The vow of stability is the thing that sets the Benedictines apart\u2026When a monk makes a vow to stability, he is vowing to remain in a single place, with a single group of people, for an entire lifetime. For better or worse.<\/p>\n Micha Boyett, \u201cFound\u201d <\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n When I think of Saint Benedict\u2019s vow to stability, I think of putting down roots in order to love completely.<\/strong><\/p>\n Me, \u201cRed Couch Discussion Post\u201d<\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n One of the questions that the leadership team of New City asked us when they invited T.C. and me here to L.A. for the final round of interviews was, \u201cDo you see yourselves at New City for a while\u201d. What they were trying to gently ask- which was completely fair- was since my husband was fresh out of seminary, did we view this church position as a starter job.\u00a0 The short answer was, \u201cno\u201d.<\/p>\n We are \u201cRide or die\u201d*\u00a0 church people.\u00a0 We don\u2019t church hop.\u00a0 We don\u2019t let people grumble about the leadership around us.\u00a0 We don\u2019t spend hours criticizing the worship service.\u00a0 We kinda look at the church like she\u2019s a jacked up family trying to figure out how to love well, function in a broken system, and grow together without strangling the life out of each other, so we offer her tons of grace and lots of love.<\/p>\n During the Friendship Project, I want to meditate on this same intensity of commitment and direct it to my friendships.<\/p>\n When I think of the Benedictine vow of stability, I think of this commitment as a promise to \u201cride or die\u201d.\u00a0 Like Beyonce and Jay-Z, Taraji P. Henson and Regina King, or Rory and Loreli.<\/p>\n I\u2019m really inspired by this vow.\u00a0 You see, I\u2019ve been posting on Facebook for a bit about how much I miss New England.\u00a0 The other day, I confessed to having FOMA- Fear of Mission Autumn- Boston Autumn to be exact<\/strong>.<\/p>\n Last week, I was listening to a podcast when the guest mentioned the vow of stability.\u00a0 She talked about making a commitment to the situation you\u2019re in as an expression of that vow.\u00a0 I was convicted because I haven\u2019t really committed to Los Angeles and the friends I\u2019m making.\u00a0 As a result, I\u2019ve been noticing the disconnected, drifting, unmoored feeling that comes when I cling to any one or any place other than who\u2019s right in front of me, right where I am.\u00a0 This is far from the relational wholeness God wants for me, this is where the Vow of Stability is a tremendous act of faith.\u00a0 I\u2019m trusting that God has my best interest at heart when he asks me to stay, commit, love, own.<\/p>\n So, this month stability in my friendships looks like this:<\/strong><\/p>\n 1:\u00a0 I will not compare my friends here to my friends in Boston<\/p>\n 2:\u00a0 When a friends texts or calls, I\u2019ll respond.<\/p>\n 3: I will not forget my Boston friends. I\u2019ll make an extra effort to connect with them this month.<\/p>\n 4: I will be open to learning and growing with the people in my life<\/p>\n Which leads me to the second vow I\u2019m making this month.<\/p>\n \u201cConversion and growth in character happen when we remain, not when we run. This is where the vow of stability links up with the vow of conversatio moralis<\/em> (conversion of life).<\/p>\n Monk Habits for Everyday People: Benedictine Spirituality for Everyday People, Dennis Okholm<\/em><\/p><\/blockquote>\n Ok, true story:\u00a0 I\u2019ve had so much fun studying this vow because every-time I read it, I said it like Harry Potter would say \u201cExpecto Patronum!!!!\u201d<\/em>\u2013 which any of my friends must know- I\u2019m a HUGE Harry Potter fan.\u00a0 Case in point, y\u2019all, this month I\u2019m going to a Harry Potter book club Meetup and I\u2019m actually dressing up. <\/em>The sad thing is I didn\u2019t have a wand to wave while studying, but I did<\/em> have a plastic spoon from my Wendy\u2019s frosty though- which is another friend essential- ice cream.<\/p>\n Harry Potter nerdiness aside, I love this vow because it\u2019s an active one.<\/strong> It\u2019s a daily choice to let the people, places, and position of my life move me towards Christ-likedness.<\/p>\n It reminds me that I\u2019m always changing and it invites me to allow God to change me.\u00a0 Take today for example, I met up with a friend who showed me her favorite outdoor space, a rooftop bar with a Moroccan sensibility and I actually said, \u201cIf I could choose a writing cabin, it would like just like this.\u00a0 I think this may be my favorite LA outdoor space.\u201d<\/p>\n I\u2019m changed just a tiny bit. Because I found a place that resonates with me, L.A. is exciting and full possibility again. Maybe it\u2019s not Damascus level change, but I\u2019m leaning into the reminder from Micha that \u201cwe don\u2019t have to separate the secular from the sacred.\u00a0 Christ is alive right now, in all of it.\u201d<\/p>\n Christ is alive in this Friendship Project.\u00a0 I know it.\u00a0 I can see him using the people and place to change me and we\u2019re only five days in.\u00a0 What more could he do by Oct. 31?\u00a0 I don\u2019t know, but I\u2019m excited to see.\u00a0<\/strong> Seeking Shalom in Stability, Saying Latin Words, and Waving Plastic Spoons,<\/p>\n![\"redcouch\"](\"https:\/\/oshetablogs.files.wordpress.com\/2015\/10\/redcouch.jpg?w=300\")
<\/a>It\u2019s one of several books that have shaped this Friendship Project.\u00a0 If you haven\u2019t read it, I suggest you get it immediately. It\u2019s beautifully written, full of wisdom and elegant story-telling. I read it for \u201cwork\u201d as a Red Couch Contributor, so I had my \u201cdiscussion facilitator\u201d hat on, this time around for my 31 Days, I\u2019m excited to re-read my favorite parts and let it soak in as a woman needing to find rest and own her belovedness.\u00a0 Because, I truly believe that for me to enter in these 31 Days of Friendships in a new city, it\u2019s imperative that I bask in the wholeness of my identity in Christ.\u00a0<\/strong> You see, my friendships, both old and new,\u00a0 won\u2019t make me any more worthy of love than the fact that we moved to Los Angeles or that my husband is a pastor.\u00a0 None of these things weave true stories of my worth into my soul. If the old adage is true that in order to have friends, you must be a friend, then it\u2019s also true in order to love your friends, you must love yourself. \u201cFound\u201d connected me to the heart of God that deeply desires that for me, which is why it\u2019s an invaluable book for this Friendship Project.\u00a0 I\u2019ll write more about our belovedness and friendship later this month.\u00a0 Today, I\u2019ll flesh out this Vow of Stability and what it looks like for the rest of the 31 Days.<\/p>\n![\"let's-3\"](\"https:\/\/oshetablogs.files.wordpress.com\/2015\/09\/lets-3.png\")
<\/a><\/p>\nThe Vow of Stability<\/h1>\n
Conversatio Moralis<\/h2>\n
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