of my stressful ballet choreography project due the next week. My mouth tasted like cotton balls\u00a0 so, I stumbled into the bathroom to brush my teeth and saw the test behind my toothpaste tube.\u00a0 Then it all became very, very real.<\/p>\n This was my \u201cReal world: University of North Texas\u201d edition.\u00a0 I was 20, a junior in college, a dance major, and according to EPT\u2014pregnant.<\/p>\n \u201cStupid, stupid, stupid woman\u201d, I muttered repeatedly.<\/p>\n Maybe this is what you\u2019re thinking right now, that you\u2019re stupid.\u00a0 How many times had you practiced safe sex, and heeded the warning that there is no reliable reigning \u201cPull Out King,\u201d and if you ran in Christian circles like me you generally avoided pre-marital sex because \u201ctrue love waits\u201d and yet, you let yourself get pregnant?<\/p>\n Let me tell you this as a former unwed and unexpectedly pregnant woman: you are not stupid.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n You are human and this happens.\u00a0 Hormones and hot boys and Nelly\u2019s \u201cHot in Herre\u201d making you feel all sexy and invincible, happened.\u00a0\u00a0 Or maybe it was Jason Derulo\u2019s, \u201cTalk Dirty\u201d, good Lord, I\u2019m sure some of your babies are Queen Bey\u2019s fault.\u00a0 Whatever. Mommy brain tangents on baby-making bump and grind music aside, this is me, crouching down with you on your bathroom floor to look in your eyes and tell you this ultimate truth: you are braver than you think, more extraordinary than you know, and stronger than you give yourself credit for.<\/p>\n You need all the positivity right now, so STOP BLAMING AND SHAMING YOURSELF.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n Blame and Shame are fugly stepsisters and you\u2019ve got better things to do than let them keep you from the ball of enjoying your life\u2014because yes, even though you are pregnant way before you ever planned to be, your life is not over, so don\u2019t let Shame and Blame keep you from living it.<\/p>\n It\u2019s true, honey, when you get off this bathroom floor, you\u2019ve got things to do. Things like decide if you want to keep the baby, give it up for adoption, or get an abortion.\u00a0 Things like find an OB, write a birth plan, meet potential adoptive parents, start taking prenatal vitamins, lean into your community for post-delivery care, and, of course, figure out your 3am cravings.<\/p>\n Exhausting, right?\u00a0 See how you don\u2019t have time for shame?<\/p>\n As your pregnancy progresses, shame will keep coming at you like a beast.\u00a0 I know you\u2019re not showing yet and you can probably pass off your exhaustion to whatever crazy you\u2019ve got going in on your life.\u00a0 Maybe you\u2019re a student or a career-driven professional. Maybe you\u2019re a cashier at CVS and your jerky boss keeps you on the late night shift.\u00a0 Whatever your situation, you\u2019ll use this as a plausible excuse for why you\u2019re so tired all the time. When the morning sickness (which, I hate to break it to you is a misnomer, you\u2019re going to be sick ALL DAY LONG) hits and you\u2019re puking every hour, you\u2019ll try to pass it off as your immune system compromised by stress.<\/p>\n Eventually though, you\u2019ll start showing and everyone will know. People will start asking questions.\u00a0 Eyes will narrow and pearls will be clutched.\u00a0 Before you want to, you\u2019ll have to announce your pregnancy.<\/p>\n Listen: People are going to say some truly horrible things to you about your \u201ccondition\u201d and your choices. It\u2019s going to happen.\u00a0 If you\u2019re dating the father and you decide to get married, at the reception, busybodies are going to talk about your \u201cshotgun wedding\u201d savoring your red velvet wedding cake on their tongues and red-hot judgment in their hearts.<\/p>\n It\u2019s just ignorance, sweetie.\u00a0 Haters are going to hate and gossips will gossip.\u00a0 You keep your head up high knowing that no matter what\u2014you are amazing.\u00a0<\/strong>\u00a0At this very second you are nurturing life. Selfless, stunningly selfless, are you.<\/p>\n This truth is what Shame doesn\u2019t want you to know or realize.<\/p>\n Let me tell you that when I came to terms with my status of unwed and pregnant, I felt like God wanted me to pray for the girls in my church\u2019s youth group to make good choices about sex and to find their value apart from their bodies.