{"id":3576,"date":"2015-06-06T13:22:28","date_gmt":"2015-06-06T13:22:28","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/oshetablogs.wordpress.com\/?p=3219"},"modified":"2015-06-06T13:22:28","modified_gmt":"2015-06-06T13:22:28","slug":"shalom-in-the-waiting-when-your-child-is-not-ready-to-follow-jesus","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/shalominthecity\/2015\/06\/shalom-in-the-waiting-when-your-child-is-not-ready-to-follow-jesus\/","title":{"rendered":"Shalom in the Waiting: When Your Child Is Not Ready to Follow Jesus"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>

Before we jump in, so many of you have said on the survey that you want more posts on parenting (btw have you taken the survey, if not here\u2019s your chance<\/a>) but I have older kids and wondered how to make that happen while still respecting their privacy.\u00a0 So, I\u2019ve come up with Kid Endorsements.\u00a0 At the end of a post about my kids, you should find an endorsement from the one who it\u2019s about.\u00a0 Since this one was primarily about Tyson, I got his permission and approval before posting.\"TysonApprove\"<\/a><\/p>\n

We has exciting news to share, so last Mother\u2019s Day was a fun day to have a Facebook account.<\/p>\n

Like your birthday or when you announce the birth of your child, there are just some days that makes social media worth all the annoyance of invitations to sign petitions or play Candy Crush.\u00a0 In fact, the night before our big news, I carefully planned my status.\u00a0 Maybe I\u2019d post a teaser, or a lovely quote, or write a tribute to all the people that made it happen.\u00a0 I was sitting on my phone scrolling through Pinterest for ideas when my twelve-year-old son walked into the room and I realized that for once in the life of our family, we\u2019d have big news that he wouldn\u2019t be a part of and it made me pause. Whatever I did, I wanted to honor this young man who could very easily feel \u201cother\u201d and \u201cnot enough\u201d by our family\u2019s celebration.\u00a0 So the next day, when our\u00a0 two children, nine-year old, TJ and eight year old, Trinity were baptized by their father on Mother\u2019s Day I limited the news only to Facebook friends and our church community.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t blog or tweet about it.\u00a0 I wanted to make sure I was sensitive to my oldest, who at this time has decided to not make a public declaration of faith through baptism.<\/p>\n

In our family, baptism is a big deal.\u00a0 Baptism isn\u2019t salviific, there\u2019s no salvation found in the act of being immersed in the water, but it\u2019s a bold proclamation to the church that you have decided to follow Jesus and his teachings.\u00a0 I like what Vance Havner has to say about baptism,<\/p>\n

We may never be martyrs but we can die to self, to sin, to the world, to our plans and ambitions. That is the significance of baptism; we died with Christ and rose to new life.\u201d ~ Vance Havner, Writer and Evangelist<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

On Mother\u2019s Day, two of my babies joined me in the dance of daily dying to self, like Christ.
\nFirst Trinity<\/strong><\/p>\n

\"IMG_6189\"<\/a>
Trinity giving her testimony<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

\"Trinity1\"<\/a>\"Triinty3\"<\/a>\"Trinity2\"<\/a>
\n\"Trinity4\"<\/a>
\nand then TJ<\/strong><\/p>\n

\"TJTestimony\"<\/a>\"TJ1\"<\/a>\"TJ2\"<\/a>\"TJ3\"<\/a>
\nSo many lovely messages came in that day. Congratulations and prayers and happy emoticons filled my feed.\u00a0 I was reminded why I love the Body of Christ so much- we know how to celebrate, y\u2019all and we\u2019re genuinely excited to welcome new members into our family.\u00a0<\/strong> At the same time, I received messages and texts about Tyson, asking how I felt. I would have been sad, maybe even disappointed, if it were not for conversation Tyson and I had a few days before the baptism.<\/p>\n

We were driving when he broke the new to me. I think he wanted to gauge just how much trouble he was in for not signing up to be baptized by his father.<\/p>\n

\u201cMom,\u201d\u00a0 he started, \u201cwhat if I didn\u2019t get baptized on Sunday with Trinity and TJ?\u201d<\/p>\n

The heavy techno beat of his playlist filled the minivan and gave my racing heart a rhythm to hold onto.<\/p>\n

\u201cWell\u2026 ok\u2026\u201d I stammered, I wasn\u2019t sure what to do?<\/p>\n

When I was his age, being a Christian was my ultimate rebellion and declaration of independence from my parents\u2019 way of being.\u00a0 I lived out my faith in Jesus with a conviction that took Jesus Freak to a whole new level.<\/p>\n

WWJD bracelets?\u00a0 Yep.<\/p>\n

See You at the Pole?\u00a0 Of course!<\/p>\n

Did I carry around Invitations to Wednesday\u00a0 Night Youth Group?\u00a0 Uh-huh.\u00a0 In fact, way before I entered sales, I perfected the holiest elevator pitch- eva!<\/p>\n

