{"id":4093,"date":"2016-03-11T15:59:01","date_gmt":"2016-03-11T15:59:01","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/shalominthecity.com\/?p=4093"},"modified":"2016-03-11T15:59:01","modified_gmt":"2016-03-11T15:59:01","slug":"and-so-i-joined-a-bible-study-that-worries-me","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/shalominthecity\/2016\/03\/and-so-i-joined-a-bible-study-that-worries-me\/","title":{"rendered":"And So…I Joined A Bible Study That Worries Me"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>

\"ScaryBibleStudy-3\"<\/p>\n

Yesterday, I sent a truly terrifying text:<\/p>\n

\u201cI think I want to join your bible study.\u201d<\/h4>\n

This text has been locked and loaded in my mind for months.\u00a0 I\u2019ve wanted to join this group of women for their weekly bible studies ever since we moved to L.A.\u00a0 The women in leadership are kind and smart and welcoming. I can tell from the newsletters that they\u2019re also thoughtful and I suspect a ton of fun.\u00a0 So, the group itself,<\/em> I\u2019m not too worried about.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s the studies they chose.<\/p>\n

Every single quarter when I get their updates, I find out that they\u2019re doing yet another popular and polished Bible study.<\/p>\n

You know the ones I\u2019m talking about: The six-week studies with videos and SUPER PRETTY workbooks. The teachers are always gorgeous and rock the perfect pair of riding boots. They\u2019re funny and passionate and I\u2019m pretty sure\u00a0 they were high school cheer captains the way they pump you up for Jesus!<\/p>\n

I\u2019m not allergic to them, quite the contrary,\u00a0 I\u2019m drawn into them, and this worries me.<\/p>\n

So, every time I get an an invitation to join, I reach for this text in my mind and wonder: is now the time?\u201d and because I\u2019m still worried,\u00a0 I tell myself, \u201cnot yet. But soon.\u201d<\/p>\n

The truth is,\u00a0 me joining this group and doing this study is pretty much a far gone conclusion.<\/p>\n

I love me some Bible.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m a sucker for a group study.<\/p>\n

And dammit, they always reel me in with candles in mason jars,\u00a0 a quirky couch, and a barn.<\/p>\n

Always.<\/p>\n

But still, the studies, like I said, I worry about them.\u00a0 I worry that I\u2019m as Sarah Bessey admits she\u2019s, \u201cliberal to the conservatives and conservative to the liberals\u201d<\/a>. \u00a0 I worry that when we talk about atonement that we\u2019ll lean into a picture of God that makes Him wrathful and exacting, not loving and victorious.\u00a0 I worry that when we talk about evil in the bible and the suffering in our lives that we\u2019ll attribute it to God\u2019s blueprint, instead of acknowledging the brokenness of free-willed entities, angels and demons included. I worry that we\u2019ll get patriotic, and so help me God, I need the Kingdom now.<\/strong> The great and beautiful and progressing against the darkness Kingdom Of God.<\/strong>\u00a0 Not some picture of a \u201cflourishing\u201d U.S. of A. I worry, that when the study takes a turn towards a landing point that offers me no stable ground on this walk of faith, that I\u2019ll hold the group back because I\u2019m unable to go forward. I\u2019m worried that they\u2019ll leave me behind; reminding me, once again, that this Third Way is odd and more than a little isolating. If I join the study will I be left by the group standing at the crossroads because I\u2019m too much, too little, too skeptical to choose?\u00a0 <\/strong>I don\u2019t want to be \u201cthat girl\u201d\u2014 the one with big thoughts and big words and big feelings and big potential to offend.\u00a0 I worry about walking into that room with this gumbo of theological positions and experiences and convictions, and realizing that I don\u2019t fit in.<\/p>\n

And therein lies, I think, the crux of it all.\u00a0 The desperate need to fit in. The desire to have a side that will claim me. Is it so bad to want a group of women who will stand behind me and, yes maybe,\u00a0 validate me? I want to know to whom I belong when I crack open the bible and let it crack open my heart.<\/p>\n

But yesterday, I sent a text and this morning, I\u2019m going to bible study. I\u2019ll drink coffee and mark up my pretty workbook, and take living room design notes from the video. I\u2019m going to do this because I realize something that I\u2019m going to hold closer to my heart than my pet theology.<\/p>\n

I know to whom I belong. I do.<\/strong> I belong to Jesus.<\/strong><\/p>\n

The author and perfecter of this growing faith of mine.\u00a0 He\u2019s the one before our group, guiding us through the Scriptures. His Spirit is ready to show us landmarks and ebinezers of the love of God. I don\u2019t have to be worried.\u00a0 I don\u2019t have to be afraid. I belong to him. We all do.\u00a0 And so, I have to trust that this morning when I go in there, He\u2019s gone before me. When I disagree, His Spirit will guide me with words of peace.\u00a0 I have to trust that God was in the emails and relentless invitations and that his voice is saying,<\/p>\n

\u201cCome. I\u2019m here. I have something for you. Just trust me, ok?\u201d<\/em><\/h3>\n

I don\u2019t wanna trust the spirit I cannot see because I like the black and white text of Bonhoeffer, and Moltmann, and Bessey. I get those words. I love those perspectives. They\u2019ve centered me in so many ways.\u00a0 But they\u2019re only words on a page.\u00a0 They\u2019re not living, breathing face-to-face community.\u00a0 They\u2019re not the embodiment of Christ in a circle of chairs in a church sanctuary. And that\u2019s what I need right now.\u00a0 That\u2019s why I stayed on the mailing list and that\u2019s why I sent that text.<\/p>\n

Are you like me?\u00a0 Are you holding out on joining a small group, or bible study, or weekly gathering because you think your particular gumbo is too spicy for the crowd? Maybe, it might be.\u00a0 I won\u2019t lie there are some communities who are simply not safe for someone unwilling to be either\/or.\u00a0 They call it the messy middle for a reason, right? But, I\u2019m confident there\u2019s a spicy bible study for you. A safe, spicy, and waiting group for you.\u00a0 So, I want to ask to do a couple of things for me, ok?\u00a0 First, pray for me, because I want to stick this study out through the end.\u00a0 I know Jesus is calling me to go.\u00a0 I know he has truths he wants to share with me in this study. But, I\u2019m scared.\u00a0 So, pray for your girl, ok?\u00a0 And then seek out a group to join. Use your good senses and take your time to find a kind community. But once you\u2019ve found them.\u00a0 Join.\u00a0<\/strong> Lord knows, I took my time\u2014one whole year of praying and wrestling and keeping a text ready to send, but I sent it.<\/p>\n

And I\u2019m going.<\/p>\n

Jesus and the rustic chic video are calling.<\/p>\n

Shalom and Scary Bible Studies,
\nOsheta<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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