\u00a0 One day after months of praying, a teenager from the youth group came up to me and told me she was scared. She missed her period and she had no one to talk to, but since I kept coming to church, all big and pregnant she thought I was someone who would understand. I barely knew the girl but I loved her so much.\u00a0 I loved her bravery and I was honored to harbor hope for her.<\/p>\n When I prayed with that girl, I felt something I thought I lost when I had sex outside \u201cthe covenant of marriage\u201d\u2014God\u2019s pleasure.\u00a0 Oh I knew I loved me and I knew he forgave me, but pleased with me?\u00a0 Oh come, on.\u00a0 But when I chose to love even in my season of need, God showed up because God is love and Jesus is all about championing those in need.<\/p>\n Little did I know, as we sat off the side praying and talking, the pastor\u2019s wife was savoring her own judgment.<\/p>\n One afternoon that week, she sat across from me in her shag-carpeted sitting room and asked me to \u201crefrain from interacting with the girls of the youth, as they are impressionable and you are sinfully in the family way.\u201d<\/p>\n This is Shame at her finest, she loves to short-circuit love by dousing it with scarcity.\u00a0 Shame wanted me to believe that because I chose to have my baby before getting married, I wasn\u2019t holy enough to love the youth with prayers and honest encouragement.<\/p>\n Choose now to live bravely and love fiercely through this pregnancy.<\/strong><\/p>\n Before you get off this bathroom floor, I want to send you out with one more piece of advice.\u00a0 You are braver than you know, yes.\u00a0 You are selflessly stunning, yes it\u2019s true.\u00a0 You will get through this\u2014of that I\u2019m sure.\u00a0 But one more thing you need to know: even though you don\u2019t have a husband and even though your parents may disown you, you are not alone.<\/p>\n When you step out into the world with your round belly and ring-less left hand, remember this: there is a God who sees us and deeply, deeply loves us.<\/strong><\/p>\n In the bible, there is a story about a servant girl named, Hagar who had an illegitimate baby. \u00a0In the house where Hagar served, the master and mistress were desperate for an heir. In spite of their old age and proven barrenness, God promised them a son\u2014so they waited.\u00a0 In their waiting they got impatient and Sarai, Hagar\u2019s mistress gave her to her husband to make an heir.<\/p>\n Soon Hagar became an unwed woman.\u00a0 Like me and like you.<\/p>\n When Sarai found out her servant was going to have what she always wanted\u2014a baby\u2014 she mistreated Hagar.\u00a0 Fed up with her mistress spiteful treatment, Hagar, pregnant and scared, ran to the desert.<\/p>\n Hagar was not alone, though. Chasing behind her was a God who knew her name, saw her pain, and heard her cries.<\/p>\n The same is true for you, sweetie.\u00a0 You are seen, known, heard, and loved by God.\u00a0 He will not leave you through your pregnancy.\u00a0 He won\u2019t even leave you if you get an abortion. He\u2019s just that crazy in love with you. No matter what you decide to do in the aftermath two pink lines, do not forget this. You unwed and pregnant woman are known, heard, seen, and wildly loved.<\/p>\n Now, splash some cold water on your face, Google search for an OB or crisis pregnancy center near you, and call a friend over to sit with you while you cry a bit.\u00a0 It\u2019s ok.\u00a0 Cry all you want. You\u2019re shocked and you\u2019ve got ALLTHEHORMONES messing you up.\u00a0 Just make sure your friend brings carbs and chocolate and an Emma Stone rom-com.<\/p>\n You can do this, Mama. You are not alone.\u00a0 I am so proud of you.<\/strong><\/p>\n \u00a0<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" \u00a0 To the single woman on the day you find out you\u2019re pregnant: You\u2019re sitting on the cold bathroom floor, eyes wide, heart pounding, hands trembling with a positive test bearing two pink lines indicating that yes, in fact, you\u00a0are\u00a0pregnant.\u00a0Unwed and unexpectedly, you are pregnant. These two lines have changed your life forever and you\u2019re […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3037,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[3,398,428],"tags":[448,752],"class_list":["post-3496","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-blog","category-faith","category-family","tag-deeper-story","tag-teen-pregnancy"],"yoast_head":"\n