Passionate speeches during health class that I\u2019m waiting until marriage before having sex?\u00a0 Oh, yeah and I had extra True Love Waits pledges in my bag to pass out.<\/p>\n

I was as \u201con fire\u201d, \u201csold out\u201d, and \u201cJesus Freak-y\u201d as they come.\u00a0 Which is why I couldn\u2019t understand the words coming from my son who I\u2019ve spent twelve years teaching about Jesus<\/strong>.<\/p>\n

Realizing that I didn\u2019t know what to say, he added, \u201cIt\u2019s not that I\u2019m saying I never want to get baptized, I just don\u2019t want to do it now. I have so many questions about Jesus and the Bible and I\u2019m not ready to make that commitment until I\u2019m sure.\u00a0 Maybe when I\u2019m 13\u2026.\u201d he trailed off playing with the hem of his shirt.<\/p>\n

I wanted to pull over and shake him.<\/p>\n

What is wrong with you?\u00a0 Don\u2019t you remember VBS of 2010 where you had the best, most poignant \u201cGod-sightings\u201d to share with your crew?\u00a0 What about being prayed for by a camp counselor at sleep-away camp last year?\u00a0 What about your crazy astute insights on the problem of evil or end times?\u00a0 How do you come from two theology nerds and NOT WANT TO BE A CHRISTIAN?<\/em><\/p>\n

Then I started to worry if it was my fault. Did my angry outbursts just an hour after they saw me doing my morning quiet time read hypocrite?\u00a0 Were we wrong to church plant those three years knowing that children\u2019s ministries are almost always anemic in programming and there were precious few kids\u2019 their ages?\u00a0 Did we miss a chance to give him the foundation he needed in those tumultuous years?\u00a0 Should I have forced him to watch more Veggie Tales and less Little Einsteins?<\/em><\/p>\n

I wanted something or someone to blame for this \u201cfailure\u201d.<\/p>\n

\u201cMom?\u201d he asked, \u201cMom? Are\u2026are you mad?\u201d<\/p>\n

I shook my head as realization dawned on me: he needed me to love him through this time of seeking, not shame him or myself. There is no place for shame on the road map to Jesus. \u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u201cNo, baby.\u00a0 I\u2019m not mad. This is your choice.\u00a0 Only you and Jesus know when it\u2019s the right time for you to follow him and get baptized.\u00a0 If you\u2019re not ready, you\u2019re not ready.\u201d\u00a0 I sighed. Saying the words felt like both a betrayal and a benediction.<\/p>\n

\u201cBut, are you sure?\u00a0 I know you really wanted me to get baptized\u201d He offered.<\/p>\n

We pulled into our parking spot and I turned to him, \u201d I\u2019m not going to lie, I wish you would, but I don\u2019t want you doing it because I asked you to.\u00a0 I want this moment to be yours. Yours\u2019 and Jesus\u2019. After all, I follow him because I love him so much, maybe someday you will too.\u00a0\u00a0 But there are a few ground rules your dad and I have to come up with because you are still a part of Christian family\u2013\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI know, I know!\u201d\u00a0 He interrupted, a little loud and exasperated.\u00a0 When I shot him a displeased look, he changed his tone, \u201cI know\u201d he promised.<\/p>\n

\u201cYeah, well as long as you celebrate your siblings\u2019 choice and you participate in church this Sunday, I\u2019m cool with you not getting baptized.\u201d<\/p>\n

He released the breath I just then realized he was holding from the moment he said, \u201cI\u2019m not ready\u201d.<\/p>\n

For the next few days, my husband and I talked over the implications of one child out of three not getting baptized.\u00a0 What would people think? We are a pastor\u2019s family, after all. How do we not treat him differently?\u00a0 Should we still encourage him to learn Scriptures?\u00a0 What if he wants to explore other religions?<\/p>\n

I think we always knew that two out-spoken questioners starting a family would result in one (or more) children taking their time to become believers, so we weren\u2019t worried, just a little sad.\u00a0 A little disappointed.\u00a0 We wanted so badly to celebrate him with his siblings.<\/p>\n

Because we\u2019re on this journey as much as Tyson, we created three guideposts for parenting the seeking child.<\/strong><\/p>\n

