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<\/a>I love to worry. Like all the time.\u00a0 Like\u2013not even an hour ago I was worrying.<\/p>\n
In fact, not only do I worry all the time, I worry with great imagination and creativity.\u00a0 One might call me an accomplished worrier.<\/p>\n
I worry about everything:<\/p>\n
the very near future, \u2018I have coffee with a new friend\u2013 what if she doesn\u2019t like me\u201d\u2026<\/p>\n
and the\u00a0 distant future, \u2018With TC\u2019s new job that pays less than his last, how are we going to cutback to make ends meet\u2019 \u2026<\/p>\n
to the very, very, very distant future, \u2018Breast cancer runs in the women in my family\u2013\u00a0 WILL I DIE OF BREAST CANCER? and if I do, will it be before I get to see my children graduate from college?\u00a0 What about my grandbabies\u2026.will I see my grand babies? Ohhhhh NO!\u00a0 Will my husband find a new wife after me? Will that hussy get to see my grandbabies???\u201d<\/p>\n
and most importantly\u2026.<\/p>\n
WILL MY HUSBAND THINK HIS NEW WIFE IS PRETTIER THAN ME!!!!!!!!<\/p>\n
Like I said\u2026great imagination and creativity.<\/p>\n
I love to worry like a drug addict loves crack.\u00a0 Every hit of frenzied focus on my fears is satisfyingly righteous.<\/p>\n
I tell myself, \u201cI\u2019m not worrying\u2013 I\u2019m being responsible\u201d or \u201cThis isn\u2019t fear, it\u2019s realism.\u201d or my most recent favorite, \u201cI\u2019m just thinking through the possibilities so I can be emotionally prepared if\/when it happens.\u201d<\/p>\n
All lies.\u00a0 All justifications from an anxiety addict. All the wrong types of responses to the very real concerns of living in a broken world.<\/p>\n
In truth,\u00a0 y\u2019all,\u00a0 I\u2019ve got ALLTHEFEELINGS and fears.\u00a0 They roil in my gut. Squeeze at my security. Force harsh words out of my mouth. Sometimes I feel powerless to them so I\u00a0 to let wave of worry to wash over me.<\/p>\n
Just this morning when my son asked me for $15 to pay for a book, I snapped, \u201cReally, Son?\u00a0 Really?\u00a0 I don\u2019t have time to talk about money for a book! Don\u2019t you know I\u2019ve got bills to pay!!!!\u201d<\/p>\n
There\u2019s something about worry the breaks down our ability to be truly human, to patiently engage others with love and respect, to lovingly hear the hearts of our babies.\u00a0 There\u2019s something about worry that robs joy from our present: the crisp, fall morning and the goodbye kisses from my husband.<\/p>\n
Worry robbed my morning, it\u2019s true but worry stole something more precious: my identity as a follower of the Prince of Peace and if I know anything, I know identity is the starting place of peace\u2013\u00a0 peace that surpasses understanding, peace unlike the world has ever seen, peace that makes stillness possible.<\/p>\n
This is the peace of knowing to whom you belong and who has promised to be with you as you wade through uncertainty. \u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n This morning, I pulled out Matthew 6:25 to remind myself of Jesus\u2019 teachings on worry.\u00a0 Even though, I had all the feelings, all the fears, and the creatively terrifying possibilities spinning in my mind,\u00a0\u00a0 in twenty years of being a believer I\u2019ve learned that my first defense against worry is to channel that anxious energy into study and prayer. I\u2019m always better after re-directing all the feelings towards God.\u00a0\u00a0 Maybe not more settled in the ways I want to be, but closer to him\u2013 which was the point of Jesus\u2019 teaching on worry.<\/p>\n When Jesus sat in a field\u00a0 referencing birds and lilies he didn\u2019t teach his disciples to not worry because God has all the material wealth and all the sovereignty and all the perfect plan \u201cA\u201ds to get us out of the fire, no,\u00a0 he spoke of Kingdom identity and relationship to a good Father.<\/p>\n 25\u00a0\u201cTherefore I say to you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink; nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing? 26\u00a0Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? 27\u00a0Which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature?<\/em> Twice Jesus refers to God as our \u201cheavenly Father\u201d.\u00a0 When I read this I realized that Jesus wasn\u2019t using, \u201cheavenly Father\u201d as a throw away endearment like we\u2019d say, \u201cbaby\u201d or \u201csweetheart\u201d, he was identifying how we should view God in the midst of our worry and then adjust out view of ourselves in relation to that.<\/p>\n If God is our heavenly Father then: I think so.\u00a0 For sure, I have my own \u201cdaddy\u00a0 issues\u201d, but I\u2019ve always loved Jesus and if God looks like Jesus then that\u2019s a Father I definitely want to trust in.<\/p>\n As I sit here with All Sons and Daughter\u2019s singing, \u201cGreat are you, Lord!\u00a0 It\u2019s your breath in our lungs\u201d I can\u2019t help but let that truth sink in.\u00a0 I think about the prospect that the very one who leaned down and breathed life into Adam desires to lean in close to me and breath peace to anxious. I think that he wants me to take deep cleansing breaths of his love and I realize I can\u2019t hold onto to him and my worry at the same time.<\/p>\n When I\u2019m worried I want the quick fixes, the answered prayers, the logical solutions.\u00a0 But I wonder if Jesus speaking to something deeper. Is he teaching that we may have use for money, and clothes, and security, but we only really NEED a constant relationship with Father one where I can trust him like a daughter and he can love on me like a doting Daddy?<\/p>\n I think so.<\/p>\n I know that even though I\u2019m still broke and concerned about my family\u2019s medical history and still unsure about my kids\u2019 futures, I stopped, acknowledged that God sees me and knelt down in acceptance of that truth.\u00a0 I opened my palms, and raised my hands to a good Father in both surrender of my fears and an offering of them to the one whose hands we\u2019re pierced to show me just how much he loves me.<\/p>\n Something about doing this kin esthetic praying this morning made me\u00a0 feel less anxious, more known, better equipped to traverse ambiguity.<\/p>\n But, it all started\u00a0 with seeking first the Kingdom of God\u2013his desires for shalom in me and His righteousness\u2013 his desire to create shalom in me through relationship.<\/p>\n Leaving my hands open today,<\/p>\n
\n28\u00a0\u201cSo why do you worry about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin; 29\u00a0and yet I say to you that even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. 30\u00a0Now if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is, and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will He not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?<\/em>
\n31\u00a0\u201cTherefore do not worry, saying, \u2018What shall we eat?\u2019 or \u2018What shall we drink?\u2019 or \u2018What shall we wear?\u2019 32\u00a0For after all these things the Gentiles seek. For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. 33\u00a0But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. 34\u00a0Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.<\/em><\/p>\n
\n1: My focus should not be on the very temporal cares of this earth but on the constant will of God to bring his shalom on earth as it is in heaven.
\n2: If Jesus teaches us to view God as a Father and we know that God looks like Jesus because Jesus is the exact representation of God (Hebrews 1:3) and we know Jesus modeled sacrificial love, then is it too far a stretch to imagine that the type of Father God desires to be us is a good, attentive,\u00a0 sacrificially loving Father?<\/p>\n