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<\/a>The last things I say to my children before they head out for school are always the most important pieces of information they need.<\/p>\n
\u201cDon\u2019t forget your folder!\u201d\u00a0<\/i><\/p>\n
\u00a0<\/i>\u201cHere\u2019s your lunch box!\u00a0 Eat the carrots first!\u201d<\/i><\/p>\n
\u00a0<\/i>\u201cI love you!\u201d<\/i><\/p>\n
My last ditch effort to give them everything they need to be their best selves when they\u2019re not with me happens before they step off the security of my porch and into the vulnerability of a new day.<\/p>\n
This is probably why I pay special attention to Jesus in his last hours in the Gospels.\u00a0 <\/strong>From the last supper to the cross I know that these were \u00a0Jesus\u2019 last ditch efforts to give the disciples (present and future) everything they need to be their best selves when he\u2019s no longer with them.<\/p>\n If everything Jesus said and did in those last hours had the same earnest intent I have when I send my babies off to school, then I\u2019m convinced he modeled non-violence when he healed the Roman soldier in the garden of Gethsemane\u00a0. \u00a0With that one act, Jesus taught the Kingdom principle of peacemaking: when there\u2019s a clear justifiable opportunity to hurt, choose to heal.<\/p>\n \u201cPut your sword back where it belongs. All who use swords are destroyed by swords.\u00a0Don\u2019t you realize that I am able right now to call to my Father, and twelve companies \u2013 more, if I want them \u2013 of fighting angels would be here, battle-ready?\u00a0But if I did that, how would the Scriptures come true that say this is the way it has to be?\u201d<\/i> Matthew 25:52-54 The Message<\/strong><\/p>\n Can you imagine the impact Jesus\u2019 non-violent resistance made on that soldier\u2019s life?\u00a0 Can you imagine how he looked into The Savior\u2019s eyes as his ear, bloody and jagged, from Peter\u2019s blade, miraculously rejoined his body?\u00a0 Can you imagine the love he found there? The acceptance? The forgiveness?\u00a0 The peace?<\/p>\n I can, and that\u2019s why for years I\u2019ve committed to non-violent\u00a0resistance.<\/strong><\/p>\n That is, until violence visited my beloved city and left three dead, many injured, and most terrified.<\/p>\n Then the suspects killed a man, hijacked a car, and took the police on a high-speed car chase that ended just two miles from my home.<\/p>\n Then the younger brother, injured and desperate fled for his life into the adjoining neighborhood.<\/p>\n Then newscasters warned us, \u201cstay inside\u201d, \u201cexercise caution\u201d,\u00a0 \u201che is armed and dangerous with intent to hurt others\u201d.<\/p>\n Then I questioned: if this man who is intending to harm, finds his way to my porch will I, can I, choose to heal?<\/strong><\/p>\n Honestly, I didn\u2019t think I could because I\u2019m a mama who loves her babies something fierce.<\/p>\n And Lord help you if you hurt them.<\/p>\n Case in point: I once gave a kid who pushed my son around on the play ground the evil eye.\u00a0 I just stared that baby down,\u00a0 waiting for his mom to say something to me. The whole time I told myself\u00a0 \u2018if he doesn\u2019t stop messing with my boy or if she doesn\u2019t say something soon\u2026 it\u2019s\u00a0 about to get really real by the merry-go-round\u2019.<\/p>\n Don\u2019t mess with my children!<\/strong><\/p>\n So I sat and watched the news with my husband, equal parts readying for battle and conscientiously\u00a0objecting.<\/p>\n But loving the Lord with all my strength requires that I lay down conventional strength of force, so that I may love my neighbor as myself. \u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n My husband went to bed. He was confident of our safety.\u00a0 I wasn\u2019t.\u00a0 I just had donuts with my kids at the very Dunkin where they were reporting. \u00a0We knew that street where the gunfight took place! \u00a0We pass it on the way to the library.\u00a0The manhunt was real and I had three sleeping children who needed someone to keep vigil.\u00a0So I stayed up.\u00a0 And like Jacob wrestling with an angel, I wrestled with Jesus that night.