1: We Will Love Him Always<\/h4>\n

No matter what he decides.\u00a0 If 13 comes and goes and he\u2019s not any closer to following Jesus than he is now, our love will never falter. Of course, we\u2019ll always love him\u2013 we\u2019re his parents, but we will always treat him with love<\/em> because we\u2019re Christians.\u00a0 If we want him to see the beauty of our Lord, then love should be the driving force in every interaction with him \u2013from is stank attitude when told to do chores to his indignant questioning of God\u2019s goodness is a broken world. Christians are suppose to known for our love and if there\u2019s nothing I want more for my son than to know this wide, deep, high love of Jesus, it must starts with me, loving him no matter what. Even when I don\u2019t agree with his choices, even when he attacks my convictions, even when it seems like he\u2019s running like the prodigal, I will always love him. Our hope is that as we love him fiercely, gently, faithfully, Jesus will reveal his fierce, gently, infinitely more faithful love to Tyson.<\/strong><\/p>\n

2: We Will be Kind to Him<\/h4>\n

Too often, I want to pull the \u201cMom Card\u201d and force him to do spiritual things. In our family, we invite the kids to pray for the people, read their bibles, and join in to theological discussions.\u00a0 We don\u2019t like to force them, spiritual formation should be their choice.\u00a0 In the car when Tyson told me he didn\u2019t want to get baptized, I worried that maybe we should have, but I\u2019m not convinced that would have helped.\u00a0 In fact, I\u2019m pretty confident it would have sabotaged our efforts. You see, the Bible says it is God\u2019s kindness that leads us to repentance.<\/a>\u00a0 Not His heavy-handed attempts to make us change or His guilt trips, or even His sound arguments- His kindness.\u00a0 So, if we want lead our son to Jesus then we need to follow His lead- kindness that sees the fear behind the anger, the sincerity behind the questions, the person behind the sin.<\/p>\n

3: We will always hope<\/h4>\n

Hope is a powerful choice.\u00a0 Not just an emotion, but a choice.\u00a0 I could look at my son\u2019s decision to not become a Christian yet as a set- back or I could look at it as an interesting arch of his redemption story.\u00a0 I know Jesus.\u00a0 I know his love for Tyson is deeper than I could fathom. Before I even knew my son, he knew him.\u00a0 He knew that he would like peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for breakfast and he\u2019d have an amazing eye for design and would make a room light up with laughter the moment he spoke. It\u2019s in Jesus whom I have hope.\u00a0 Jesus who went out of his way to show love to the Samarian woman and who bestowed dignity to the thief on the cross- his powerful bids for affection and discipleship are what I have hope in.\u00a0<\/strong> He\u2019s the same now as he was then, so I have hope. Hope that all my efforts to introduce my kids to him were not in vain because he is still actively wooing them to him. My younger ones have just responded sooner, but a love story is still a love story- regardless of how long it takes to develop.<\/p>\n

After the baptisms, we did tell him that he\u2019s a part of a Christian family, so we\u2019ll follow Christian rhythms of prayers and Sunday morning services, devotionals and social justice, worship music and discussing Bonhoeffer.\u00a0 Not surprisingly, he\u2019s ok with that.\u00a0 It\u2019s not us he\u2019s rejecting and I suspect it\u2019s not even Jesus, it\u2019s just the timing.<\/strong>\u00a0 He wants this to be his choice, and so do I. So I will wait for Tyson to come around.\u00a0 I\u2019ll wait for him because it wasn\u2019t too long ago that Jesus waited for me to come back and when I did I was all in.\u00a0 I have a feeling that deep down that\u2019s what we all want for our children- to not borrow our faith, but make it their own and jump into this crazy calling to love the world like Jesus with an \u201call in\u201d kind of abandon. Tyson will get there.\u00a0 Someday.<\/p>\n

Practicing Shalom in the Waiting,<\/p>\n

\"signature\"<\/a><\/p>\n

\"IMG_4716\"<\/a><\/p>\n

****Today, one of my best friends from New England and new blogger Charisa Martin and I are doing something of a blogger\u2019s coffee date. Completely unplanned and totally fun, both of us celebrated our children\u2019s baptisms last month so we thought it would be fun to write our thoughts and reflections on our blogs on the same day. After you read my post, I encourage you to pop over to her blog, \u201cTea with a Slice of Life\u201d<\/a> to read her beautiful words.\u00a0 She is an amazing writer and even better friend. Her words are full of wisdom and grace.\u00a0 Make sure you subsribe to her blog, \u201cTea With a Slice of LIfe<\/a>\u201d for weekly encouragement and fun!<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Before we jump in, so many of you have said on the survey that you want more posts on parenting (btw have you taken the survey, if not here\u2019s your chance) but I have older kids and wondered how to make that happen while still respecting their privacy.\u00a0 So, I\u2019ve come up with Kid Endorsements.\u00a0 […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3037,"featured_media":3240,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[3,428],"tags":[721,140,722,21,6],"class_list":["post-3576","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-blog","category-family","tag-baptism","tag-children","tag-discipleship","tag-jesus","tag-motherhood"],"yoast_head":"\nShalom in the Waiting: When Your Child Is Not Ready to Follow Jesus<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Before we jump in, so many of you have said on the survey that you want more posts on parenting 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