<\/p>\n Praying and pacing, at one point I began to make plans:<\/p>\n Ok, so if he bangs on the door we just won\u2019t open it.\u00a0 But the kids will probably wake up so I\u2019ll have to hide them someplace while T.C. and I deal with it. He could shoot the door or window and force his way in, though. What should I grab to protect the kids? Oh! \u00a0Tyson has a bat someplace in the coat closet.<\/i><\/p>\n But, then I knew I\u2019d be tempted to beat the ever living daylights out of him, which is responding violently, so\u2026.no.<\/strong><\/p>\n Okay, okay, so no bat.\u00a0 What about bug spray?\u00a0 That\u2019s right, when he comes to the door, he\u2019ll bang on it.\u00a0 I\u2019ll hide the kids.\u00a0 T.C. will reason with him, but if that doesn\u2019t work, I\u2019ll spray him down good.<\/i><\/p>\n But, then I knew I\u2019d just escalate the conflict with a man who had a gun\u2014not smart or Christ-like at all.<\/strong><\/p>\n \u00a0Fine!\u00a0 So no bat, no bug spray, what else can I use? \u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n Then I sensed a convicting response to my manic musings:<\/strong><\/p>\n \u201cWhy do you need ANYTHING?\u00a0 You have Me don\u2019t you?\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n And that\u2019s the crux of it. I wanted a clear, step-by-step, for every action there is an equal reaction guide for conflict.\u00a0 And there isn\u2019t any.\u00a0 I can\u2019t accurately predict the behavior of sentient, free will beings. The only sentient, free-will being I can control is myself, and knowing Jesus saw non-violence through\u2014even to an excruciating end\u2014I had to release my need to defend, control, and predict.<\/p>\n I needed to put away my sword.<\/strong><\/p>\n Non-violence requires a conscious dependence on the Holy Spirit that\u2019s rooted in a conviction that he is real and he is resourceful.<\/p>\n It trusts that there\u2019s enough creativity in Creator God to extend to my moment of crisis.<\/p>\n It believes that if somehow my children watch me die because I chose to heal when someone meant to harm\u2014there\u2019s resurrection power for their loss. \u00a0My death will breath life into their faith to love like Jesus, live like Jesus, and die like Jesus\u2014because their mama did.<\/p>\n I wish I could tell you I was filled with a renewed sense of purpose at the moment. I wasn\u2019t.\u00a0 I sat for hours watching the news and crying because I knew Jesus was all I needed and yet he didn\u2019t feel like enough.<\/p>\n At some point, sore and crippled where He touched my source of pride, I went to bed and prayed until I fell asleep, \u201cJesus, help me be okay with you and only you.\u00a0 Help me be okay\u2026help me be okay\u2026help me be okay\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n I woke up with the sun streaming into my room and my children asking for Cheerios.\u00a0We \u201csheltered in place\u201d \u00a0that day while SWAT teams, helicopters, and police searched for the suspect.\u00a0Thankfully we were on the opposite side of their searching radius so my children were spared from the trauma of determined men with readied guns invading our home.\u00a0 But, all day long I prayed, \u201chelp me be okay\u2026help me be okay\u2026help me be okay\u2026\u201d.<\/p>\n Now weeks later, I\u2019m almost there.\u00a0 I\u2019m almost okay.\u00a0 Following Jesus and responding the way he responds to violence is a process of daily putting away my sword but it\u2019s one I\u2019m committed to seeing through.<\/p>\n There will be more opportunities to trust in my own abilities.\u00a0 They won\u2019t be as sensational as car chases, gunfights, and a terrorist, but they\u2019ll still matter.\u00a0 They\u2019ll help me shape the legacy I want to leave for my children.<\/p>\n A legacy of stubborn love and redemptive peace.<\/strong> <\/strong>A legacy of a mama who was troubled but took heart because Jesus has overcome the world.\u00a0<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n <\/strong>A legacy that\u2019s Kingdom Strong before Boston Strong.\u00a0<\/strong><\/a><\/p>\n
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